Blacklist02

internet monthly- $30 Computer – $500 finding out the woman of your dream you met online is a man – priceless.

Ranting about a girl im in love with…dont mind me

the sun shines so bright when you where here. all bright and warm just like your smile. then i said something wrong and you left. left my world dark. darker than the deepest abyss. darker than the bottom of the ocean. you fixed my heart and i pushed you away. i hope to die in my sleep so i dont cause you any pain. if i could go back..if i could rewrite the past. i would never have said hi. never have taken that first step. if i knew this is how we would end. i want my broken heart back. before you came along and fixed it. before you mended my soul. i liked being alone. darkness was my friend. my inner deamons, my allies, now you took it all away. yo brought me to the lght. and how did i thank you. by being a stubborn basatrd, i dont deserve to walk the same earth as you. i dont deserve to breatht he same air as you. i ask one thing…i ask for death.

you fixed my heart. then i started to hear more. not one any moe but 2 mine and yours. my shadow removed by you love. my demononic plaugue cured by your smile. you entered my soul and painted it white. the darkness i contained was let out. but it no longer matters. what is my purpose? why did you chose me? why did my sould chose you? what do i do know that youve gone. do i re enter my soul and pain everything black. to i take a hammer to the heart you fixed. ha yes? ive tried, multiple times. the scars i carry on my wrist serve as my passport to hell. to where my demons live. to wheremy friends reside. i ran from them. i befriended them. then you sent them away. but now your gone and im here alone. i guess thats how it always was. me alone in a world made for you. whats y purpose…nothing. i dont fit into your world do I. you so perfect and beautiful. all i everthink about. but who am i to you. nothing but a litte speck. a little smudge on your clear window of life. and i admire you but im nothing to you. please wipe me away. let me be alone. dont worry about me dying alone isnt what im afraid of. entering the gates of hell doesnt scare me. your smile does. because without it i have no strenght. nut with me you have no smile. so wipe me away and let me face my demons on my own. if your smileing i can die in peace. i can withstand the pain. i can withstand the evil. if my pain will make you smile then i will take it. i will take it all. only for you….

im gunna go with im unlovable and all she ever will be is an friend who fixed my heart. i think i’ll see her through till she gets married. then i’ll leave. dissapear from her life. find a small town. drive till i wreck. never wake up again.