DarkLycanthrope

<>ATTENTION: THIS PROFILE HAS RECENTLY BEEN UPDATED. LAST UPDATE: SEPTEMBER 2, 2010<>

Hello, ladies. As you probably know, or by reading this will probably learn, in a lot of ways, I'm not like most guys. I don't understand football, or any sport with a name that doesn't accurately describe what it is. Nobody told ME that boxing didn't involve cardboard! I don't like girls with big boobs, which is also rare among members of my gender and sexual orientation. I prefer redheads over blondes, also rare.


Truth is stranger than fiction. Case in point: Justin Beiber. The kid's only 13 and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do. Half the girls at Patrick Henry love him. All of the guys at school think he's a douchebag, which he is. My question is, what are those girls on, and where can I get some, because let me tell you, THAT is a ca-razy trip.


I have been told quite recently that I am creepy. I know, right? I was shocked, too. How was I supposed to know that watching my neighbor shower is something a creepy person would do? I was also recently accused of stalking a girl. I don't get that. Texting someone repeatedly and asking where she is... is stalking? If that's the case, maybe I should watch her take showers instead. It's not like that's any worse.


Has anyone else ever seen a wheelbarrow full of bricks and a sign that says free on someone's front lawn? I have. I stole the sign and left the wheelbarrow full of bricks there.


On the more disgusting side, I don't believe there's any problem with incest. I wouldn't do it, but if two consenting adults want to do that, who am I to disagree? Nor do I have a problem with gay love, lesbian love, polygamy, gay polygamy, or human/animal "love". That last one is disgusting, but if you really think about it... wait... if you really think about it, it's still really disgusting.


Side note: Here is one more key difference between Americans and Canadians. Americans say "USA, MOTHERFUCKER!" Canadians say "US, eh?"


Also: Gimme a shout if you agree with me: The Charger Girls are way hotter than the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.


Also, guys, and lesbo/bi girls: Who would you rather fuck: Emma Wattson, Avril Lavigne, or Hayley Williams? Shout your answer.


The Continuing Adventures of DarkLycanthrope:

Episode 1: Why Does This Always Happen To Me?

I went bowling, and randomly picked up a bomb instead of a bowling ball. Strangely, the explosion didn't kill me, but rather, split my personality into five different individuals, each with their own body, plus my original self: DarkEmothrope, "Emothrope" for short (an emo version of myself)

DarkAssholethrope, "Asshole" for short (an asshole-ish version of myself)

DarkSmexythrope, "Darks" for short (a smooth-talking, sexy, womanizer version of myself. Funny, I don't ever remember having a "smexy" side)

SheLycanthrope, "Shelly" for short (my feminine side)

Bob (the unused portion of my brain, he's pretty stupid)

Forced to live with the awkwardness of having to hang out in a group of six while being totally alone, I killed myself. My ghost emerged on earth, but it was never picked up and brought to the afterlife. My body was revived by weopon_x as a zombie, named Zombie. From this point on, the names DarkLycanthrope, Dark, DL, Lycan, DarkL, etc. refer to my ghost. {} will be used to denote who is speaking. (i.e. {}Zombie{}: braaaaaains) When {} is not used, assume that my ghost is talking.

<>NEW EPISODE<>Episode 2: It's No Fun Being Dead

A lot has happened since, I guess, yesterday. Asshole shot at an exploding barrel with a BB gun and the pellet bounced off and hit me in the groin. A zombie appocalypse occured in Atlas Park (I know. Fun times, right?), and Zombie finally got a girlfriend. The appocalypse ended as it usually does in most zombie movies, and few humans, apart from a few noobs, were harmed. Zombie's "girlfriend" was killed off by an overzealous editor for the sake of a plotline, and Zombie said, "NOOOOOOOOO!", his very second word. (His first was "brains".) Oh, and apparently, it's that time of the month for Shelly, or as she's now known, "Bitchy McBitch". Also, being dead sucks. I can't tackle hug anyone without passing right through them. Yet because of poor character design, or maybe because my editor is an asshole, I'm not immune to any kind of pain.


