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About me

I SURVIVED Infected Fury and all I got was this lousy profile text. Go survivors! Also, I forged swords in Dragon Age: Orgins. Hooray? SevereFlame: Winner of the Best Avatar Award (2008) (http://www.kongregate.com/forums/2/topics/5957) and the Most Awesome Person Ever Award (2007-2009) OMG! I TOTALLY GOT OVER 10,000 POINTS AND LEVEL 42! WHOOOOOOOOO! Visit "www.freewebs.com/severeflame/"! Now (NOT) updated weekly (BUT SEE THE MEMORIES!) Anyway, Greg Is So Evil 3 is out now!! So go play it! Working on a game called Volcanohazard now. It's gonna be fun.. just you wait! Did you know that I once had the longest profile on Kongregate? It's true! I swear, my profile was longer then well.. um.. well whatever my profile was longer than it was really long. Maybe 24 pythons lined up in a row or something? I dunno. I like cake, but I like pizza more. Yeah.. pizza is good. Oh no! I'm going on! Am I trying to make my profile the longest profile on Kongregate again without spamming or putting incredible amounts of names and such on my profile? It's possible, but highly unlikely. Although it's going on right now.. hmmm.. I can't even trust myself anymore! Anyway, more about pizza. When I go to school sometimes I get pizza, and the pizza that I get is very nice. Pizza was once the food that I thought was the best, but now ribs are trying to take it's place. Ribs are pretty good too, but something about them makes them a little more unpleasant then pizza. Is it the meat? Man will never know. I hang out in the Sanctuary a lot, and I've recently become addicted to Platform Racing 2. Last time I was addicted to Starfighter, and later I'm sure I might become addicted to something else. Who knows? I sure don't. Even if I did know, I wouldn't trust myself. Remember how I lied to myself about making this profile longer early in the.. well.. uh.. profile? Well, it was a lie, and now I don't trust myself even though I should. In my spare time, when Kongregate has no games for me to play, I'm looking at humor websites and such. To be honest, I'm kinda slipping interest in making games. You know what I mean, when you have good skills for making Flash but can't find a good idea? Well, this isn't it. I have a great idea, but I can't find any way to do it. You're also really losing.. interest from the project. Yeah, I'm having that brain block thing. I used to have a profile bigger then this, written with things I've done before the before, whatever that means. The before the before was before though, before I left Kong. The most dramatic leave was the first one though, but that only lasted a week. The next leave was hidden, when I said that I would be slipping in and out of an alt account and this account. Eventually I went to the alt account and left behind this account, but not for long. 4 months later, I went back on the account to check up on people. A month later I went back again, and then again and again. Suddenly, I found myself back on Kong. I was reunited with every regular that was there before in the Sanctuary. Except like.. 3 or 4 people, but they've moved on to better places. They're dead? No, they're not. I'm not saying where they moved on, but I will say that it's better. Well, you can tell by this point that I'm just squeezing the juice out of the lemon to make.. wait, what? What kind of expression is that? Oh no! I'm doing it again! What I wanted to say is that I'm "squeezing the lemon" (my head) to "get juice" (make my profile longer) and then I started doing it again. Ironic, huh? Wait, I'm doing it a second time! Even more irony! ARGHH!! This loop of me squeezing the lemon and irony can continue on forever. Wait a minute, I'm squeezing the lemon even more! No! What? ARGH!! Every time I try to stop squeezing the lemon by saying that I'm squeezing the lemon I'm squeezing the lemon again! Huh, that's a lot of lemons, right? I don't even like lemons. Or do I? I don't even know, but I like pinapples and kiwi (but not as much as ribs or PIZZA, mind you) so I guess I might like lemon. Speaking of lemons, I'm squeezing the lemon again! OH NO! You can't be serious! You know what, I'm just gonna stop squeezing the lemon and continue on with my life, and this program. You know why I'm doing that? It's because every time I want to stop squeezing the lemon, I squeeze the lemon again. Insanity, right? Wait, I said that already! ARGH! I'm squeezing the lemon again! NO! I'M GOING INSAAAAAAANE! Wait, okay, I'm not gonna say I'm squeezing the lemon ever again. I'm just gonna have to say pizza and ribs a million times to make up for it though. Do you like pizza? Yes I like pizza! Do you like ribs? Yes I like ribs! Pizza! Ribs! Pizza! Ribs! Pizza! Ribs! Can you guess where that pizza and ribs rhythm comes from? It's from that pancake and waffle song. Pancakes and waffles are not as good as pizza and ribs, so I don't know why they sing it. In fact, I don't know where the pizza and ribs or pancakes and waffles song comes from. I just heard some people sing it in my school. Pizza is good, and ribs are good, so why don't they sing about that? These are important questions in life that you should ask yourself. Well, I have nothing else to write about pizza and ribs, so I'm gonna stop squeezing the lemon like you know I'm obviously doing and just stop this profile entry. Wait a minute, didn't I say I was never gonna say I'm squeezing the lemon ever again? OH NO! I'M SQUEEZING THE LEMON AGAIN! Okay, time to abandon the idea of stopping and start squeezing the lemon again. You know what's cool? GIANT FISTS COMING FROM THE SKY!!! Even though I hated the hardness of Storm the House 3's