CracKBone's profile

Member Since: Apr. 11, 2008
Last Login: Feb. 13, 2012
Current Points: 7830
Comments: 282
Forum posts: 6
Location: Metro Manila, Phillipines

About me

Welcome. Please keep your hands and all body parts in the ride at all times.

To start, you must know that CracKBone is the only member of the species Mammalus Awesomenimus and is therefore given special protection.

His early life remains a mystery. Many say that he was created when a tornado, a tsunami, an earthquake, and a volcanic eruption happened simultaneously. Others say he was made from a sculpture of Adonis. And yet, other people believe that he was born when Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, and Mr T. finally came together.

He is a great preacher of the one and true Flying Spaghetti Monster. He is known to have fought off the heretical Invisible Pink Unicorn Horde. In one particular battle, in Thermopylae, he fought alongside Leonidas, but because of their apparent shirtlessness he left them to their doom.

CracKBone resides in the Macaroni sect of the Pastafarianists, one that believes life has its twists and turns, much like the said pasta. All Pastafarian Macaronists carry heavy firepower as to live through the twists and turns, with CracKBone being the exception. His huge muscular stature is already considered a weapon and the state requires a Class III permit for it.

Alas, even the greatest and mightiestest of Lion Bear Tigers die. Many a great people have predicted the death of this awesome being, none being correct. They say that he can die only when all the orphans in the world are triathletes. Even more say that he’ll only perish when the Noodley One Himself grasps him with His noodles of might. But the only truth is that CracKBone will simply not perish, he may die, but he’ll live on in the minds of every single super model known to man.

By reading this article, you have wasted 5 minutes of your life. You shall not receive your time back. Go stalk someone else.