Soccergirl1999

“My Doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.”

“Why does Facebook even give me the option to like my own status? Of course I’ll like my own status. I’m hilarious. And sexy.”

“I hate when I’m trying to sleep and my mind’s like ‘You know what’s a great movie? Paranormal activites.’”

“My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.”