I’m a stand up comedian. Here’s a few lines:
I’m not good at contracts, I once sold my soul to virgin mobile
I think my parents hate me. They replaced all the “don’t touch” stickers on the electrical equipment with ones that say “go on, you know you want to”
Alot of this stuff is going to be quite intelectual. Do I have an intelligent audience today? “Intelligent”, would you like me to spell it? Or maybe use it in a sentence?
Do we have any anti-communists here today? Put your hand up if you are. Or, better, stand up, it’ll make it eeasier for the snipers. My parents tried to have me aborted, but no doctor will agree to that once the kid has reached 5 years old. Sorry, there kind of bad but I’ll replace them with better ones when I can remember them.
 "shortyIIII")