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Sometimes, I feel like a early-to-mid-20s middle-to-upper-class suburban white girl who just dropped her new iPhone 6 and spilled her Starbucks skinny mocha chai latte on her new Ugg boots. ...
... Because I literally can not even.
Full name: P¥rσñîçù§Drαçóñì§ (Pyronicus Draconis) Destroyer of Cats and Bears, and Puncher of Faces. Burner of His Enemies and Booper of Noses. Inventor, manufacturer & dispenser of Über-Epic HuggleSauce® "The Hugs you can eat!"™
As stated above, I am the one and only maker & dispenser of all Über-Epic HuggleSauce® "The Hugs you can eat!"™ Feel free to use the generic stuff, though, Uber-Epic HuggleSauce (NO UMLAUTS!)
PyroDragon: :D YAY FOR PEACEFUL CONCLUSIONS!
New2U2: Indeed. The world could use more.
PyroDragon: nothing says "Peaceful" like a Dragon hugging a Panther
ItBePenguinYo: You're an honorary Penguin! ;D
There is a new way to say "congrats" when someone posts that they've completed an achievement (challenge, badge, etc.):
©2008 Pyro & Eldavo
«:§ƒ•ƒ)~~~ «:§ƒ•ƒ)~~~ «:§ƒ•ƒ)~~~ «:§ƒ•ƒ)~~~ «:§ƒ•ƒ)~~~ «:§ƒ•ƒ)~~~
I am also the "DAGRONEX over 9000!" the official Security System/Furnace for _Sloth_ and _Road Less Traveled_.
The following Kong users are my official hats: disturbedtophat, & LobsterMobster. LobsterMobster is my EPIC HAT (made EPIC by Everlovely) I am Everlovely's EPIC MOUNT
I am a being from Graaaafno Orrnaaarkkk (roughly translated, it means "Glorious Heat"). It's the fourth planet from our Suns, the Star-System you call "Alpha Centauri".
My race, whose name cannot be translated into any of your present languages (though I've been told by some of our Elders that it was able to be translated into ancient Aramaic), resembles what you humans (more specifically Asians) call 'Dragons', and may, in fact be what you call 'Dragons', as we have been visiting this planet for some 2 million years now. We can live to be approximately 7500 earth years old (though about 5000 is the average), and grow to be over 600' long, (tip-of-nose to tip-of-tail), and 300' tall (ground to tip-of-horn) when standing on all fours, with head and neck forward. Our wingspan generally reaches it's max of 400', at age 250. I am only just beginning the adolescence stage of my species, and am 87' long & 46' tall, with a 95' wingspan. (Note: My profile pic is NOT a photograph of me, or one of my species).
In case you're wondering, yes, we breathe fire. It isn't so much a flame, as it is two violently reactive chemicals our bodies produce, which we release from secondary holes near the end of our nasal cavities. The resulting chemical reaction behaves in a way similar to Ancient 'Naphtha' (aka 'Greek Fire'), or Modern-Day 'Napalm. The chemicals we use for our fire-breathe are created within our body by recycling 99% of our waste. Having eliminated the need for an anus, tens of thousands of years of evolution has removed it completely from our bodies. The remaining 1% is expelled as urine.The scales covering most of our body is about five times as hard as diamonds, and the scales on our back, along the spine, are ten times as hard as diamonds, and sharp enough to split a human hair(lengthwise) in thirds. No, we are NOT invincible, however, we have evolved to be nearly impossible to kill.
Since I've been asked on multiple occasions, I'll point out; Yes, there are female 'Dragons'. Our females tend to be slightly smaller than the males, and lack the horn on the nose. If you have any other questions about us, just ask.
MORE DRAGON HISTORY:
As I mentioned above, the creatures that Humans call "Dragons" are actually an ancient species (compared to you) from another planet. Our species had already existed for about 500 years when Apes were just starting to come down out of the trees on Earth. Our home planet is about 3.5x the size of Earth. We first evolved to suit the environment of our planet, but the thin atmosphere meant little protection from our sun's heat and radiation, resulting in and incredibly harsh, hot, dry climate (only about 40% of our planet is covered by water). Aside from us, not many large species could survive there; we were the first and biggest, so we preyed upon the other species until their extinction. This meant we had to find a new source of food. Having evolved to live with very little atmosphere, it didn't take long (about 1000 years) for us to evolve the ability to survive for short periods of time with no atmosphere at all (in the vacuum of space); kind of how Humans are able to hold their breathe and survive underwater for short periods of time, only with us, it's for several hours.
