MuphinnMix

I live in my mom’s basement and i enjoy eating dogs and socks. This year i plan on wearing a shoe as a hat all year, and perhaps even having the pleasure of owning several pencils. On a daily basis i sample what types of wood taste the best, and afterwards i daydream about someday being able to shoot penguins out of my ass. Somedays i attempt to tunnel down through my floor in an attempt to find a good hiding spot for my dead cat collection. When not online, i normally am either sucking at my dog with a vacuum or licking windex off of windows. Perhaps one day i could get a job poking a human fetus with a mirror, or maybe i could get payed in lumps of lint at a desk job. I know twenty-three languages, all of which i have made up. Lastly, i have a growth on my foot that has a tooth coming out of it and i am wondering at the moment if you could make a good sofa out of a few thousand pairs of eyebrows. Oh, and when I’m online, be sure to congratulate me for opening my windows in winter, letting the snow come in and building an indoor snowman. Too bad i ended up crapping on it and covering it with peanuts. As for my childhood, i seem to draw a blank. My theory is i was a mafia boss as a child and got brainwashed. Before that though, i belive i was a larva and i pupated at age two. I spend much of my time in school thinking about hamsters or attempting to scratch my elbow with a ball of sticky tack. Occasionally i am also caught stealing parts from our fetal pig dissection, so i may bring them home to sacrifice, and appease the mighty gods of all things circular or chewy. Instead of gum i normally chew on a lump of wire casings, imagining that it was instead a little gnome in my mouth that thwacks my teeth with an iron turkey leg. Outside of school, i normally waddle around with a sack of potatoes hanging from my chin as i try to visualize the picture of a piece of wood. I still cannot get off of my habit of eating plastic bags, although to me it is one of life’s biggest pleasantries. When i am home alone, I try to ignite my flatulence and rocket various objects out of my ass. Sometimes they get stuck, and i am forced to break out the glue sticks, the rubber bands and the tabasco sauce. After a bout such as this i will not be able to sit down for weeks. When only my dogs are home, i try to cut off my fingernails with a piece of raw meat, then i use them to make a nice hat for my dogs. If i make them hats, not only my i stave off plagues of locusts and any glue shortages, but it also makes them hump my leg more often. After i finish school i intend to first make a shrine in my home to my gods, and to appease them i must smear myself with paste, and burn little pieces of erasers and inhale the fumes until i black out. Other than that though, You will mostly see me gloating over my collection of deceased animals, of which i enjoy comparing to various types of wood, or you will not see me, as i am most likely duct-taping myself in a cocoon of fish shaped pieces of solid waste, or perhaps i will be practicing my skills with turning a 16-ounce bag of chips into a 3-pound mound of crumbs. Lastly, i would just like to share that I have many videos on YouTube on the delicate practice of pole dancing while imagining the pole to really be a stick of frozen refried beans. I have always been a simple child, with mediocre needs and plain desires. For example, I find sometimes that when I tilt my head back too far I have a strange urge to smell a cat. On other occasions, I react to lights being turned off an on in quick succession by flaring my nostrils as I imagine portions of my brain sliding down my nose hairs and out of my nose not unlike a fireman. Some of my hobbies include spreading my butt cheeks and imagining the ring of hair around my asshole to be the bristles on a venus fly trap, and I run around trying to gobble people up. I think that trying to close my asshole over a grown mans face is the biggest rush I could ever ask for. I find most people are just fine with me attempting to eat them with my fly trap, I believe this is because I am usually on my leash or the fact that I was born with a small penis. Another favorite hobby of mine is how I lick bagfuls of rock salt while wearing woman’s clothing. One party trick that i know and enjoy much is how I like violently twisting my head back and forth, while imagining any food that i see in sight to be a wet carrot flossing with a battery case and singing Soulja Boy. On several occasions I got so exited seeing my little friends again that I ate a lot of them and then woke up in a hospital. At dinner, I always imagine feeding my parent’s genitals to wild animals whenever I see them, as sometimes they keep me from seeing my delicious food or they don’t let me use my flytrap on the friends they bring over. As for my looks, I believe I am quite handsome for my age, and I must thank my mother for shooting up with heroin when she was pregnant with me as i know it contributed to the alluring set of teeth that grow around each of my nipples, and not to mention my sagging, wrinkly eyelids. All in all I would just like to say that because God made me perfect, I expect to be treated like a king and if you ever see me outside of school I trust that when I attempt to suck on your face with my asshole you will take care not to get tangled in my ass hair- after all, I wax and brush it every day, and I definitely don’t want to pick anything other than the pieces of shit that hang constantly from my anal hair out, because sooner or later all the people and week old shits stuck in my hair plug up my asshole and I have to shit out my ear.