The_Evangelist

Part of the national sarcasm society. E pluribus smart assimus. Like we need your support. I take quotes from literature, books, movies, songs and other forms of media. If you don’t get the reference please keep your ignorance to yourself. I’m not going to tolerate it. Neither are my intelligent friends. I’m overall a nice person…until you piss me off…

Cats are cool because you don’t have to buy them. You see them on the street, take them home — they’re yours. You’ve never seen a cat being bought out of a pet store. They just sit in the pet store. They’re under there like, ‘Meow,’ and you be looking at them like, ‘Oh they’re so cute. Let’s go find one like that

You are a loser, I am a goddess. Any questions? No. Okay. Good
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Most of you have an inferiority complex, and it is fully justified.
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Wanna argue? I’m sorry, you must’ve mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
Complain about everything? Let me tell you, life is a game, and you suck at it.
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I pledge allegiance to the mask, that I’ll carry whiskey in my flask, and that anyone that disses HU, I’ll leave a bloody mess with you. For we are a family, you and I, 3 tears for you, we shall all cry. All day and night, our flags will fly, Undead Army until the day we die.
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archdukegargoyle:

There’s a book at the college library called “Sweet Tea : Gay black men in the south”

AGatorsAid:

WHAT THE ****?

AGatorsAid:

QUEERS CANT DRINK SOMETHING SO GODLY.

archdukegargoyle:

Scott had a gay black southern man in his mouth is the point I’m trying to make

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
7 is registered six offender.
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I called my gay friend a pain in the ass, he was pretty butthurt. I know gay jokes aren’t funny…butt fuck it. I would tell him a joke about vagina, but he wouldn’t get it. He thinks my jokes suck anyways…
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I’m trying to give up sexual innuendos, but its hard.
So, so hard.
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archdukegargoyle: Sticks my tongue out, dragging it across wut’s face, leaning in to whisper You taste of babies.
ClaireBearx3D: NOM NOM NOM BABIES
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dariel25: Excuse me i have a question… WHATS PENNIS
ClaireBearx3D: A pennis is an instrument… Kind of like the skin flute
dariel25: and what can u do with it ???
ClaireBearx3D: You can put it in your mouth. Guys c’mon that was funny. You should learn to go play it..
dariel25: i know right, i know what is a dick
tails2tails: OH, i have one of those!
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Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Boron Thallium Carbon Meitnerium Germanium Tellurium Molybdenum Neon Yttrium
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Fluorine Uranium Carbon Potassium Yttrium Oxygen Uranium
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mystical_death: Claire. You win. Kill me.

ClaireBearx3D: I won’t kill you. I will shoot you and then scoop your innards out though your anus with a soup ladle. Then dissect you with a rusty butter knife. Then pour gasoline on you and throw your body into a vacuum with no oxygen. So that you will never light on fire.
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ClaireBearx3D:
What if there was a room that was all bed. Roll over? No worries, more bed. Walls and ceiling were all bed. And maybe they give you a jacket that gives you free hugs.

Yeah. I’m talking about an Asylum.
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ClaireBearx3D: Scooping out someone innards with a spoon and dissecting them before pouring gas and lighting the persons dicarded body and innards on fire. Good idea? Y/N?
crzybggr: depends
crzybggr: was the person Hitler?
ClaireBearx3D: No
crzybggr: prooooobbbably not
ClaireBearx3D: I know
ClaireBearx3D: I’m sane I promise
crzybggr: that
crzybggr: is a very reassuring statement
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Members of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party for Grammatical Correctness: Tails_Kresnya archdukegargoyle ClaireBearx3D luna8neko The_Lone_Pisces mvm900 josephthekilla brandaleen13 grrigiveup
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ClaireBearx3D: We’re copses, that act like bitches.
ClaireBearx3D: Cause zombies are usually dicks.
SaudArefalhassan: So… your a corpse that acts like a bitch. And a dick?
ClaireBearx3D: *You’re
Roku1234: XD

Roku1234: Lol. I should make Claire the Fuhrer of the Grammar Nazis. XD
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No Sociopath thinks the same. None of them do. They all live inside their heads and inside the minds of others. They reticulate a garden; roots of hatred, roots of love, tendrils of insanity. They plant seeds in your mind, ideas which manipulate you like a tortured artist, they make you blank again,you lose all inspiration and you get to know possibly the coldest people on earth. Crafting cynicism with words. Painting sadness into hearts with quick, short, powerful strokes. And instilling false hope with lies, deception, and skill.
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Thr33Dawg: It’s like when I couldn’t hear Drake scream (reply)
Thr33Dawg: That sounded wrong (reply)
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RckMtlClbAdmnJJ: Bombastits?
ClaireBearx3D: You could say they are bombshells.
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I think relationships in general are over romanticized like at the end of the day I’m pretty sure a good relationship is just two people who know how to hang out and talk to each other not whether or not they can right all your wrongs or paint a picture of a thousand suns with the breath from your lungs or some shit
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I don’t like talking to you. And I don’t like talking to anybody.
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“People aren’t books, I’ve learned.
You can’t bookmark your favorite pieces
to return to whenever you’re feeling lonely;
when the nights get too cold and you
need something familiar to keep you warm,
you can’t reopen their spines and wear
out their pages and call that obsession love.”
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Isn’t it comforting to know when you have the power to ruin someone’s life at any given moment?
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My life is one part “wait” and another part “what”
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I guess I’m a little weird. I like to talk to trees and animals. That’s okay though; I have more fun than most people.
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I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks, and the way you feel. Life is art.
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Small question: How do I get over someone I never dated?
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I just want someone to be cute together and cuddle and shit but at same time I don’t want a boyfriend I don’t know why life needs to be so difficult
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Like a magpie, I am a scavenger of shiny things: fairy tales, dead languages, weird folk beliefs, fascinating religions, and more.

You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.
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MY OPINION ON THINGS CHANGE FREQUENTLY AS I LEARN MORE STUFF ABOUT THE THING PLEASE DO NOT HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE FOR SOMETHING I SAID THREE YEARS AGO

making up your own fictional universe

creating an entire history for it

creating characters who have complex back stories

RESEARCHING NAMES WITH MEANINGS THAT CORRESPOND TO THE HISTORY AND UNIVERSE AND BACK STORIES YOU’VE COME UP WITH

then never writing or doing anything with it at all ever
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How frequent is too frequent to have the thought “you would immediately die in the post-apocalypse” about a person?

The best candy shop a child can be left alone in, is the library.
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Story about a dude that rejected by a hot girl and the movie shows him trying to win her over and at the end it turns out the hot girl is a lesbian and she had a crush on this chubby girl the dude totally rudely rejected earlier and the two super cute girls smooch and the dude cries and no one gives a shit. Good story?
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I want dragons to be a symbol of femininity. They are now. I just decided
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I will actually never get over how fucking dumb Romeo and Juliet are
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Reasons to date me.
I can do some stuff pretty well.
I’m capable of being a little kinder to you than I am to myself.
Um. I’m a human?
Thats it.
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Being romantically frustrated is 1000000x worse than being sexually frustrated because you can get yourself off but you can’t spoon with yourself and kiss your own forehead.
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I’ve met some pricks in my time but you are the fucking cactus
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My death is going to be caused by being sarcastic at the wrong time and my sense of humor. My sense of humor is things that should not be joked about, things I find funny, and all of that is why I’m going to die.
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daelax: I was in the presence of such a beautiful Mistress

I NOW HAVE A NEW BITCH. READ IT AND WEEP______________________________________ Also: Alt of ClaireBearx3D. BONUS: Figure out the anagram of my name and you get eternal love.