DustinSelmUSA's profile

This is a message from Dustin’s mum..

My son, Dustin, just turned 17. A very good looking young man, 6 foot 2, curly brown hair and warm brown eyes with a bright smile and with a quirky sense of humor you just had to laugh at. A big brother to Logan age 7 and Liza 9 weeks old. Dustin was practicing to take his drivers license test and thinking about entering his senior year of high school. I only wish I could tell you about the next chapter in Dustin’s life story, but it suddenly, unexpectedly ended. Dustin killed himself. So many people ask me why did he choose to do this. I am hoping this might answer some of your questions…
Dustin was diagnosed Bi Polar a year and a half ago. What does that mean? It means his brain thought differently than most people. He suffered with sever depression, feelings of hopelessness and total isolation. These feelings he kept locked up inside. For the most part, on the outside he looked fine, but when something hurtful happened to Dustin, he would relive many past things that hurt him as if they happened only yesterday and pile those feelings on top of the current issue at hand. He wanted to believe things would get better, but he couldn’t. Just as people that have Cancer, Dustin did not choose to have Bi Polar and there is no known cure. He took medication, spoke to therapist and tried to self medicate on occasions with drugs and alcohol. All attempts to make him feel better about life. Dustin’s medication had recently been switched and they were trying to find the right dose, he had a falling out with his best friend and his girl friend and he was worried about school and finding a summer job, simply having a purpose in life. Many people with this condition do not kill themselves, but on June 1st, 2011, Dustin, in a dark moment was in so much pain, he saw no other way out. Dustin did not see how much this would hurt me, Logan, his grandparents and what he considered most important in his life… his friends.
A week had passed since Dustin’s Memorial Service. My friend Sheryl had been staying with me for a few days. Her husband John came from Cincinnati to pick her up and brought Dustin’s things from his grandparents house home to me. I had asked John to erase a few things off Dustin’s computer but he had not found anything that he thought I might not want on it. The day Sheryl left another friend Michelle arrived from Denver to stay with me for the next five days. Both Sheryl and Michelle were my best friends from grade school through high school. We had all reconnected a little over a year ago when Michelle’s mother passed away from lung cancer. Who would have known I would have needed these friends now more than ever.
During Michelle’s visit, I explained to her I had been struggling with finding a new church for many different reasons. Michelle, being a sister Christian, felt strongly at this time in my life, I needed to plug in some where fast. I told Michelle about 2 different Churches I wanted to visit. To my surprise, Michelle agreed to visit both churches on the same Sunday while she was in town.
The first church we went to was Dustin’s church, he was a member of their youth group and was baptized there on March 27th, 3 days after Liza was born, I was still in the hospital, Dustin insisted that he could not wait to be baptized at a different time when I could be there to wittness the occcassion. I really enjoyed the people and the music at Dustin’s church, but it was very hard seeing his friends with him missing from their group.
At the second church the Pastor started off by saying, this is the first of a three part series called Glimpse, I have never preached on this topic in all of my years of preaching, we are going to talk about Heaven. Michelle glanced at me as tears filled my eyes. I knew at that moment God had me right where I was supposed to be with a message meant just for me to hear. The Pastor spoke about a book he recently read and he interviewed the author and young boy the book is about called “Heaven Is For Real”. What they had to say was an incredible in site of Heaven. I remember the Pastor saying so many of us never think about Heaven because we are to busy in our daily lives here on earth. Kinda like ice cream, it looks good, but until you actually taste it, you never really crave it or pay much attention to it. Most people here on earth try to fill this empty hole in their lives with relationships with their spouses, children, jobs or even spending time on the Internet. But really the empty hole will never be filled until we get to Heaven. It is simple, we are all Homesick. At this point in the sermon, I about fell to my knees, you see when I had asked my friend John to erase things off Dustin’s computer, I had told him specifically to erase Dustin’s desk top screen but John didn’t. Dustin had place a picture on his desk top that simply said " H o m e S i c k ". I knew at this time, God was telling me “I got this”, “I am taking care of Dustin now in Heaven” and you don’t have to worry any more.
I have told several friends about God’s awesome message and how he so amazingly pulled things together to get me where I was supposed to hear his words. I guess when people say somehow good will come out of Dustin’s death, this is what they were talking about. I am now keeping my eyes on spending eternity in Heaven with my Lord and now my son Dustin. However, if you find yourself thinking about commiting suicide I urge you to find someone that will listen to you, then talk about how you are feeling and most importanty, trust in God that he will help you through each day one day at a time through the good days and the bad ones.
In Dustin’s darkest hour God’s son Jesus was holding my son. Dustin wasn’t alone.
I hope this story may bring you Peace.
Jenny