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HARD FACTS ABOUT DOMINUS MAXIMUS

Hard Fact #1 – Dominus Maximus was created in the 80’s from the sweat of Mr. T and the blood of Chuck Norris. Also, some of David Hasselhoff’s hair was used.

Hard Fact #2 – Dominus Maximus is a proven form of birth control.

Hard Fact #3 – When you’re in trouble and you call for him, Dominus Maximus will be there. Laughing.

Hard Fact #4 – Powered by aggression, caffeine, heavy metal music, and a love of sushi, Dominus Maximus was declared the #1 threat to the well-being of feeble-minded conservatives in 2009.

Hard Fact #5 – If you love Dominus Maximus, Dominus Maximus will not kill you, but he will beat you up for more quarters to fuel his jukebox addiction.

Hard Fact #6 – Despite rumors, Dominus Maximus does not believe the TV makes a good parent, and that if you have kids, you need to fucking do your job and be responsible for them. THIS MEANS YOU, as Dominus Maximus is too awesome to spawn. They would die of righteous overload the moment they were conceived, and have their cellular structures destroyed in nanoseconds.

Hard Fact #7 – PowerForgeRadio.com is Dominus Maximus’ secret volcano base of operations for conquering the world. Don’t worry, his security system of rubber duckys and killer robot clowns is impenetrable, and so you do not need to worry about the health of Dominus Maximus. Besides, he has over 1000000000 hit points.