campaign mode, sandbox with the giant fist enabled was very fun. SMASH THE TANKS! OH YEAAAH! Anyway, uh.. hm.. well, I'm gonna talk about PR2 again. PR2 is fun, and while playing tracks are fun, it's more fun to make tracks! My tracks aren't really tracks, but they're adventures. Long, 3-5 minute adventures. Try my tracks! My PR2 name is "Severe Flame", with the space. Go play my courses and rate them 4 or 5s! Please? I'M BEGGING YOOOOOOU! Ah well, I have nothing else to write about, so I'm gonna stop squeezing the lemon.. OR AM I!? DUN DUN DUUUUUN.. no, I'm sorry, I'm not. You wanna read my profile? Well, I'm not finished yet. Oh well, sorry for all the people with OPRD (Obsessive Profile Reading Disorder) but my profile is still gonna be LONG LONG LOOONG. I once had a profile that was really long too, but I think this profile was longer. Did you know most people aren't gonna bother reading this profile because of two reasons? One is that it's as long as a long thing. In the beginning of this long long profile thing I think I said 20 pythons or something. Oh well. The second reason is really obvious, and that reason is, if you didn't get it by now, I KEEP SQUEEZING THE LEMON!!! RAARGHHH!! You know what that reminds me of? Severe Flame appreciation week! It's meant to be the first week of August (my birthday is August 1st..) but it comes late EVERY year because I always forget that it's Severe Flame appreciation week! Ah well! It always ends up being sometime in November. Speaking of flame, I got something to say about Volcanohazard. It's gonna be so cool! It's like DROID, because I never fixed the "go-through-walls-at-the-bottom" glitch (yes that was a glitch) but I instead prevented it by adding LAVA! (lava?) yes, LAVA to the bottom of every rock. You're gonna be Ned, a guy who falls into the volcano and has to get out. Too bad the volcano is filled with EVIL such as LAVA, crazy thing, smaller volcanoes, gas that does certain things, and CRAZY PEOPLE! Oh, and LAVA! Oh no! I'm still squeezing the lemon! Hey, do you want to know something cool? In Flash and Computer Programming and stuff, NaN is like infinity. This means that if you get a score of NaN in something, you got the MAXIMUM possible score. If you hit NaN on a monster, they automatically die. NaN is awesome! 0 also has a weird effect. Some times, 0 will not count toward a score and become NaN. An example of this is the game Mouse 101.If you do NOTHING during the five tests, you get a score of zero. Instead of getting a Rank 1, the score of zero that you get is not counted and therefore becomes an NaN. This NaN takes you up to Rank 11! Negative numbers work in the same way, but they're usually harder to get because most games don't allow negative numbers. So, zero, negative numbers, and NaN equal.. well.. NaN, which equals infinity! It actually doesn't equal a number, but it equals a number that is.. well.. not a number. Since NaN can't be counted by a numerical score, the game automatically deems infinity for it's number. Another explanation is that NaN is not infinity, but a big glitch, which it is. However, by a big glitch I mean NaN literally affects the damage or the score and deletes it because the score still can't be counted in NaN, because NaN is not numerical. This leads to the death of a NaN-hit monster or an excessive score because of non-existent score. Sounds hard doesn't it? Well, get ready because I have a third theory. Ready? Here it is: NaN IS A NUMBER OF IT'S OWN. That's right, you heard it here. NaN IS THE NUMBER NaN. This is actually very close to the infinity theory. NaN is made a number by programs because the value can't be found. NaN is the value above Infinity. That's why NaN is worth so much in games. There's something that has gone unanswered though, and that is: How do you create an NaN? The answer comes from 0 and Infinity. Infinity never ends, while zero is a black hole. If you attempt to play around with these numbers, you get NaN. Some examples are 0 to the power of 0, infinity minus infinity, infinity to the power of zero, negative one to the power of infinity, the square root of a negative number.. ect. The list goes on and on, as we can see that NaN is also what would be described as Undefined in arithmetic terms. Additionally, this entire talk about NaN is what would be described as squeezing the lemon! ARGH! Man, I'm obsessed with squeezing the lemon. Now if only people were obsessed with me.. actually, they are. I hope. I'm kinda famous on Kong for a couple of reasons. The first one is, I'm awesome. Many people WORSHIP ME! And that they should, because I'm so awesome! Hooray! Anyway, second reason is because I started a fad on Kongregate. Can you guess what it is? I'll give you a hint.. it's on the forums a lot.. that's right! I started the mafia game fad! Yup! No mafia games were ever on Kongregate at all before I started the first mafia game! The first mafia game that I made (and was also the first mafia game overall) was called Final Kongregation. If it sounds familiar, it is. But first, I wanna tell you that Final Kongregation quickly started a new fad of Kongregate Mafia Games on the forums! Yay! Anyway, Final Kongregation is familiar because some dudes continued the series to Final Kongregation 2 and Final Kongregation 3. Too bad they didn't do it with my PERMISSION! GRRRRR.. It sucks when someone steals your idea, but it just drives me insane when someone STEALS YOUR WORK. For example, I used to have an avatar with a little guy with an XD on his face and with a fire backround. I called him.. XD Fire Guy. Not very good name? You don't name avatars anyway, so what did I care? Anyway, today I was scanning the