Forums Kongregate

Changes Coming With The New GameStop Deal

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READ ME FIRST! THIS POST IS A JOKE!


Disclaimer: While I thought this was funny, apparently some people didn’t realize that this was a joke. SevereFlame is not a Kongregate admin (note the lack of a red K next to his name) and the images that he put together were meant as satire. We are not going to start charging for access to forums, nor are we making your profiles look like MyFace. :-P

- Phoenix00017

Edit: Apparently even with this big disclaimer up here people are still not noticing, so I added a giant “Read me first” to the top. Here’s hoping people can notice that…

I’m sure some of you Kongregators out there are a little worried about the new GameStop deal. Yes, we are going to change a little, but we’ll change for the better! None of this should affect you Kongregate users TOO much. Let’s go over the changes.. in PICTURES!

Screenshot One: New Homepage; Premium Games

http://a.imageshack.us/img291/9829/kongregamestop1.png

OOOOH NOO! We can imagine your reaction to this already. Hear us out. Only certain games will be premium, and they’ll be very cheap! Plus, along with the games, there will be offers for cards to use in KONGAI!

Also, we changed our homepage a little. You won’t notice unless you have OCD. ;)

Screenshot Two: New Game Page; Kred Reminders

http://a.imageshack.us/img641/8431/kongregamestop2.png

When you’re low on Kreds, occasionally a little message will pop up reminding you that you can purchase kreds. You’ll hardly notice them, and they will NOT interrupt your game.

Also, we made TINY TINY changes to the game page. This is mostly just technical stuff.

Screenshot Three: New Forum Page; Forum Packages

http://a.imageshack.us/img44/844/kongregamestop3.png

To help stop spammers, we’ve added forum packages. These forum packages will allow you to post and view all forums besides Kongregate and Techincal. We’ve also fixed the watch topic button, so if you pay for the PVW-T (Posting, Voices, Watch-Topic), you’ll be able to use it!

Again, we’ve made tiny little insignificant microscopic changes to the forum pages which you will never ever notice. Ever.

Screenshot Four: Completely Revamped Profile Page

http://a.imageshack.us/img409/1360/kongregamestop4.png

Does your profile page look boring right now? If you answered anything but “YES”, you’re lying. We at Kongregate are proud to introduce personalized profile pages! For just $2.99` you can pimp yo profile page with font customizations, size changes, background changes, and even treating visitors with a little music!``

`(a month)
``(costs $1.99 extra)

We’ve also taken out the useless badge section and added a kreds buyer screen! Just to make it easier for you guys to buy our kreds!

Also, we’ve made ONE TINY OBSCURE IRRELEVANT MICROSCOPIC BARELY-NOTICEABLE change to the profile page. You will never notice it. It is impossible for you to notice it. If you noticed it, the laws of the universe will have been broken. We drew a picture of you noticing the change and showed it to MC Escher. We had to pay his hospital bill. THAT’S how unnoticeable the change is.

Screenshot Five: The Big Beta Tag Removing Event! (Paid Membership); New Sign Up Page

http://a.imageshack.us/img412/2990/kongregamestop5.png

After the above changes are implemented, there will be one week of silence where we warn you about the MAJOR MAJOR event. This event will change your Kongregate experience forever. One week after the change, paid membership will be implemented. To make accounts, you will have to pay a low price of $1.99

But it gets better! Current Kongregate users will have to pay NOTHING!``` That’s right, you get to keep your account for free! That’s why the week is there. Make accounts while you can!

This new account membership will help stop spammers! After all, how many spammers would THINK of making accounts when they cost $1.99 each? That’s some expensive spamming!

