digendog

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take
> a
>>holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of
> his
>>life, that is, until the ship sank.
>>
>>He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing,
>>only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the
> beach
>>one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the
> shore.
>>
>>In disbelief, he asks, ‘Where did you come from? How did you get here?’
> She
>>replies, ‘I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when >>my
>
>>cruise ship sank.’
>>
>>’Amazing,’ he notes. ‘You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
> with
>>you.’ ‘Oh, this thing?’ explains the woman. ‘I made the boat out of raw
>>material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree
> branches. I
>>wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a
>>Eucalyptus tree.’
>>
>>’But, where did you get the tools?’
>>
>>’Oh, that was no problem,’ replied the woman. ‘On the south side of the
>>island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
> fired it
>>to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used
>>that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.’
>>
>>The guy is stunned.
>>
>>’Let’s row over to my place,’ she says. After a few minutes of rowing, >>she
>
>>docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly
> falls
>>off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow
>>painted in blue and white.
>>
>>While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the
>>man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she
> says
>>casually, ’It’s not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you
> like a
>>drink?’
>>
>>’No! No thank you,’ he blurts out, still dazed, ‘I can’t take another >>drop
>
>>of coconut juice.’ ’It’s not coconut juice,’ winks the woman. ‘I have a
>>still. How would you like a Pina Colada?’
>>
>>Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit >>down
>
>>on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman
>>announces, ’I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
> like to
>>take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom
> cabinet.’
>>
>>No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in
>>the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed
> to a
>>hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
>>
>>’This woman is amazing,’ he muses. ‘What next?’
>>
>>When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically
>>positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit
> down
>>next to her.
>>
>>’Tell me,’ she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, ’We’ve been
>>out here for many months. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure
> you
>>really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for?’ She
>>stares into his eyes ….
>>
>>He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes…..

• >>’F*****g hell, don’t tell me you’ve got Sky Sports as well?