Spleen's profile

About me

Many people have questioned my past (and sanity). After much thinking, I decided to write it all down. This should help you to understand me.

I was born before we had a stable measurement of time, in the Royal Demonic Palace of my home country, Atlantis. My birth was a sad day, as the palace was soon destroyed, by me (they gave me the wrong milk!).

My first five years were spent learning the usual things, like advanced calculus, quantum physics/mechanics, future literature prediction and study, and, of course, weapon design and manufacture.

At the age of six, I was indoctrinated into the Church of Discordia, and trained as a Assassin Warlock. As my skills advanced, the High Priest of the time saw my potential, and made it so I would be ]his successor, upon his death.

I killed him as soon as I heard this, making me the new High Priest Assassin Warlock of Atlantis. The job cam with many perks, but my favorite was the ability to steal the very essence of a person, and use that as sustenance. Not that I need food, I am immortal, after all. I was ten.

I spent the next two hundred years living peacefully, normally. Sure, there were the constant death threats and murder attempts, but it was fun.

After a while, I started to get bored, so I left Atlantis to travel the world. I went to modern America first, having used a time portal to get there. When I arrived, I met my American counterpart, the High Priest Assassin Warlock of America, and we decided to have some fun.

We made a business out of exterminating zombies. As our clientele grew, we started to hunt vampires. Vamp hunting is much more fun than zombie hunting is, if only for the fact that the vamps move faster.

Now, while all of this was going on, the Goddess of Discord, Eris, was observing me. She apparently saw a promise in me (or, anti-promise as it may be) and elevated my powers to God level, but kept my title the same, to cause confusion.

That brings us up to the modern day. If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask below.