When you think about it… Shit is the most functional word in the English language.
You can get shit-faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit. Some people know their shit, while others can’t tell the difference between Shit and Shinola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shits creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
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A homosapien male with a darker pigment in his lower epidermis stole my non motorized transportation unit.
Or in English: A colored man stole my bike.
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First, God does not exist. But don’t worry, what does exist is good as opposed to evil.So if you believe in God, you believe in good, and that’s as it should be. You are just fine. If you believe in evil, then you probably need a whack to the back of the neck with a big fucking stick.
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HOW TO COOK A TURKEY:
First, buy the turkey and a bottle of whiskey. Pour yourself a glass of whiskey and put the turkey in the oven. Take another 2 drinks of whiskey, and set the degree at 375 ovens. Have 3 more whiskeys of drink and turn the oven on. Take 4 whisks of drinky and turk the bastey. Stick a turkey in the thermometer, and glass yourself a pour of whiskey. Bake the whiskey for 4 hours, take the oven out of the turkey, and floor the turkey up off the pick. Pour yourself another glass of turkey. Now just tet the sable, and turk the carvey! =)
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BEING IGNORED?
Being ignored? DO NOT FRET, ladies and gentlemen. There is a quick fix! Just unstrap those belts and unzip those pants, let them flop to the floor and don’t forget those underwear! Stand close to the persons face and make sure they listen to you and answer you. ‘Cause, let’s face it people, it’s hard to ignore someone when they’re holding their genitals a few inches from their face. Specially their ear, talk about easy access, am I right? So if you choose to ignore someone, keep your hair over that ear! It’s not exactly going to stop anything, but it’ll delay it.
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CandyCastle: My friend said his dad had a dream he missed his own funeral. o_O
Cantankerous_: I read Urinal.
Cantankerous_: Don’t know why.
CandyCastle: Imagination to the max.
Cantankerous_: “So today… I had a dream!” “About what, dad!?” “That I missed my own Urinal” – Walks away -
CandyCastle: Rofl
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I am asked so many questions…
But my own questions will never be answered.
I always have to find the answers myself…
Maybe that’s why so many people are befriending me…
In fact, I am such a stubborn person, making mistakes all the time.
But isn’t it alright to make mistakes on a path no one has ever walked before?
I’m not a dreamer, I’m making the things I want come true.
Most people can’t see the sacrifices and pain that it takes to be so passionated…
But somehow I became very calm with it because I have wonderful friends who are like a family to me.
And I thank you all for being there beside me, as I go through my schooling, and work on my art and my skills to become who I want to be…
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You Clever Devil
A teacher asks: I shoot five birds, 2 are dead. How many are left?
Student: None, the others flew away from the sound of the shot.
Teacher: No! It’s a math question, but I like your style.
Student: So, I have a question for you teacher: 3 Women are eating ice-cream, one of them is licking it, one is sucking it, and one is biting it. Which one is married?
Teacher gets embarrassed and answers: Sucking it?
Student: No! The one with the ring on her finger, but I like your style.
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Make sure you want this before you ask
The missus came home steaming drunk last night.
“You up for some role play action, babe?” she asked with a wink.
“Not really,” I replied.
“Oh, come on,” she said. “We can act out
ANY scene, from
ANY film you want.”
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realized her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror…
As I shouted, “
THIS… IS…
SPARTA!” and kicked her down the stairs.
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I realized that I was holding onto something that didn't exist anymore. That the person I missed didn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but that never works.
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SynysterDeath9: I’m better now. : (reply)
SynysterDeath9: .. :# (reply)
SynysterDeath9: ****EFINGURbzijtnx. (reply)
SynysterDeath9: THIS IS SHIT. (reply)
SynysterDeath9: :# (reply)
SynysterDeath9: ==-.- (reply)
SynysterDeath9: ;3? (reply)
SynysterDeath9: OH GODDAMMIT (reply)
SynysterDeath9: :3 (reply)
SynysterDeath9: VICTORY (reply)
To SynysterDeath9: LOL
SynysterDeath9: If I failed again someone would have got shot. (reply)
