peppamint1

[WP] Damn it. That’s the 3rd time this week someone broke in to slay you. Kids never learn.

“The first night it happened, I was in bed sleeping when I woke up to the sound of high heels clacking on my kitchen floor. I was confused by the idea of a robber wearing high heels but I don’t know people are weird. So i got out of bed with my bat. What I witnessed in the middle of my kitchen was something I would have never expected. “YAAAAS QUEEEEN I SLAY I SLAAAAY I SLAAAAY ALL DAAAY.” It was fuCKING PEPPA being a weird ass bitch. I swung my bad at the stupid bimbo but she ducked and sprayed my eyes with hair spray. Shit burned so bad and before I knew it, Peppa was gone. I was annoyed but didn’t think much of it and went back to sleep. However, the next night she returned with more shenanigans. This time, I woke up to the sound of Peppa’s long tacky acrylic nails tapping on my kitchen counter. Knowing what to expect, I put on some goggles to protect my eyes, grabbed my bat, and tip toed to the kitchen. I poked my head into the kitchen a bit to see what she was up to. There Peppa was, eating an entire bag of shredded colby jack cheese. A lot of the cheese was getting stuck in her nails and she SUCKED the cheese out like the disgusting pig she is. I shook my head and started charging at her with my bat while she wasn’t looking. All of a sudden, her head turns 90 degrees like the fucking exorcist and she grabs me by the neck. I struggle to breathe as her sharp nails dig into my skin. She looks at me with confusion and says, “Oh! You’re not Steven! Teehee sorry!” and lets me go. I fall to the floor, gasping for air. Peppa laughs diabolically and says, “Oxygen is for nerds you stupid loser!” She then reapplies her baby pink lipstick, powders her face, and z snaps. Peppa once again slayed me. The third night of Peppa’s visit, I didn’t even sleep. I was in my kitchen, sipping coffee and fully geared up for that ugly slut. The smell of cheap perfume hit me; Peppa was near. I tightly held onto my bat, looking everywhere for her. Her obnoxious laughed echoed through my home. “Where is that chubby insecure bitch?!” Out of nowhere, I feel her behind me. I tried to turn around to face her, but Peppa was too fast. She jumps into the air above me and starts falling down, ass first. Peppa’s big, fat, cellulite ridden booty slams onto my crotch. Her face goes OwO and she says, “wats dis?!”

Fin.