chucknorris5454

* The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'. * Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists. * The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris” This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish. * Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV. * Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face. * Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile. * Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on. * When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul. * Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. * Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting. * If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you. * Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts. * Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states. * A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay. * Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo. * They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody. * Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower. * "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot. * Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter. * After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?" * Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares. * When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help. * There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. * Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris. * The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. * Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. * Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond. * Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked. * The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher. * Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel. * Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf. * Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich. * For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels. * The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close. * Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota. * Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is. * TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion. * After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history. * Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards. * "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song. * Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. * Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires. * When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes. * Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims. * In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard. * They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them. * There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives. * One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist. * Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer. * Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face. * Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does. * The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter. * Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone. * The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris. * Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean. * Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver. * MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart. * Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match. * Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow. * The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking. * It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face. * Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy. * Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time. * Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood. * When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult. * Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard. * 182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year. * Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. * All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face. * If you're driving down the road and you think Chuck Norris just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around. * July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not. * Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. * In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease" * Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost. * If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch. * In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris. * The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist. * When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy. * Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan. * Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. * Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face. * As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge. * Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told. * Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie". * There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris. * President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time. * Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing. * Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning. * Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car. * Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol. * Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine. * The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence. * Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out. * A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time. * Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun. * Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets. * Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil. * Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on. * When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary. * Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die. * Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag. * There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first. * A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. * Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe. * In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time. * Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. * Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets. * For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest. * In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character. * We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel. * If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas. * In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people. * Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. * Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic. * Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds. * The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long. * Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards. * Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten. * Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill. * The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy! * For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls. * Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman. * Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq. * Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked. * Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close. * Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound. * How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. * The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case. * When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. * If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood. * Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off. * Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it. * Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy. * The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris. * Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement". * The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar. * Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. * Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers. * He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick. * The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch. * The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off. * Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career. * Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face. * Chuck Norris can taste lies. * Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. * One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio. * Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier. * In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere. * Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky. * They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him. * Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house. * Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head. * 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths. * Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes. * The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing. * Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors. * With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit. * The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death. * chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy. * To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight? * There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear. * If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this? * 