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I’m the son of a famous philandering Roman god and a mortal woman. My mom was harassed by the god’s wife after I was born, so, on the advice of the god, she put me in a floating basket where I was rescued by wolves. I enjoyed my puppy childhood. I still have an enjoyment of raw meat.
When I was five, I wandered across the house of a witch in the forest who turned out to be my mom. My mom was a famous wand maker and one day a six-fingered wizard requested that a special wand be made for him on account of his extra finger. When the wand was finished, he refused to pay the amount owed my mom and killed her in a spectacular duel of summoned monsters.
Since I was still a boy, he did not kill me but left a lightning bolt scar on each of my cheeks with his wand. I swore revenge on the six-fingered wizard so I spent my adolescence learning how to summon every kind of monster I could find. When I find the six-fingered wizard, I will say to him, “My name is Waffle Rofl. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.” Unfortunately, I haven’t had any luck at finding him.