new games to see any.. well, new games. Except I was looking for ENTERTAINING new games. So I saw some tutorial for making a character move. I look at it and get bored immediately, because it's not funny and it doesn't even have a next button. You can't stop the tutorial. Anyway, I look at the comments and see my old XD Fire guy avatar, and thought that was me. I look at it closely and see that it's no other then some jerk named Fred with 4 digits after his name! I'm really angry at this point. I go to his profile and drop him a shout about it. Didn't get a response back yet, but it's only been like an hour. WHY DID YOU STEAL MY AVATAR,FRED WHATEVER YOUR LAST 4 NUMBERS ARE!?!? WHHHHYYYYY! *sigh* Okay, so now I wish that I never saved Fred when he was drowning as a gummy wor- I mean earthworm in science class. Wait a minute, I never did! I let him drown, cooked him to death, stabbed him, and then ate him! AHAHA! HOW DO YO..u like that, Fred! That's what you get for stealing my avatar! Wait a minute, this is the most extreme case of squeezing the lemon yet! I'm actually off-topic! I'm supposed to be talking about why I'm famous on Kongregate! GET ON TOPIC SEVEREFLAME! Okay.. I need to calm down again... *breathes*... okay, I'm okay. Anyway, the third reason I'm so famous on Kongregate is because I'm so funny!* (funny might mean funny in the terms of crazy, insane, psycho..) And the fourth reason is because I squeeze the lemon! I'm really giving the people with OPRD a hard time here.. maybe they should hate me for squeezing the lemon so much. After all, at the point the last sentence ended, I had 2,346 words in here! OUCH! THAT'S A LOT! Man, I know a perfect way to make this profile longer. I'm going to include a story about Mario that I made! It's a little more then 600 words long, so it's a long read. The story is named "Itsa Meeeeee!" and well, here it is: "3.." the game roared as Mike put his thumb on the accelerate button. "2.." it blasted as he pressed the button. "1.." the game screamed as his eyes turned into narrow slits. "GO!" the game screamed as Mario's engine exploded in a puff. "NOOOO!!" Mike screamed. He started hammering the acceleration button then stopped. "What am I doing? I'll lose this way!" he thought in his head. He gently pressed it and Mario's go-kart started to go forward, but it was still not enough. "I need to master this curve if I'm ever going to beat Luigi." Mike thought. Mike's eyes opened wide when he realized the curve was very near. He jumped off the couch and started to turn a sharp right, when he felt a wet sensation underneath his foot. He slipped and fell onto the couch, while the Wii Wheel went spinning up into the air. When he realized what happened, Mike ran to the Wii Wheel with his hands outstretched, but it was too late, the Wii Wheel landed and smashed on the floor. Mike suddenly felt himself being pushed by something very powerful, and he landed on his couch as he lost all the breath in his lungs. Mike breathed heavily, but it was no good, since Mike's vision was still blurry, and his lungs seemed smashed. A miracle happened then, as his vision got less blurry and his lungs seemed able to breathe again. All the air that needed to be in his lungs was there again, but when Mike's vision recovered enough to see the figure in front of him, it left again. He stood speechless as he heard the words "Letsa go!" from none other then Mario himself. "W-w-what!?" Mike screamed. Mario started to gun the engine of his bullet bike, saying "Ima gonna kill you!" Mike started to stand up, but by then Mario's engine boomed forward. Mike rolled out of the way, leaving Mario to crash through the wall. Mike ran towards his bike in a hurry. He started to pedal the bike as fast as he could, and started to drive around town. "What does he want with me!?" Mike thought. He turned right and went inside the local mall. "He'll never find me here.." Mike announced. He turned around to confirm it, and saw Mario about 10 feet behind of him. His legs suddenly started to pedal again, and when he turned his head forward, he realized the place he was riding in was Coconut Mall, a course in Mario Kart Wii. "ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!" Mike screamed. Mike suddenly heard a sound, a sound he recognized as the Bullet Bill power-up. He turned right just in time to avoid dying from the force of Mario riding, but then crashed into a wall. He was helpless, he knew that he was doomed unless he got a good power-up. He turned left and jumped the fountain, and looked hopefully at his hands. A shell with wings that was colored blue suddenly appeared. Mike screamed with joy "YESSS!!! BLUE SHELL!" and activated it by throwing it ahead of him. It suddenly started to dash up toward Mario and hit him, throwing his bike into the air. Mike easily sped past him and got to the finish line. A crowd cheered as Mike sped around the finish line two more times and finished the final lap. The crowd went wild as Mike finally slowed down and won the race. He started to jump for joy, laughing and crying at his victory. Suddenly, he saw a blur of red behind him. The crowd gasped as the blur screamed "Itsa meeeeee! A-Mario!". The story is over, and at the end of that last sentence (the one that said "Itsa meeeee! A-Mario!") there were 3017 words. That is WAAAY too many words. I obviously squeeze the lemons so much that I killed the people with OPRD. Yup, it was pure murder. MUUURRRDDDDEEEERRRR! Some guy just posted on my profile saying he'll beat my profile length one day, but I say nay! Hey, that rhymed! And so did that! Anyway, you know what's awesome? Creme Brulee. I thought it was expensive lame food, but