Latest Activity: Played Heroes of the Realm (22 minutes ago)
A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I’m still not over the pig.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off. (Honey, I’m home . What the…?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can’t believe that pig…quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat’s urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (Talk about a southpaw.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread these crazy facts.
If at first you don’t succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.
Evening news is where they tell you ‘good evening’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Don’t ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year…he died laughing.
If at first you don’t succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege
Why did the chicken cross the streets
Kindergarten teacher: to cross the street
Plato: To find better future
Pope: Only God know
Police: Give me 5 minutes with the chicken and I’ll know why
Aristoteles: Because it’s their natural habit
Martin Luther King Jr.: I dreamed of a world which let all the chicken crossed the street without asking why….
Machiavelli: The important point is that the chicken crossed the road! Who cares why! The end of the crossing will decide the chicken motivation
George W. Bush: We don’t care why that chicken crossed! We just wanna know if that chicken is on our side or not! There’s no middle side here!
Darwin: The chicken had been through an incredible time periods, had been through a natural selection with a specific method and naturally eliminated by crossing the street
Einstein: Is that chicken crossed the street or the street moved under that chicken, it’s all depends on our point of view.
Nelson Mandela: There will never again be asked why the chicken crossed the road! It is a role model which I will defend to the death
Thabo Mbeki: We must find out whether it is true there is a correlation between the chicken and the road
Mugabe: After a long time the street’s controlled by white farmers, the downtrodden poor chicken has waited too long for the street to be given to them and now it crossed with the encouragement of the chicken’s war veterans. We are determined to take over the street and give it to chickens, so they can cross the street without fear that was given by the British government which promised to reform the road. We will not stop until the chicken got a street to be crossed and have the freedom to cross the street!
Isaac Newton: All chickens in the world will cross the road vertically in a straight line that is not confined in a uniform speed, unless the chicken stops because there are disproportionate reaction from the opposite direction
A man found himself washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. There were only a sheep and a sheepdog washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hilary Clinton.
That evening, the man brought Hilary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze – perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get ‘those feelings’ again..
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Hilary and told her he hadn’t had sex for months. Hilary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
He said, ‘Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to heaven. When she is up there she notices that there are clocks on the wall. Well, she asks St. Peter what they are for. St Peter “Well these count how many lies someone said during their life.”
“This one is Abe Lincon’s clock. It has moved only twice. This is St. Mary’s. It has never moved.”
H Clinton asks “Where is my husband’s clock?”
St. Peter “His is in his office being used as a ceiling fan”