 "TheMoon")
Here’s a poem from the moon. Neil Armstrong; ’e walking on me face, And when the spaceman come, ‘e did experimentings wif a hammer and a fewah and seeing which one woulda land first. And do you know on the Moon’s surface, they land at exactly the same time. ‘e coulda done that wif anyfin: beachball, peg, magnet, little drawing of a-some chicken – it don’t make no difference. When you are the Moon, everyfin lands the same. Saturn! Jupiter! Pluto! Mars! Venus! … George! … Chrissy! I went to a dinner party for all of the planets and Uranus, he knocked up a spaghetti Bolognase. But, what ‘appened was, there wasn’t any parmesan and I said, “I’m the Moon, I’m made of cheese. Why don’t you grate off a portion of me ’ead?” And they did, and it tasted of baby sick. When you are the Moon, there is a person the people say is the Sun. I saw the Sun once. He came past me really fast. And it was an, and it was called the an eclipse. And ‘e came past but as ’e came past I licked ’is back. ’e doesn’t know I liked ‘is back, all on ’is yellow suit! … I’m the Moon. ♪’e’s so bright and milky white, Everybody look at the Moon, Eeeh, I did a song! Jupiter, I did a song! You ain’t got one. One time, I saw a man looking at me, yes uh, wif ’is eyes. And then, ’e picked up a tube and ’e look in the tube and ’e made the Moon big inside the tube. The Moon big inside a tube! Ha ha! Telescope. I like, uh, Saturn, ’e’s, ’e’s lovely. One time though, ‘e got all, uh, space dust on ’is rings. And ’e ’ad them, uh, dry-cleaned. And, uh, when they come back, they’d all shrunk down, all shrunk! And they were all tight to ’is head! He he! ’e looked like Bill Borg! ♪Shooting star, look at you, If you are a Moon then you don’t ‘ave a mirror so you ’ave to, if you want to see your face, you gotta ’ave a little look in the rivers. I ’ad a look in there, I’m alri- I’m a flippin’ beautiful! I’m all a-handsome. And a smooth, white moon. And he’s all… I haven’t got any eyebrows, but I think that gives me a bit more of an edge. When you are the Moon, the best form you can be is a full Moon. And then a half Moon… ’e’s all right. But the full Moon is the famous moon. And then three-quarters, eh, no one gives a shit about ‘im. When does ’e come? Two days into the calendar month? ’e’s useless. Full Moon. The Moon. The Main Moon. People say if you look at the Moon for too long in a telescope, that you can go mad. I fink that is quite true because, you know Patrick Moore? ’e’s been looking at me for years and years, and yesterday I saw ’im do a shit on a salad. [Imposter Moon]: And so the moral of the story is… [Original Moon]: What’s ‘appening in here? You can’t come into space pretending to be me! What’s ’appening? [Imposter Moon]: Things ‘ave changed, I’m the new Moon and I’m gonna ’clipse you, ha ha! [Original Moon]: Oh really? Well, we’ll soon see about that my friend. Jupiter! Jupiter, I need your ’elp. [Jupiter]: I am Jupiter! I will munch you up, you imposter! Om nom nom nom! [Original Moon]: Yeah! And the imposter. ‘e got munched down like a Kit-Kat. He he. I’m the Moon. The original Moon. Bye. The only problem wif be-, wif when you are the Moon like me is you ’ave such a chalky, white face, it makes your teef look yellow. And I went to the dentist, and ’e said, “Oh, your teef are all yellow!” I said, “No! Only when you compare them to my chalky, white face! If I had skin like yours, they would not look yellow.” I had feen-, fifteen fillings and ‘e said that to be five-hundred pounds. And I said, "I don’t pay for nuffin’, I’m the Moon!" And I rised out of the chair, and I went off back up, and ‘e couldn’t stop me. And every now and then I receive letter, “You still owe that money”. I say, “I might pay it, I might not.” I’m the Moon, I don’t pay fuckin’ dental fees. ♪Da da da da da-ra, do do doo do do do, Activity FeedTheMoon has not published any activity yet.Would you like to post a shout to welcome them to Kongregate? |