then I got a hold of some and it tasted great. I'm eating some as I'm typing this profile, and it's good. Right now, my sister is yelling at me that I'm typing like a yellow shark.. wtf? She's 7 years old, and she's scared of sharks. Especially since I showed her a HUGE picture of a shark on the computer. I can understand her being scared of a picture of a shark, but she's just being ridiculous now. She's scared of the color BLUE because sharks are blue. That's total insanity. I told her that sharks can be any color because of pollution and radiation and stuff. So then she was scared of EVERYTHING. After that, I told her it was a joke, and she was calm for every color again. Except blue of course. Then she was scared of water because of 2 reasons. One reason is that sharks and jellyfish live in water, and the other reason is that jellyfish are clear like water. Did you guys know I got stung by a jellyfish once? I didn't even see the jellyfish, or knew I got stung, but I was in the water and I suddenly felt a SHARP pain in my leg, like some seaweed that was really SHARP had brushed against my leg, and SHARPened it's SHARP needles to SHARPened m.. I mean stuck it's SHARP needles in my leg. It was a jellyfish though, not a SHARP seaweed piece with SHARP needles. And now I'm going to tell you a story. There was a guy named Bob. He liked to eat pie. One day, he took his Barbie Jammin' Jeep Wrangler to a pie store and tried to buy some blueberry pie. The clerk told Bob that they were out of business and now they sell DVDs. Bob was heartbroken. "Where am I going to get SHARKS.. I mean pie now?" Bob wondered. "I guess I'll have to SHARK them my self." Bob realized. He bought a pie recipe on SHARKS.com and then started to make a SHARK pie. He bought 89 SHARKS from the SHARK store and then got a knife to cut them into little pieces. However, the SHARKS were alive, and they tried to SHARK his head off, but then he tripped on a SHARK that was on the floor and they bit air. They bit air so hard that their teeth broke. Bob punched the SHARKS in the face and then cut them up into 128,512 little pieces in total. He then made some pie crust using only a SHARK chair that tasted like wood. He wanted to make his SHARK pie better, and the recipe said to get some Shmat Shmoison cream. Bob went to get some from the cabinet, but as he was walking he got dust in his eye. He tripped over a SHARK that was SHARKING on the floor and hit his head on the cabinet. He was bleeding really bad, but he wanted some SHARK pie more badly. He reached for the cabinet and tried to find the Shmat Shmoision. His vision was really blurry, and he ended up taking Rat Poison instead of Shmat Shmoision. Bob put the Rat Poision in the pie. Bob read the recipe book as well as he could, and the recipe book said to make room for the filling, he needed to put air in the crust. However, his vision was so bad he read the recipe as to put BEAR in his SHARK pie. Bob shrugged and went to a cave to get some BEAR for his SHARK pie. The BEAR ate him, but then he killed the BEAR and put it into his SHARK pie. He put another SHARK that's been blended as the filling and then ate the SHARK pie. Bob then died. Meanwhile, Bob's evil cousin, Bob Number 2, stole his Barbie Jammin' Jeep Wrangler. The End. Do you like that squeezing the lemon of a story? At the end of the last question, there was.. 3770 words in the profile. WOW. Yup, my record for longest profile ever is secure, and the people with OPRD are probably either dead or wish they could be dead. It feels good doing.. good. AHAHAHAH! I am so funny, like I said before. That's why everyone on Kong luvs me! They also love me because I squeeze the lemon. Wait, no, they hate me for that! Noes! New topic! Okay, hold on, I got one. Super Balls are awesome. They're the balls that are made with that really awesome rubber that's 90% bouncy or whatever. They're really cool, and tons of people play with them at my school. They're called handballs at my school though. Okay, I can't really squeeze the lemon about Super Balls, so I'm just gonna talk about subliminal messages. Subliminal messages are --((DRUGS ARE BAD FOR YOU))-- messages that suddenly appear in a piece of music or +=DO NOT DO DRUGS=+ in a video or something. In a piece of music it's kind of a //DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE HYPE\\ hidden message that you can hear in the backround. It's not noticeable unless you ~YOU ARE TOO COOL TO DO DRUGS~ are listening for the message, but if you're just listening to the music you !!DRUGS WILL MESS UP YOUR LIFE!! won't hear it, but it will go into your mind. Videos are a different <> matter though. They're harder to see if you're not looking||NOBODY LIKES DRUGS|| for the messages, but if you try to look for them they're easier to see. Video subliminal ??ONLY LOSERS TAKE DRUGS?? messages are messages that appear REALLY quickly on screen, only for a ``DRUGS ARE EXPENSIVE AND WORTHLESS`` tenth of a second. If you're not looking for it, they won't appear. &&I'M SQUEEZING THE LEMON AGAIN. WAIT, THIS ISN'T A SUBLIMINAL ANTI-DRUG MESSAGE. NOT THAT THERE WERE ANY IN THE FIRST PLACE. I AM NOW GOING TO LOOK AROUND SUSPICIOUSLY%% Okay, now that the subliminal messages are over, I want to tell you something important. Something VERY VERY important. I need a huge notice here to make it noticable so: ####@@@READ THIS!!!