We searched for food on our nearest planetary neighbor (which is about 2.5x the size of Earth), and found it to be quite plentiful. So for tens of thousands of years, our primary source of food were the few larger species of our nearest neighboring planet. However, one species, which was primitive when we first arrived, also relied on that source of food; they fought us rather eagerly, and with great success in many cases. They became the dominant species of that planet, and began to protect it jealously. They evolved their minds and technology rather rapidly to defend themselves and their resources against us. Their technology advanced far too quickly for us to evolve to keep up with it. However, the electronics in their technology relied on gold for the wiring.
Their planet once had plentiful sources of gold and silver (the two best conductive metals that exist), the total volume was approximately the same as the total volume of water on Earth. It was so readily available that for thousands of years, gold and silver were worth about as much as steel is on Earth (useful and worth recycling, but nobody would pay to for scrap bits of it). Our planet had nearly twice as much gold and silver as theirs, but since we couldn't eat it or use it for shelter, it was rather useless to us. However, their fast and extensive development and production of technology meant they mined all their sources to exhaustion, causing the values to skyrocket. Now our planet was the only known source of gold or silver within over 2 light years.
The time had come for Representatives of our two planets to talk. We agreed to stop preying on the animals of their planet while a Treaty was being developed on the condition they found us another planet nearby with enough to sustain us. They told us of several within our own planetary system, which were not much further from us than their planet was. However, it was too far for us to travel. They agreed to use their ships to get the food in exchange for gold &/or silver (for which my species had never had a use). After over two years of meetings and peace talks, the Representatives of both planets finally reached an agreement.
The Treaty dictated that their people, every plant and animal that is a source of food the them and every natural resource they use that is on their planet would be absolutely of limits to our species, by penalty of death; in exchange, they would continue to ship us food in the form of the many species from theirs and other nearby planets that they are not capable of eating (but we are).
In addition, we would trade them our gold, silver and other resource that we do not use (but they do), in exchange for the technology necessary to find and colonize other planets that can support us, once our home planet reaches its population limit; at the time, this was estimated to occur within the next 100 to 200 years.
When the time came for us to find a new planet, they kept their word; they had already started visiting and colonizing other planets; which was not surprising, given the extent of their technology. At the time, they were capable of Light-Speed Travel, near-Perpetual Motion (engine efficiency of around 90%), Fusion-Reactor Power Cells the size of a small car (your solar system's smallest one is the Sun). They had Anti-Gravity Field Generators capable of producing AG fields outwards 100 yards, Cool-Plasma Technology for spacecraft windows, and Hot-Plasma Technology for weapons.
They told us their exploration led to the discovery of a handful of new worlds suitable for inhabitation for them, but their needs were different than ours. They told us of three somewhat nearby with no sentient life, but plenty of food and shelter, that were not suitable for them to inhabit, but would be perfect for us. They helped us get move and get started on the three planets. They also told us of another planet they were quit fond of visiting. They said it was not to be colonized, as there was sentient life, but visiting it would be OK. They told us that it's people called the planet "Earth".
They said that when they first visited Earth they found a species that looked surprisingly similar to themselves. They were living nomadic lifestyles. Following large prey, gathering edible plants, etc. Calling themselves "Humans" or "Homosapiens", they are now dominant species on Earth. They told us of how, over thousands of years, they visited again and again, occasionally sharing knowledge, but mostly just to watch the Human species as they grew. They watched as you started developing civilizations, commerce, government, and weapons. They told us that when they visited Earth for thousands of years, the Humans worshipped them as Gods, because they had never seen such advanced technology. Remember, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." The fact that they looked similar to Humans probably didn't hurt, either. They told us that they were not sure we would get the same warm welcome, though.
When we first started visiting Earth, our neighbors had provided us with two pieces of technology. One would auto-program itself allow us to speak and understand up to 3 different Human languages. The other was a communication device that would allow us to contact the nearest one of their ships with questions about the Humans. They told us they would not intercede in our affairs with Humans, but they would provide information and advice on how to deal with Human in different situations and from different areas of the world (they had been watching you grow up for so long).