Favorite Quotes:
VinnyOfTheFunk: "Suck my gender-specific extremity"

JennahRawr: "Does this smell like chloroform?"

DarkLycanthrope: "in the pants"

JennahRawr: "I'm a sexy best You're a sexy beast let's get together n get sexxehh.."

nuber7: "When all else fails, pull Chuck Norris out of your pocket and hope for the best."


<>UPDATED<>Kong Family:
Sisters: taildfox, poketronex, shannonismybffl, pika5998, darkangel9656, JennahRawr

Brothers: buffdude, nuber7 (brother-in-law)


["Lose Yourself" by Eminem]
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it? Or just let it slip?

Yeah,
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking how, everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it, he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

This soul's escaping, through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, homey grows hotter
He blows it's all over, these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the Globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose 'cause here goes the cold water
These hoes don't want him no mo', he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like two dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I been chewed up, and spit out, and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin' the next cypher
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can't get by with my nine to five
And I can't provide the right type of life for my family
'Cause man, these Goddamn food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's Lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not 'cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

You can do anything you set your mind to, man


[Excerpt from "Airplanes, Part II" by B.o.B ft. Hayley Williams and Eminem]
Lets pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
Lets pretend things would have been no different
Pretend he procrastinated had no motivation
Pretend he just made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind
Marshall you’re never gonna make it Makes no sense to play the game there ain’t no way that you’ll win
Pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends
Pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend
And it wasn’t time to move and schools were changing again
He wasn’t socially awkward and just strange as a kid
He had a father and his mother wasn’t crazy as shit
And he never dreamed he could rip stadiums and just lazy as shit
Fuck a talent show in a gymnasium bitch You won’t amount to shit quit daydreaming kid
You need to get your cranium checked You thinking like an alien it just ain’t realistic
Now pretend they ain’t just make him angry with this shit And there was no one he could even aim when he’s pissed it
And his alarm went off to wake him off but he didn’t make it to the rap Olympics Slept through his plane and he missed it
He’s gon’ have a hard time explaining to Hailey and Laney these food stamps and this WIC shit
Cuz he never risked shit he hopes and he wished it but it didn’t fall in his lap so he ain’t even here
He pretends that…

[Hayley Williams]
Airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now Wish right now wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now Wish right now wish right now


["Love The Way You Lie" by Eminem ft. Rihanna]
[Rihanna] Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem] I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
I sufficate
And right before im about to drown
She resuscitates me
She fucking hates me
And I love it
Wait
Where you going
I'm leaving you
No you ain't
Come back
We're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane
Cause when it's going good
It's going great
I'm Superman
With the wind in his bag
She's Lois Lane
But when it's bad
It's awful
I feel so ashamed
I snap
Who's that dude
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Rihanna] Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem] You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe
When you're with them
You meet
And neither one of you
Even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills
Used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick
Of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em
Never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face
Spewing venom
And these words
When you spit 'em
You push
Pull each other's hair
Scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down
Pin 'em
So lost in the moments
When you're in 'em
It's the rage that took over
It controls you both
So they say it's best
To go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today
That was yesterday
Yesterday is over
It's a different day
Sound like broken records
Playin' over
But you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave
Out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

[Rihanna] Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem] Now I know we said things
Did things
That we didn't mean
And we fall back
Into the same patterns
Same routine
But your temper's just as bad
As mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love
You're just as blinded
Baby please come back
It wasn't you
Baby it was me
Maybe our relationship
Isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens
When a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is
I love you too much
To walk away though
Come inside
Pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity
In my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time that I'm pissed
I'll aim my fist
At the dry wall
Next time
There will be no next time
I apologize
Even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed
And set the house on fire

[Rihanna] Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And hear me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie


["Not Afraid" by Eminem]
I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts don't try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he's still shit'n
Whether he's on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shit's his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he's got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the universe

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

Ok quit playin' with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last Relapse CD was "ehhhh"
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain't playin' around
There's a game called circle and I don't know how
I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
To focus soley on handling my responsibility's as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldn't lift a single shingle on it
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road