Thanks for the review. I do know what you mean, but I wasn’t trying to go too in depth. It meant it to be about 1000 words, it was 940 i think. If I had gone more in depth it wouldn’t have been appealing because it would have seemed like a chore to read. I respect your opinion of course, and I might ask around to see if someone agrees, then I will re-write it. Thanks again!
Can you link in that article? Because starting off with a web address is a little odd. Also, I took the liberty to edit your first paragraph to make it a little smoother and quicker to get into. I hope you don’t mind.
“www.kongregate.com is revolutionizing the free online flash games environment. This is a website for any Joe Bloggs that wants to upload their games. This might make you think it would be an environment full of terrible three-second flash games, like the YouTube of flash games. But this website breaks away from sites like www.addictinggames.com and www.armorgames.com with relatively simple yet revolutionary tactics.”
The first line and last line are great the way they are. It was just the bit in the middle that felt a bit rough. I did go a bit hack-and-slash on it, but then again, as a journalist I tend to do that by default :P
Thanks for the help Dabby. I was hoping that AC would help me get real writing advice from real journalists so apparently it worked. I wrote it too fast I suppose. I just read over it and saw “is” instead of “his” in the first paragraph! I do that all the time. And it probably was a bad idea to start with a URL.
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