70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick. * Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face. * The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano. * Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper. # Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. # Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down. # Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. # The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. # Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. # Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous. # If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. # Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. # When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever. # The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. # Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear. # CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time. # Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. # There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. # Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. # What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. # Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. # Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. # Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. # Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. # A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. # Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. # Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre. # If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever. # Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." # Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face. # The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. # Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" # Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. # Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. # Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. # Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. # Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. # Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. # Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises. # Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. # In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer. # Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?" # Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. # Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. # Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths. # The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. # In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. # According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks. # Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. # When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. # There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on. # Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. # Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. # Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. * Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. * If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris. * If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass. * Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris." * Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run. * MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it. * Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris. * What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”. * Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. * The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings. * There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. * Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful. * The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice. * Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. * The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends" * Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic. * Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple. * When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it. * On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. * Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. * Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you. * Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. * Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. * It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. * Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise. * It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor. * Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy. * That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid. * Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover. * Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken. * Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls. * Q: How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. * As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." * Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure. * Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. * Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol. * Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move. * It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. * Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. * Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks. * Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef. * When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. * Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. * "Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard. * Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body. * Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. * Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. * Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down. * Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. * When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever. * Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. * Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys. * Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. * Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough. * Chuck Norris uses Tabasco Sauce for eye drops. * Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. * "One time I was with Norris in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Norris goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Chuck Norris! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'ChuckNorris' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'" * People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident. * Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks people in the face first and asks questions later. * When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. * Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed. * Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. * Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes. * Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face. * Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus. * People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris * Chuck Norris wears Orion's Belt around his pinky toe and he eats with the Big Dipper. * Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder. * Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it. * Chuck Norris was once a knight in King Arthur's court. He was known as Sir Beatdown. * Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. He went undefeated. * In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming. * Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby. * Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris * Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet. * Before sliced bread, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since Chuck Norris". But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices. * Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete. * The wind of Chuck Norris’s round house kick can be felt from 1600 million miles away * Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time. * There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. * Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox. * There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris. * Earth's emergency defence plan in case of alien invasion is Chuck Norris. * Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down * Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands. * On the SAT if you put Chuck Norris for every answer you will score over 8000 * The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris * When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame * Chuck Norris doesnt use after shave, he uses liquid hot magma. * When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one * You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you’re Chuck Norris * No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish. * Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get '' * On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day. * Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas". * Chuck Norris let the dogs out. * Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth". * Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow. * Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about! * Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own. * Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit. * Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius. * The world's fastest car has 7 gears. 