@@@#### Okay, now I am going to tell you.. HOW I GOT MY NAME. Okay, well, I was signing up for a new account on RuneScape. I loved fire at that time (I'm not a pyro, I don't burn stuff, I just like fire) so I tried to make my account fire related. So many people signed up for RuneScape, it was hard to find a name. FireWizard, FlameWizard, ExtremeFire, ExtremeFlame, FireOrb, FlameOrb, you get the idea. They were all taken. I eventually tried to think of a word meaning extreme, and I got Severe. I tried SevereFire and it worked. However, SevereFire didn't sound catchy enough. Seriously, SevereFire? What the hell? I chose SevereFlame (actually, Severe Flame with a space) for the name and it got accepted. Yay! Now for another piece of history, how I found Kongregate. I was playing on AddictingGames when I saw a game called.. (DUN DUN DUUUN! SUSPENCE!) Speck Oppression! I clicked on it and the link led me to Kongregate. At that time, Speck Opression had the Speck Revolution badge AND the current card (which was 1st Edition Herbal Remedy). I looked to my right and saw myself in the chat room called Babel. I ended up getting my first badge and my first card on Speck Opression. I also became friends with somebody who's name I can't remember (skaterboy14 is probably either the name or very close to it) and then went to sleep. The next day, I found myself in the chat room called "The Lair", and that's what started everything.. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN. I don't even care that I squeezed the lemon way too much in that last passage. It was important. Anyway.. did you know that you can help rename God? It's true! Just go to http://www.kongregate.com/forums/1/topics/29158 and submit your entry today! No.. this is not squeezing the lemon.. so, I don't know why everyone says RuneScape sucks, it's awesome! Currently developing another game that's really cool. It's a pixel game called Kongregaliens! Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the Kongregate staff? Are YOU a bad enough dude to squeeze the lemon? You know what? It's time for me to be annoying and repeat the entire profile just for some extra space! Visit "www.freewebs.com/severeflame/"! Now updated weekly! Anyway, Greg Is So Evil 3 is out now!! So go play it! Working on a game called Volcanohazard no- Just kidding. I'm gonna be annoying in a different way, by pointing out something obvious! Let's see.. who (greg) do (Greg!) I (GrEg!!) hate (GREG!!!!) ? (GREEEEEEEEEEG!!!!) Oh yeah! Greg! He's very evil. So uh.. yah. I need to make a really obvious joke, but I'm not sure which one. Oh! How about a meme? Hm.. oh my god! I'm brilliant! If you ever asked me how many letters I had in this profile, I'd reply that the number of letters in this profile are OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND! Which is true! When the last sentence (which is true!) ended, I had 24,816 characters (not letters, sorry) in this entire profile! Wow! Now THAT'S over nine thousaaa- sorry. It's amazing that I wrote 24,816 characters without spamming HAHAHAHAHAH or LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL in my profile like an idiot. Right? RIGHT? I still hate Greg. You know, when I'm not squeezing the lemon, playing on Kongregate, reading Cracked or SydLexia articles, getting and reading the monthly GameInformer, playing KoL, and being awesome, I write for Kongiophobia. Wait, that's not it. I forgot what I was going to say. Well, I'm going to pretend that I was thinking of making games. Yeah, that's it. Oh, yeah! Now I remember! I was going to say going to school. Wait, no.. okay, I got it now. When I'm not doing all of those things, I'm living. Breathing, eating, drinking, and taking vacations. Let me tell you a story from the vacation I had on New Year's Eve. So, on December 31 I went to this house in Pennsylvania. Again. Like I did during Thanksgiving. Except this house kinda sucked. It was freezing (or seemed to be) and didn't even have a game room! WAH! So, we only had cable in one place even though there was 3 TVs. In the living room, we had cable. In the children's room, we had a broken TV. Or, well, possibly broken. In the second floor, we had a TV that worked, but had no cable. So, we were stuck to watching movies. There were only 3 movies, and 2 of them were strangely the only 90's Nickelodeon movies made. The third one was Dr. Doolittle. So, the two movies were Rugrats: The Movie. And the more important one.. Harriet The Spy. Harriet the Spy is about this girl named Harriet who wants to be a spy. She records everything she sees in her notebook. She has a babysitter, named Gully (I'll call her Mrs. Cookie). She also has two best friends, this crazy psycho scientist chick and this guy named sport who's a hobo. Well, not really. He just doesn't have much money. After a friendship is established with the two friends and Mrs. Cookie (Gully), who is responsible for implanting The Walrus And The Carpenter into my head. You know, the one that goes "The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings!" Yeah, that one. Argh, I'm squeezing the lemon again. Where was I? Oh yeah, so Harriet establishes friendship and trust with the two friends and Mrs. Cookie. Mrs. Cookie's boyfriend, who Harriet hates at first because she thinks he stole fruit, convinces Mrs. Cookie to go out to see a movie. (which spawns a famous quote from Harriet, "They won't be back until a MILLION o'clock!") They do, and when Mrs. Cookie and her boyfriend return, Harriet's parents are going all OMFGWERE'SMAHDAUGHTER. Well, only the mom. Did I mention that Mrs. Cookie has been Harriet's babysitter/nanny since her birth? Well, I didn't. It's important because Harriet's mom FIRES Mrs. Cookie. Mrs. Cookie agrees, and everybody is shocked. Harriet's mom is like "Oh, wait, crap. I changed my mind." Mrs. Cookie insists on leaving, saying Harriet's too old for a babysitter. Harriet is naturally, upset. She tries to kill herself! Just kidding. Not yet. Things