ZG13

I start every single morning with a breakfast of Chuck Norris. I eat nails and shit Gold bricks. Then I go to my computer and delete every single piece of fanmail I have recieved within the night without even bothering to read them. The amount of daily fanmail is measured in googolplexes. That is because I am a high-profile rock star and people would kill to be allowed the grace of being my bitch. About 90% of the European population have my name tattooed somewhere on their skin.

I currently work as the general manager of a multi-national investment firm that deals mainly with funding research for neutron and fusion bombs et cetera. I have my own private jet and I use 100 dollar bills as my toilet paper. Once I smoked a blunt wrapped in the original copy of Shakespeare’s MacBeth.

In my spare time I am the justice given form. I put on a skin-tight moth costume and become Mothman, the dark crusader. I don’t have many superpowers, but I have the Mothmobile – modified Talbot Horizon from the year 1984, a classic – and a young male sidekick who likes to dress in pantyhose and call me “sweetheart”. My archnemesis is called “The Poker” and his evil plots mostly center around cheating in online card games.

I have many talents. I possess a superior analytic intelligence and my knowledge about everything and all is beyond anything ever known to mankind before me. Compared to me, Machiavelli was a minor player, merely a pawn. He was dynamite but I am a tactical nuke. In fact I know the meaning of life.

I can also write great poetry. Wanna see?

“Peach, you fucking rule,
Peach, you fucking rock.
Peach get down on me
’n polish my knob.”

My father is Thor, the God of Thunder, and my mother is the Hive Queen from Aliens. That mentioned you might already know why I don’t dig bullshit applications.

Because you want to know more about me you can read my biography. It’s called “Beowulf”.