Zcat

I’m a woman that loves animals. I also enjoy role playing and tower defense games. I have 5 cats, yes I’m the crazy cat lady from the simpsons. I am bi-sexual preferring women to men. I love jokes and have a sick sense of humor!

I got some flatpack furniture from the new “Lesbian” range. It’s very easy to assemble. No nuts, no screwing – it’s all tongue and groove.

My doctor told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, because it’s not dangerous. He said it was distracting him.

Heather invited her mother over for dinner. During the meal, her mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful Heather’s roommate was.

She had long been suspicious of Heather’s sexuality and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two women interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Heather and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading her mom’s thoughts, Heather volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Suzy and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Suzy came to Heather and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

Heather said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure.”

So she sat down and wrote: “Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.”

Several days later, Heather received a letter from her mother which read:
“Dear Daughter, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Suzy, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Suzy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.”
“Love – Mum”

My lesbian neighbors bought me a Rolex for Christmas…

I guess they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

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