seem like they can't get worse, but they do. The typical antagonistic popular girl at school finds her notebook and reads it. Out loud to everyone in the park. And also paraphrases it, sadly. Suddenly, she loses her two best friends, and the "Spy Catchers" club is formed. This is a club where the kids follow Harriet around and bang pots like mental patients on cocaine. The first time it happens, the scientist girl is growling like she's a constipated bear or something, and Sport is trying to look cool even though he's not. He gives Harriet, like, a dissapointed look. Like a strong silent type look. Like, he was about to shake his head or something. Thanks to the MRKOC Club (Mentally Retarded Kids On Cocaine Club), a cop catches her. This results in a conflict between her and her parents, where they take her notebook away. They say it's a bad habit, and she should like, quit or something. So Harriet's ticked off, and she starts yelling about how they (her parents) don't quit going to parties every other night and pouring themselves big martini glasses. Their response is something like "We are your parents young lady, don't talk to us like that!". Wow, great parenting right there. Anyway, they take her notebook away. So, Harriet now has no friends, no Mrs. Cookie, no notebook, and the whole class as an enemy. She starts planning revenge on everyone. The revenge scenes are surprisingly cruel for a 11-year-old. She tells Marion (the antagonistic popular girl) that her father doesn't love her, she posts pictures of Sport dressed like a housemaid (which she took while they were friends) all over the school, and she does other things to other students. The worst part is when she cuts the ponytail off of her former best friend. Harsh. That's something you just don't do. So, to get revenge on Harriet, Marion's wannabe spills blue paint all over Harriet on purpose, but says it was an accident. Then the class attacks her with paper towels. This results in Harriet getting so angry that she slaps Marion in the face, leaving a blue handprint. FINALLY! WOOHOO! VIOLENCE! So, she runs back home and tries to kill herself. Or wash the paint off. Probably the paint. Then things get better. Mrs. Cookie comes back and tells Harriet what she needs to do to get her friends back. So, she apologizes and stuff. Then more stuff happens, and Harriet becomes writer of the newspaper. Oh, and she has her friends and Mrs. Cookie back. Horray! So, that's what I watched when I was on vacation. Man, I totally squeezed the lemon while writing this, right? Speaking of writing, I write for Kongiophobia, a Kongregate blog/fan site that is intended on showing you the dark side of Kongregate. Visit it here: http://kongiophobia.blogspot.com/ So.. what to write now? I'll try to squeeze the lemon again, but what cup should I squeeze.. oh whatever. Just what I should write in this space now. The possibilities are endless. Cue heroic music. Now, time to talk about this profile. It is really really really long. Like, the longest profile on Kongregate. Actually, this IS the longest profile on Kongregate. Points have been made that this is not, and it isn't. So what am I talking about then? I'm talking about how this is the longest LEGITIMATE profile on Kongregate. Read this profile again, and you notice it actually talks about something. Longer profiles then this have been made, but only because they SPAMMED. That's right. The longest profile on Kongregate is obviously spammed with "HIHIHIHIHI" or something. That's not a profile. You cannot spam to get the longest profile award. That is cheating. If you think otherwise, then you do not deserve to live. You know who else doesn't deserve to live? Greg. That's right, the moment has finally come! This profile is running out of space, so it's time to bring the ultimate topic. How. Much. Greg. Sucks. Now, the trouble started long long ago. In fact, when I first joined Kong, the challenge and new badges were for a game called Speck Oppression. If you went and played it right now, nothing would be wrong. However, when I played it during the challenge, the game had a bug. A big bug. An obvious bug. That's right, the game could be right-clicked. I did not know this until level 15 or so, but it was true. Greg changed it later, after the challenge was already over and the Original Herbal Remedy card was already gotten by many people. This seemed like no big deal at first, but then, about a year later, Greg released the Wooden Path challenge. This set off a chain of bad games getting badges, like Monster's Den. This went on for a long time, for a long LONG time, and I had to deal with it all. Well, not really. I left Kong at that time. When I came back, I could already see the damage. Greg was a monster, making bad badges everywhere with no intention to stop, no matter how much we begged him to. I had to put up with THAT until I finally snapped at the "Double Point Weekend". At that time, a horrible horrible game came out called Mechanical Commando. It was.. horrible. I posted a thread that got quickly locked, and I saw that Greg indeed could not be stopped. He released bad badges, rarely good badges, and badges that seemed to be good but proved to suck (like the Energy Apocalypse badges). Greg can't be stopped. I beg and beg every day for him to be fired, but it's no use. Greg will take over Kongregate one day. Heck, he's already got his name in the title, so he doesn't have to bother with a name change. Someday, Greg will doom us all.. and that will be the end of the world. But, at least I won't ever have to squeeze the lemon again, right? Wait, the profile didn't run out of space yet? Interesting. Try to guess what