When we finally encountered Humans on Earth, we got different reactions from different regions of the planet. In Asia, we were celebrated and accepted into their culture. Pretty much everywhere else, we were monsters, and were hated and hunted without mercy. Early on in the days of us visiting Earth and encountering Humans, our species hadn't agreed 100% on the rules we would abide by in relation to Humans. We found out pretty fast they should be kept away from. At the time, there were plenty of other sources of food that we could eat. For the most part, we only eat Humans as a last resort, to defend ourselves. In some areas that we settled, staying away was not easy, because they sought us out for one reason or another.
At first we were actually quite confused as to why some of the humans came with the intent of killing us and some came with the intent of snuggling. We contacted our neighbors about this and they informed us that Humans, like Dragons and themselves, also have two genders. At that point in Human history, the males were expected to be warriors and protect their land and people from any threats, which would explain the hostility. As for why some Humans seemed to want our protection, they were unsure. We finally found out that it was the females that were coming to us for help. When we found out that they came to us seeking protecting from the males (who only sought to harm us), we were much more eager to help. So we formed a truce, they stayed and kept us company, and we protected them against the men from which they were running.
The stories of women being "kidnapped" and "held captive" by Dragons are only partially true. We did often have princesses and other Ladies in our caves back then, but we didn't kidnap them. They apparently knew that we had no interest in making them part of our diet. 99ish% of the time, the women came to us because they were going to be forced to marry against their will, or the man they married was a complete dick, or the man they married was going to war and the woman was afraid for her safety. There were a few exceptions.
Some Dragons decided to abuse this trust and lured women to their lairs with the intent of harming them or ransoming them back for livestock or sometimes even a castle of his own. One Dragon who was infamous for harming innocent women was called Volundyear. He would seek out women looking for protection, and lure them to his lair. Once he had her there, he would torture her in gruesome ways, usually involving the methodic removal of limbs, and finally eating her just before she would die of blood loss.
Despite those few bad apples, Dragons have done their best to live peacefully along side Humans. Too many humans had a problem with sharing the planet with us, though, so the fighting continued.
Midway through the second millennia AD, our neighbors decided that we were not as suited to interact with Humans as well as they had hoped. However, we had grown to enjoy the planet, and they did not want to break our deal with them. So they developed a Matter-Condenser that, when worn, would allow us to take the form of a Human being. We put it to use immediately, with great success. In more than one way; now that we could take the form a a Human, the women that came to us for protection could relate to us more fully. This led them to be attracted to us sexually. We contacted our neighbors on the issue, and they said that they had mated with humans several times in the past, and saw no problem with us doing the same.
Eventually, they women started request that we stay in our original form for sex. A few of us attempted it, with disastrous results, so that was the end of that. We still often inter-breed with humans, but we now abide by the rule that our males may only do so while in Human form, to avoid injuring or killing the Human female. Female Dragons don't HAVE TO change to Human form, but they usually do so when they mate with Human males.
We soon learned that Dragon and Human DNA is compatible, and they can produce viable hybrid offspring. When the offspring is Human, it receives many of the natural resistances that a Dragon possesses. Examples of aforementioned resistances are tougher skin and bones, stronger connections between muscle and bone, higher resistance to heat and radiation, ability to eat a wide variety of things that aren't considered food to Humans without injuring the GI tract (most never realize this one).
Over the centuries, now, our neighbors have been able to calculate the probabilities of what the offspring will be under what circumstances, down to a rather reliable set of statistics. [M=Male, F=Female ; D=Dragon, H=Human]
[(MD+FH=HM or HF) ≈ 99%] ; [(MD+FH=DM or DF) ≈ 1%] offspring rarely makes it to full term (only about .01%)
[(FD+MH=HM or HF) ≈ 65%] ; [(FD+MH=HM or HF) ≈ 35%]
I recently purchased a fedora, and several of my Kong friends also have fedoras, so we decided to form a Kong Mafia. Our purpose will be to sit around, looking cool while wearing fedoras. If you're interested in becoming a member, please ask. We have two prerequisites:
1. A Kong Membership (which you have already)
2. Males who wish to join must provide visual proof that they own a fedora. It is not required that females own a fedora, but it is encouraged.