elliot282

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If your are co-dependant, ask someone press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want, stay on the line and we’ll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic, press 69696969. If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hatch (#) key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have a short term memory loss, please try your call again later. If you have low self esteem, all our operators are too busy to talk to you.