my final words will be! It'll probably be something about squeezing the lemon. Speaking of which, why do I squeeze the lemon so much anyway? It's kind of getting annoying for YOU, the reader, to keep hearing about how I keep squeezing the lemon, right? Someday someone will kill me for squeezing the lemon too much. Argh! I'm squeezing the lemon! Wait, I'm talking about squeezing the lemon! Wait! What? Who? Why? ARGHHHH! Okay, let's just move on. OKAY! Now, I want to talk to you about my goals for Kongregate. Here they are: my first goal is to reach 10,000 points. My second goal is to reach level 40. And.. that's pretty much it. It's kinda sad how I have so little goals, huh? Gragh! This is probably the millionth time I have squeezed the lemon! I am so tired of squeezing the lemon! Why'd I pick a lemon anyway? It could have been.. I don't know.. like... a kiwi or something. I don't even like lemons. But I keep squeezing the lemon! Anyway... I HAVE REACHED OVER 9000 POINTS!!! That's right! You're probably saying something like "What? 9000?" but I have! Oh, I am so proud! And I did it without squeezing the lemon! So anyway, yeah.. here's my goal list, so listen UP! Get over 9000 points [√] Get 10000 points [√] Get level 40 [√] Get level 42 [√] Okay, so, I totally saw cowboop's profile, and he just copied me. OMG epic failure! So gawd, I should copy his but then I would be copying my own profile. Yeah, that sucks. I'm totally going to beat Cowboop up. I bet he'll copy this too. I don't see why not, he copied the part where I talked about my name. So, I still don't want to spam just because some failure totally copied my profile and now he has a longer profile than me, so I'll just write a bunch of crap in order to make it longer like I have always done and maybe I'll make a really really big sentence that never ends that some people would call a run-on sentence because there are no periods in the appropriate place and it makes the sentence continue on and on again until people get sick of reading it or some people try to read it out loud and faint because they can't breathe because there are no commas or sentences to stop at and catch your breath and then I would be responsible for murder and the police would come to my house and they'd arrest me for manslaughter and everybody on Kong would kill the police because they think I shouldn't go to jail just for causing the death of some dumb guy that dared to read this run-on sentence out loud and then they would get in trouble and I would get in more trouble and Jim Greer would be arrested but he'd blame Greg because Greg sucks and everybody wants to blame him (but I think we already went over that in the last thousand chapters of this long about me) and then Greg would become arrested and I would be happy but still in jail and maybe if I was lucky I would meet Greg in jail and then beat him up, and then I would get in more trouble but then they would find out who Greg was and then celebrate and then get a reward because Greg is like one of those evil cowboys that got their faces on the wanted signs and then I would use the money to take over Kongregate and then make it Kong Ate Greg (because he is teh dumb and smelly) and then make the whole site revolve around me and then pay people to write this profile and another incredibly long sentence without a period anywhere which makes this thing more awesome and then people would love me and give me money and then I start World War 3 and get America to take over all countries except the country that I come from (Good thing I'm Russian but my country isn't Russia) and then I would be happy and then everybody would be sad and then I would blame it all on cowboop because cowboop is the one that started this whole thing and made me very very sad and then everyone would kill him for making me write this sentence and get someone to die and get me put in jail and get Kong to revolt and get Jim in trouble and get him to blame it on Greg and get Greg in jail with me and get me to beat up Greg and then get me to get a reward and then get me to buy Kongregate and get me to change the name to Kong Ate Greg and then get me to get tons of donations from Kong Ate Greg users and then get me to take over all countries (except my homeland) and then get everyone to be angry at me and then get me to blame it on cowboop because he started this whole cycle and then get me to recap that whole story and then get me to end my really long sentence. Wow, I should have won an award for that sentence. The longest sentence EVAR award, and the ULTIMATE LEMON SQUEEZE!!!111 award. I did squeeze the lemon a lot in that sentence, didn't I? Man, how many times did I squeeze the lemon in this long about me anyway? 25 times? How many times did I say I was squeezing the lemon? 50 times? Man, I say I squeeze the lemon too much. Gragh, I'm squeezing the lemon again! That would be 51. Each time I say that, I squeeze the lemon more. 52 times now. When will this lemon squeezing end? PETA should make a new group called PETL, which stands for People For The Ethical Treatment of Lemons. Lemons get squeezed every day! Like right now, I'm squeezing the lemon! Oh the horror! Oops, that's 53 times. Let's move on. So, I totally got a new iPod Touch. I call it "iRock" because it's true! I do rock! At first, I was afraid I wouldn't use it that much and it would be forgotten (like my Nintendo Wii) but I've used it a lot lately. The reason is because of the games, the internet radio, and most importantly, YouTube. Before, I couldn't ever watch YouTube because I had no privacy. Now I do! YAYZ! Dang, that was short. I didn't squeeze the lemon at all. Wait! Arghhhh! 