Also, we’ve made some MINUTE TINY SMALL SIZE-LESS MICROSCOPIC ATOM-SIZED NON-NOTICEABLE PRETTY MUCH INVISIBLE changes. If an atom was alive, even it wouldn’t notice this change. THIS CHANGE IS SMALLER THAN ONE QUARK. If a quark was alive, it would need a mega-super-duper-ultra-uber-powerful-microscope to MAYBE notice this change. But we doubt it would.

```(policy subject to change)

“Wait, but why would anyone make an account? For chat and forums? They can still play the free games for free! Why do these freeloaders get to play any game for free?”

That’s why we’re proud to introduce..

Screenshot Six: One-Minute Game Trials For Non-Accountees

http://a.imageshack.us/img412/7721/kongregamestop6.png

Every person who tries to play a game on Kongregate that is non-paid will have one minute to try that game out. After one minute, a pop-up will appear informing that their free game trial is over, and give them the option to either go back to the main page or become a member. This will not affect you! It will just encourage people to sign up!

Screenshot Seven: Badge Page Clean Up

http://a.imageshack.us/img829/895/kongregamestop7.png

READ ME FIRST! THIS MESSAGE MIGHT NOT BE A JOKE!


If you are reading this, I am already dead.

At first, this deal seemed like a good idea. GameStop and Kongregate. Two game companies, together at last. But then they made me do this. All of these features you see here. It was me. I WAS THE KILLER OF KONGREGATE.

My wife and children left me because of it. Once these features were finished, the bastards at GameStop fired me. Oh God. Why did I do this? It is my fault. I AM SO SO SORRY.

Well, I guess this is it. The end of life. I killed Kongregate, so it’s only fair that I die too. I’m a coward though. I should live on. I should survive. I should at least let Kongregate kill me. But then again, that’s impossible. How can it kill me when it’s already dead?

I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO SORRY. I AM SO SORRY. Forgive me for the demon I’ve become.
- Phoenix00017

 
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you forgot to include a tl;dr section broski

 
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You forgot to add a Roll’d at the end.

Also, when did we get that little Chester’s time waster ad, I’ve been on the front page every day, but haven’t noticed. o_O

 
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This is hawt. When can we expect these changes?

 
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Zomg?

 
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Yay! Kong Isn’t getting ruined!

Originally posted by Pokerhappy:

This is hawt. When can we expect these changes?


This!

 
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Those look shooped, I can tell by the pixels and having seen quite a few shoops in my time.

 
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Amazing Photoshop.

 
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This might actually happen. That’s why Kongregate made the wrong decision. =/

 
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It will all stay the same for us. No major changes, I hope.

 
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HELL NO!!! Argh!

 
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“useless badge section”; forum packs. rotfl great job. well… all we can do is hope it doesn’t take a turn for the worse!

 
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Originally posted by WiiPlayer113:

It will all stay the same for us. No major changes, I hope.

Keywords: “I hope.” :P

 
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You forgot the lost of the beta tag.

 
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Originally posted by Laxaria:

You forgot the lost of the beta tag.

they’re replacing it with “Powered by GameStop”
:(

 
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Originally posted by Vegard20:
Originally posted by Laxaria:

You forgot the lost of the beta tag.

they’re replacing it with “Powered by GameStop”
:(

OH MEIN GOTT WAS?!!?! I can not believe this!

 
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Photoshopped, amirite?

 
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I lol’ed. xD I really hope all the new people entering the forums understand this is a joke.

OR IS IT?!

 
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Lol, Nice!

 
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wtf I just saw the screenshots and I realized that they are shitting me

 
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Fixed.

 
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Originally posted by Zshadow:

Fixed.

Lol. And lol @ how it says “Welcome, SevereFlame!” xD

 
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Although it was funny, I have to say I stick with “Do not want.”

 
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Originally posted by Zshadow:

Fixed.

You forgot ads for gamestop.

 
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Originally posted by Pokerhappy:

This is hawt. When can we expect these changes?

I’m glad you like it! We’re planning to implement these changes around the end of August. To be truthful, they’ll probably be pushed to the beginning of September.

Originally posted by Laxaria:

You forgot the lost of the beta tag.

The beta tag will NOT be removed with these updates. However, it WILL be removed a week after these updates take place, as we will give you one week before we implement a super special function! (Please see Screenshot Five)

Keep watching the first post, people! We’ll continue to add our screenshots of the new Kongregate!