I’ll shart out my heart and eat it, its like creating art with a wart at the Walmart while sitting in a shopping cart. Now lets get to the good part, I like to act smart while baking a tart, smells like fart. I’ll tear it apart to find the source of the smell, its like someone enjoyed a meal at taco bell. A salesman just came in with something to sell, I kicked him out the door, I think he fell. Is he hurt? Let’s check. Oh thank god I didn’t break his neck. I’ll let him sit down on the front deck, because the inside of my house is a wreck, probably because I’ve been sitting around watching star trek and Glenn Beck. Aw heck, that’s a lie, I made hot chocolate that I licked it off my thigh, I also ordered lots of pizza and pie, that might be why, my house is a pig sty. As I tell the salesman this story, he begins to cry. I ask if hes crying, he says “No, no, its just a fly that got caught in my eye”. The mailman passes by, I say “hey” he says “hi”…..“sigh” says the salesman, obviously in need of attention and sympathy. He looks up at me, his eyes get wide, afraid of some ghost he seems to see. He says “Its you! You jumped my wife!” I answer with “So what? You humped my penknife.” “You ruined my life!” He cries. “You killed all the wildlife!” I respond. As he starts laughing maniacally, I go inside and shut the door. All this yelling is making my head sore, I almost consider hitting that poor salesman upside the head with an oar. He thinks he’s so hardcore. He starts banging on the door shaking the floor, wow, hes impossible to ignore. “Let me in, I implore!” he yells. This is worse than when I had a medical store, selling pills to help you snore. Man, this pounding is rattling the decor. Again he screams “I’ll give you chocolate and money galore, just stop being such a whore!”. I gasp “you swore!”. I wish this man would burn up in the earth’s core. What did he have to insult me for? He’ll make it turn into a full-blown war! Well whatever, I’ll just pet a three-legged cat. The salesman offered to turn the cat into a hat, he said his name is Pat. Now that I think of it, Pat is quite fat, with a face like a rat.
“He is quite ugly” I thought, as I sat. I think I’ll practice acrobatics on my yoga mat, It’ll help me relax and be chill just like Dax. I wish I could fax with my candle wax but that’s just a silly daydream. Like a cat with a lazerbeam, a hat that’s ripped at the seam, a lizard with no bloodstream, a full day of free ice cream or a figurine with self esteem, now that’s just too extreme. Because I’m just too cool, that’s a rule. Understand, fool? I don’t care if you fall into a pool and call me cruel. ‘Cause I’m as cool as a ghoul wearing a jewel or a Neanderthal with a tool. Now as we near the end of rhyme-time, which I’m sure left you feeling divine like a Tibetan mime. You must pay the exit fee of a dime and a lime covered in slime. If you have any pants on, give them to Optimus Prime.