54 times! Let's move on. Hey, why do I say let's move on so much? It's like, I'm trying to squeeze the lemon! Wait, I am! Cool. Oh, by the way, I can't tell if that was 55 or 56 times, so we'll move on and s- wait a minute.. OH NO! I can't stop talking about moving on! Okay, well, anyway, I'm not going to mention how many times I squeezed the lemon anymore. Instead, I'm going to tell you another story. It is called.. Super Smash Bros. Brawl! Well.. here it is: Mario dashed to his house in excitement. He had finally gotten the 50$ he had wanted. “I can’t believe it, I’m finally going to buy that iTunes gift card…” Mario thought. He was at his room before he knew it, and was gripping a wooden knob. A small panel had opened, revealing empty shelves. He carefully placed the money down in the cabinet. Mario’s mouth let out a huge yawn, and he felt the world shifting around him. He found himself on the bed, his eyes closing and then fell asleep. Mario’s older brother, Luigi, was sitting on the couch staring at the television. A sudden loud snoring blocked the noise coming from the television. Luigi started running to Mario’s room, his face getting redder by the second. His feet took him to Mario’s bed, but his eyes caught an object near him. Luigi turned to the cabinet Mario had left open. “What’s in here?” Luigi wondered. He looked inside and saw the fifty dollars. In a moment, both the money and Luigi were gone. Luigi was back on the couch, staring at the television again. He cringed as his ears received a loud scream. In a blink, he saw Mario standing in front of the television, his fists curled with anger. “You took my money!” Mario screamed. “Money? What money?” Luigi smirked. “The 50$ I just got today!” Mario yelled. “Whatever I did, it wasn’t me” Luigi murmured. “What? That doesn’t… oh, just give me back my money!” “Loser, just shut up…” “I’ll kill you for saying that!” “Calm down, crazy” “Okay, fine, just give me the money and I won’t tell Mom about this.” “Tell her what? You got 50$ from a job she didn’t even let you have?” “Okay, last chance,” Mario said with a sigh, “Give me back my money!” “Make me!” Luigi challenged. Mario’s mind took control of him. He held his fists up and started running to the couch. Luigi was surprised by him, and hurled his body to the floor. Mario’s fist connected to Luigi’s jaw though, and drove him back to the couch. Luigi’s mouth started to fill with blood. Luigi looked up at Mario. He slowly got up, feeling wounded but outraged. Suddenly, his leg reached out and hit Mario’s stomach. Mario fell, feeling like his stomach burst. He too became angry, and started to stand up. He lunged at Luigi, but Luigi moved and Mario’s body hit the floor. Luigi ran to the other side of the room and taunted Mario. Mario stood up and ran at Luigi. Suddenly, Mario’s world became a blur and his body felt like it was flying. He felt a thunk to the back of his head of a small second, and then his world switched to black. Mario’s eyes opened, his head throbbing. The world was blurry, but he saw Luigi sitting in a chair next to him. As his eyes adjusted to the world, he saw that he was in a hospital. He groaned, and Luigi’s head turned. “You’re awake?” Luigi questioned. “What happened?” Mario groaned. “You fell down and hit your head on the floor. The doctor said something about you being in a small coma, and was suffering from some blunt force trauma.” Luigi explained. Mario let out another groan and closed his eyes. He felt asleep even though he had just woken up. In his mind, Mario knew that he would never fight again, and he knew Luigi was thinking the same. “Oh, and by the way...” Luigi announced “What?” Mario murmured. “I gave you your money back.” Okay, so that was the awesome end of our story. You know what I haven't done in a while? Counted my words! At the end of this sentence, I will count my words. Okay, on my last sentence I had 8,031 words. WOW. I also had a funny amount of letters/characters. Look at it, it's 43,434. Weird, right? It's all like 4343434343 and I'm all like 3434343434 and we all laugh. Let's move on. Wait, what? Didn't I say I wouldn't say I was moving on anymore? God, I am such a mass of contradictions. Hey, this time I'm going to actually SAY I'm moving on and I won't care. Take that, moving on! Well, I'm moving on from this topic! Hah! Wait, I didn't actually move on.. okay, well, I'm moving on. So, there are two types of people out there on Kongregate. Ones that can hang with me, and ones that are scared. Oh, sorry, I mean the ones that have added three times as more friends as they have fans, and there are the ones that have less friends than fans. I like the second group. In fact, I am an extreme member of the second group. So extreme that I won't add anybody who doesn't add me first. That's right, not even.. Kongregate or.. mods or anything. They don't add me first? Screw them! I don't need their friendship! This ain't no MySpace! Hey look, I'm going to say moving on again. Moving on! Hey, okay. So.. hm.. maybe I'll kill Greg. Maybe this is the end of my prfoile. Maybe I have no more ideas left. Do I? Do I really? Well, at the request of UzumakiNaruto, I will put a tl;dr section of my profile here: ------------- Hi, I'm SevereFlame. I'm awesome, Greg sucks, and you should really read my profile above. In the profile above, I squeeze the lemon. That means I.. I can't remember what squeezing the lemon means. I think it's when I ramble on and on on a tangent. I guess that's it. Why squeezing the lemon? I don't know. Why would I come up with that? What led me to the lemon? And why squeeze it? Oh no! I'm squeezing the lemon again!

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