My dear fellow, you have stumbled upon the profile of an esteemed and graceful gentleman.

I am very sure you wish to know all about yours truly, but first. The pleasantaries.
You are looking ravishing today!
Okay, that’s quite enough of the pleasantaries. I am a sir, I do things quite like a sir and wish to be addressed as such. If one does not address me as “sir”, one’s bumhole will be invaded by a large cactus.
Isn’t that a bit harsh?
Not at all my dear fellow, it is merely a punishment fit for those below my evident superiority.
Well, how old are you?
My age is a number divisible only by two and seven plus the sum of one and one.
Lolwhat
Refrain from using abbreviations that damage the beautiful English Language.
We break from this gripping conversation to remind Americans to **** off.
Are you a black man?
Good heavans no!
Okay. What do you like doing in your spare time?
My possibly permanant hobbies include music crafted before the 1990s with the exception of Dave Matthews Band, Clutch, The Who and Rush’s later albums and of course Arctic Monkeys. I also love to watch two or three episodes of the television cartoon My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, and I like to shove my cane up the bahooter of anybody who dislikes said show.
I’m going now…creep
Not before I call my robot monkey guards!
WOW WAIT WHAT THE HELL
Goodbye, my friend. I shall see you in whatever afterlife we both end up in, if any.