5, 6, and Chuck Norris. * The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat. * The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: Chuck Norris' left and right hands, his left and right feet, his belly button, his liver, and his beard. * When Chuck Norris goes to Vegas, he doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give him stacks of money. * In an emergency, Chuck Norris can be used as a floatation device. * When Chuck Norris is ready to wake up, he tells the sun to get the above the horizon. * The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat. * Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents. * Chuck Norris can hold his breathe for nine years. * When somebody yells "Last one in is a rotten egg," Chuck Norris is never the rotten egg. * Chuck Norris invented the question mark. * Chuck Norris trick-or-treated as himself as a child. * Chuck Norris has 3 knees on each leg. * Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face. * Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. * If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare * Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter. * Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China. * The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second. * Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident. * Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire. * Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds. * Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!! * Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead. * When Chuck Norris sneeze, he don't say "Atchoo" he says "DIE EVERYONE!!!". That's what happens next. * Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning. * Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb. # When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. # Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. # Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes. # There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. # When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. # Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. # A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. # When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. # Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) # Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. # How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. # Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. # In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized. # Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. # If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. # Chuck Norris can divide by zero. # The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. # A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words. # Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. # Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. # When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. # While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. # Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. # When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies. # When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. # Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. # Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. # For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. # Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. # When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. # Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. # When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. # Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. # On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. # Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. # Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! # In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. # Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. # Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. # Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" # Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. # Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. # If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. # Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds. # Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb. # Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. # The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage. # It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. # You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. # Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way. # The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. # There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. # Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. # When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them. # Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink. # James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. # Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. # Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair. # Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. # It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage. * Butterflies taste with their feet. * In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear * weapons combined. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. * On average people fear spiders more than they ! do death. * Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants. * Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are * already married. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. * Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. * It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. * Women blink nearly twice as much as men. * The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because * when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. A snail can sleep for three years. * No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH". * Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. * Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never * stop growing. The electric chair was invented by a dentist. * All polar bears are left handed.. * An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. * TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on * one row of the keyboard. "Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. * A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. * Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. * And, in case you're wondering, a duck's quack DOES echo... aba garment of camel or goat hair; camel or goat-hair fabric abacinate to blind by putting red-hot copper basin near the eyes abactor cattle thief abaculus small tile for mosaic abaft toward or at the stern of a ship; further aft abampere unit equivalent to 10 amperes abapical at the lowest point abarticular not connected with the joint abasement action of humbling or degrading abasia inability to walk due to lack of muscular coordination abask in genial warmth abatis rampart of felled trees and branches abatjour skylight or device to direct light into a room abattoir public slaughterhouse abature trail through wood beaten down by a stag abb yarn used for warp abba Syriac or Coptic bishop abbatial of, like or pertaining to abbots or an abbey abbozzo preliminary sketch abditive remote; secret; hidden abdominous having a paunch or big belly abducent turning away; bearing away from abeam in a line at right angles to the length of a vessel, on the beam abear to bear; to comport; to behave abecedarian of, like or pertaining to the order of the alphabet; rudimentary abecedism word created from the initials of words in a phrase abele white poplar tree aberdevine alternate name for the siskin aberuncators long tool for pruning tall branches abessive indicating absence or lack abiectic of, like or pertaining to fir trees or fir sap abigail a lady's maid abigeus cattle rustler abiogenesis spontaneous generation of living matter abiotrophy degeneration; loss of physical vitality or ability abirritate to alleviate irritation; to reduce sensitivity abiturient pupil leaving school for university abject humble; miserable; craven ablactation weaning of a child from its mother's milk ablative indicating direction from or time when ablator thermal protection on outside of spacecraft ablaut variation in root vowel of words to change meaning ablegate papal envoy or legate ablepsia blindness ablow in a blowing state abluent cleanser or cleansing product ablutomania mania for washing oneself abnegate to renounce or repudiate abodement an omen; a foretelling aboideau tide gate abolla Roman military cloak abomasum ruminant's fourth stomach aboral away from the mouth abord to accost; to approach aborning during birth; while being born aborticide killing of a fetus; abortion abortuary anti-abortion term for an abortion clinic aboulia loss of ability to make decisions aboulomania pathological indecisiveness aboutsledge largest blacksmith's hammer abra narrow mountain pass abradant a substance that abrades abraid to awaken or rouse abraxas gem engraved with mystical word and bearing human-animal figure abreuvoir joint or gap between two stones in masonry abroach in a condition