warlored

A Warloreds Best Weapon Can of Whoopass™
A simple metal can labeled “Whoopass™” in red letters. There are four different kinds of Whoopass™; ‘Regular’; ‘Super’; ‘Pwnage’; and ‘Junior’, for a weaker ass-whoopin’. For the ‘Junior’ kind, Sailor Moon jumps out, and does all her little girly stuff. WARNING : for people under 10 years of age ONLY. Otherwise, your plan will backfire, and you’ll get pwned. For the ‘Regular’ kind, Stevie Wonder comes out and shoots you with his eye beams, along with other stuff if he feels like it. For the ‘Super’ kind, Chuck Norris comes out and whoops your ass so bad, he makes full-grown men run home and cry. And finally, for the ‘Pwnage’ variety, Mr. T jumps out and pities you into oblivion. And if that doesn’t work, he’ll pwn your ass in a split second. Oh, my god, if you get your ass whooped by Mr. T, it’ll be the last memory you’ll ever have (he beats you until you have Alzheimer’s). However, he doesn’t kill you. He pities da foo’ that kills people, because he thinks that ends your suffering too early, so he likes to beat you to near-death, and then he’ll stop so that you can live with all the ouchy and pity.