Ahoy, my pretties! I was born and raised in Buttfuck, Nowhere and grew up to be uninteresting and largely insane. I dislike everything except stuff that I like. I’m a waste of skin and proud of it. I’m a vampire communist from outer cyberspace from Helvete. I’m not talking about those prissy fairies in movies, books and TV you see nowadays, no. I’m not even one of those distinguished charismatic guys like Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’m your typical, non-sun fearing ugly Slav vampir who became a vampire after failing to cast an immortality spell when I was still a living nekrowizard named Ththchowulg’gowkwiluleemmdhardadhn’nuchffdeccanshoedhaobhilchduyyffooatln’needhillffin’nii, known to simple men as Spasmgobble Maimface. My vampire name is now Strahimir Kurcorovič Pizdov, 3rd Duke ov Kourzambhlagg’l, Satanic Thormaster ov Doom, Destroyer ov White Knights, Annihilator ov Politikal Korrektnezz, Penetrator ov Kvnts, Khorne Herald ov Khorne The Blood God, Romantik Poet ov Nihilism, The Great Beast ov Despair, president ov the Society ov Krazy Fvkcs, twice removed, Lord ov Deadly Mortal Death, Antychryst ov Light, Reader ov Lord ov the Rings, Servant ov Quorthon (RIP in peace), Samvrai ov Alkohol, Viking ov Hemp, Warrior ov Fiery Sorrowy Megakill Annihilation Death, Execvtioner ov Executive Execution, Prince ov Ravishing Grimness, Ruler ov the Zone ov Nothingness, Guardian ov the Hands ov Fate, Dominator ov Ghastly Blackened Black Dunkelheit Darkness That Ist Blacker Than The Blackest Black Times Infinity, Stoic Watchman ov The Periphery to Eternal Torture, Sexlord ov Necroparthenophagy. Fear me!
Smoke weed everyday, 420 blaze it moddafukka