to allow liquor to run out abrosia fasting abscind to pare, reduce, cut off or away abscissa horizontal distance from a fixed line to a point abscission cutting off; cutting away absconce lantern used in monasteries and night offices abseil to descend a rock face using a double rope absentaneous done in absence; pertaining to absence absinthial of, like or pertaining to wormwood; bitter absinthism disease resembling alcoholism absit leave to pass one night away from college absolutism doctrine of government by a single absolute ruler; autocracy absolutive indicating subject or object of intransitive verb absolutory forgiving or absolving absonant discordant; abhorrent absorbefacient causing or promoting absorption absorptiometer instrument for measuring solubility of gases in liquids absquatulate to decamp; to leave quickly; to flee absterge wipe clean; expunge; purge; purify absurdism doctrine that we live in an irrational universe abterminal going from the end inwards abthane monastic region of the old Irish church abulia lack of ability to make decisions; aboulia abuna Ethiopian patriarch abusion misuse; outrage; deception abutment masonry on a wall that supports an arch abvolt unit of electrical potential equal to one hundred millionth of a volt aby to make amends; atone; pay a penalty abyssopelagic of, like or pertaining to the depths of the ocean academicism doctrine that nothing can be known acanaceous bearing prickles or thistles; prickly acantha prickle acanthous spiny; prickly acapnia lack or deficiency of carbon dioxide acapnotic non-smoker; non-smoking acariasis irritating itching insect infestation acaricide killer of mites and ticks acarine of, like or pertaining to ticks or mites acarology study of mites acarophobia fear of itching or of insects causing itching acarpous sterile; not bearing fruit acatalectic having complete or full number of syllables in a poetic line acatalepsy the unknowableness of all things to a certainty acatamathesia inability to understand data presented to the senses acates provisions that have been purchased acatour provisioner; quartermaster acaudate tailless acaulescent having a very short stem accelerometer instrument for measuring acceleration or vibrations accend to kindle accensor acolyte accentor songbird acceptilation remission of debt or liability through fictitious repayment accessit prize for students in second place; honourable mention acciaccatura very short note played before a longer one accidence grammar book; science of inflections in grammar accidentalism theory that events do not have causes accidie sloth; physical torpor accinge to gird accipiter bandage worn around the nose accipitral like a bird of prey; rapacious accipitrine of, like or pertaining to falcons and hawks accismus in rhetoric, pretending to refuse something accite to cite; to summon acclinate sloping upwards acclivity upward slope accloy to hobble with a horseshoe nail accolade curved architectural moulding; vertical line joining two musical staves accolent neighbouring accosted in heraldry, two figures placed side by side accoucheur male midwife accoucheuse female midwife accourage to encourage accourt to entertain accoy to subdue; to pacify; to soothe accrementition increase or growth by adding similar material accretion accumulation; addition of parts to form a whole accubation reclining as on a couch accubitum crescent-shaped couch accusative indicating direct object of a verb acedia listlessness; sloth aceldama site or scene of violence or bloodshed aceology therapeutics acequia irrigation ditch acerate of, like or resembling a needle acerbate to embitter; to irritate acerous lacking horns or antennae acersecomic one whose hair has never been cut acervate heaped; clustered acervuline like or in small mounds or heaps acescence becoming sour; souring; turning of milk acetabulum small anatomical cup or hollow, such as a sucker acetarious referring to plants that are used in salads acetimeter instrument for measuring strength of vinegar achaenocarp any dry indehiscent fruit acharné furious or desperate (of a battle) achene small one-seeded fruit or naked seed of plant achloropsia colour-blindness with respect to green achor eruption or scab on the head achromatopsia colour-blindness achroous colourless acicular needle-shaped acidaemia undue acidity of blood acidimeter instrument for measuring concentration of acids acidulous sharp or bitter-tasting acierate to turn into steel acinaceous full of kernels acinaciform scimitar-shaped aciniform shaped like a berry acinus berry which grows in clusters acipenser sturgeon aclinic having no inclination or magnetic dip acock defiantly acoemeti ancient monastic order who maintained eternal choir service acology study of medical remedies acolous limbless acolouthic of, like or pertaining to an after-image or other after-sensation acopic curing or relieving fatigue acoria pathologically great appetite acosmism disbelief in existence of eternal universe distinct from God acouasm ringing noise in head acquest object which is acquired acracy government by none; anarchy acratia impotence acre-breadth old unit of length of 22 yards acritochromacy colour-blindness acroamatic esoteric acrocephalous having a pointed or peaked skull acrography the art of making wood blocks in relief acrolith wooden statue with stone extremities acrologic of, like or pertaining to initials acromegaly glandular disorder causing gigantism of extremities acronical occurring at nightfall or sunset acronym word formed from initial letters of another word acronyx ingrown nail acropathy disease or illness of the extremities acrophobia fear of heights acrophonic using a symbol for the initial sound of a thing acropodium pedestal upon which a statue rests acroscopic looking or moving towards the apex acroteleutic phrase or words at the end of a psalm acroterion pedestal or ornament at the angle of a pediment acrotism absence of pulsing actinism action of solar radiation causing chemical change actinograph instrument used to calculate time of photographic exposure actinometer instrument for measuring incident radiation actinotherapy use of ultraviolet rays as medical therapy actuate communicate motion to; cause aculeate prickly; pointed; stinging; a stinging insect aculeiform shaped like a thorn acultomancy divination using needles acuminate tapered; pointed; to sharpen acutiator sharpener of weapons acutorsion twisting artery with needle to stop bleeding acyanopsia colour-blindness with respect to blue acyesis female sterility acyrology incorrect diction or pronunciation adactylous lacking fingers or claws adamantine unbreakable; impenetrable adamitism nakedness for religious reasons adaxial next to or towards the axis addax large African antelope additament thing added or appended; heraldic ornament addititious of, pertaining to or resulting from addition addle putrid; barren; muddled addorsed turned back to back in heraldry adduce cite as proof or instance adeciduate evergreen; coniferous adeem to cancel a bequest by destruction of the object adelaster provisional name for a plant whose flowers are unknown adelphogamy sharing of a wife by two or more brothers ademption revocation of donation by donor adenalgia painful swelling of a gland adenia glandular swelling adeniform shaped like a gland adenography descriptive work on the glandular system adenoid of, like or pertaining to or like a gland adenology study of glands adenotomy removal or excision of gland adespota anonymous works adessive indicating place where or proximity to adevism denial of gods of mythology and legend adharma unrighteousness adhibit to attach; to admit; to administer adhocracy government in an unstructured fashion; an unstructured organization adiabatic without transference of heat adiaphoresis absence of perspiration; inability to perspire adiaphorism doctrine of theological indifference or latitudinarianism adiaphoron tenet or belief on which a theological system is indifferent adiapneustia defective perspiration adiathermancy impermeability to radiant energy adipescent becoming fat or fatty adipic of, like or pertaining to fatty substances adipocere fatty substance occurring in corpses left in moist areas adipsia absence or lack of thirst adit opening or passage into a mine adjudge to decide; to award adjutage nozzle adjutor helper; assistant adjuvant substance added to make vaccine more effective admanuensis one who takes an oath on a religious book admaxillary connected to or near the jaw admeasurement the act of measuring or apportioning adminicle that which supports or aids, especially evidence adnascent growing on some other thing adnominal indicating adjective used as a noun adnomination punning adnoun adjective serving or used as a noun adonise to adorn oneself adoptionism belief that Christ was the adopted and not natural son of God adoral near the mouth adosculation impregnation by contact alone or by wind adoxography good writing on a trivial subject adoxy beliefs that are neither orthodox nor heterodox adpress to press together adrogation adoption of a boy or girl before adolescence adscititious added; additional adscript attached or feudally bound to the soil or earth adsorb to attract and stick to the surface adumbrate indicate faintly; foreshadow adunc hooked aduncate shaped like a hook or crook adust burnt; scorched advection horizontal movement of air advehent bringing inwards advenient due to outside causes adventitious accidental; casual adventive a thing or person coming from outside adversaria miscellaneous notes; commonplace books adversative word or phrase expressing opposition adv