Still in the progress of writing this and I wondered what the great demi-gods of kong thought of my lowly story.
Ork: Large warlike greenskin, who reproduces asexually through spores. Generaly prefers frontal assault, to ant other means of attack. All have a low level psychic field, the main thing which keeps much of their technology going. Their race is spread through huge areas of the galaxy
Hive: Massively built up city, usually found on hive worlds which are almost entirely covered in them.
Underhive: The place for the dregs of society in the imperium e.g. Mutants, criminals.
Kommando: Sneaky ork
Mek: Ork version of a mechanic
Dok: Ork version of a surgeon
Dakka: shoot, guns
WAAAGH: Ork battlecry and the name of their low level psychic power [waaagh energy]
Weirdboy: An ork with more developed psychic powers, allowing special powers e.g. firing green, pure energy from eyes
Squig: A basic animal, very aggresive, basicaly powerful jaws, sharp teeth, eyes and legs, used as food for orks
Tyranids: Lizardy evil things that attack in huge swarms
fangwy: A highly alchoholic drink brewed by the orks of “Da kaztratorz klan”
Burna: Flame thrower
Choppa: Basic hand to hand weapon of the orks [usualy an axe or a machete like thing]
Slugga: Basic ork pistol
Powerklaw: A piston driven claw almost always has either with 2 or 3 bladed worn by an ork
Pork: The god of “da kaztratorz” and the god of pleasure
If i have left any out, please say.
MOB AT ORK’S DRIFT
TOP SECRET. Grade 1 classified, anti moral content.
Their is a klan of orks which has become so obsessed with styling itself in the image of the human race and the imperium that it has tried to copy its tactics and from our propaganda holograms. It sent a crack squad of kommandos into the imperial palace. The guards that night are being sentenced to death for incompetence and cowardice.
They took from the emperors private collection of holograms on war. They took one of the oldest copies. A hologram called “Zulu”. It is a hologram documenting an ancient battle between a force similar to the imperium, inferior but similar, fighting an evil race of dark humanoids, armed more primitively than even themselves but heavily outnumbering them. Reminiscent of our battles with the Tyranids. The defenders hold out valiantly and eventually defeat the enemy.
The klan who stole this, now copy the uniforms weapons and even tactics of those defenders in the film. In battles against them we have noticed them keeping in tight formation and firing on command. They dress in red coats and white hats and are incredibly difficult to rout fighting down to the last ork.
I wish to warn commanders of these strange orks so that they may not be so surprised they believe that the sentries are lying and execute them without need. Though this is unlikely due to the fantastic minds of our officers but some convict regiments may be suspected as is correct as they are lying cheating scum who simply hold the way for the better forces of the Imperial army. These orks should be treated without mercy for desecrating the image of the imperium with their green hides.
The orks lay silent in the soylent containing area. Having previously hidden themselves and an advanced “tellyporta fing” in a crate and spiking the guards drink with triple distilled fangwy to get the crate into the storage area. Soon they would make planetfall on Holy Terra, and be able to complete their god given mission. They fired up their tellyporta, luckily fangwy was powerful stuff, and made their journey to Holy Terra with a loud bang followed by a thud and for one unlucky kommando, a smash, as he plummeted through an unusually thin sheet of ice in the antarctic tundra. Other than that there were unusually few casualties. And so the orks started making their long way vertical way to emperors residence with their specially adapted ice melting burnas.
They hit the roof of the temple. After discarding their burnas the one of the group drew a squig hide bag and pulled out an acid squig. A recent breed found only on death worlds of extremely low temperature. They excrete strong acid and as such their fluorescent green hide is highly resistant to acid, heat and alkalis. Now came the waiting. The orks took this opportunity to discuss what they would do once they got in.
“Roight, wot we ’az gotta do once we getz in iz ’alf of us keeps a watch while the uvver ’alf cuts open dat door to da map room” said Snikka
“boss? ‘ooz gonna guard and oo’z gonna cut” said the smallest ork
“I forgot one job ya’ little wimp” growled Snikka “you’z gotta keep guard up ’ere now”
“Boss i’m gonna freeze my zoggin’ ‘ands off up ’ere can’t I…”
his sentence was cut short by a kustomized, silenced, slugga shot to the head.
“anyone else got any complaints wiv’ me now” Snikk said brandishing his slugga with a large air of menace. Their were mutters of “oh no boss all fine” and the like
“good” snarled the ork “coz’ I fink da squig iz finished! nowlet’z get do’z mapz boyz. For Pork WAAAGH” this was said rather quieter than normal but stealth was needed at the time rather than sentiment.
The door fell down with a large clang and the orks entered the map room.
“get all of ‘em and den let’z be off I’z gotz t”
He stopped silent. They had all heard it. Footsteps.
“burnas, get eever side ov ’dat door” Snikka whispered “rest of ya’ ‘ide be’ind ’dat big desk.” They all did as told and waited. Then round the corner came 4 cleaning maids. Within 3 seconds they had all been shot several times and were dead.
“Roight! Torch DA place an’ lets go!” Snikka bellowed “oh an’ let out a couple o’ ’dem buzzer squigs as well” he added.
As they trekked across the antarctic tundra to find a suitable place for their mekommando to set up the big rokkit, to take them across to Europe, discussions of what to do next arose.
“Which way’s DA palace Mappa” asked Pognor
“Wehwl” Mappa replyed looking at the map “it’z dat way” pointing towards New Zealand.
“good cos’ datz DA way we’z goin” Snikka butted in.
“’Ere’s a good place!” shouted Ragant, the mekommando placing his boot heavily on a lick of snow and ice, and he set to work. The kommandos making a camp around him.
Ragant was just nailing in the first “seat”, when the Snikka, who was on sentry duty, spotted a spot on the horizon,
“we’ve got ‘oomies boyz! get’z up, fire sumfink dat’ can ’it ’em.”
“use dis’” shouted Ragant, throwing down an improbably sized rokkit “I kept a foo’ spare incase we’z lost any. Point it at ‘em ’den ’it it wiv’ ’ammer” he added. but sadly in the true orkish way the rokkit spiralled 100 feet above the column,
“wot’ use woz’ dat den” Snikka commented
“wait for it” said Ragant eagerly for he had thought of a way around the missing and added a large tank of promethium to the rokkit. And then the sky above the column was ablaze. Though this did not seem to daunt the imperials ,as a whole, it did lessen their number with a rather grisly and painful death.
“look at ‘em doin’ DA burny dance” they all whispered lovingly.
“Ha, one of dem tekky preezts fell over” laughed Snikka looking through his rusted telescope.
They landed in a Jungle with a large crashing of trees.
“Where’z da palace” asked Ragant
“’owz i suppozed to know” shouted Mappa
“I fink we’z in da wrong country” interjected Snikka
“erm yep we’z are” Mappa said sadly
“Roight we’z gonna build a boat tommorow’z, now if you two gitz would shut up i’z tryin to sleep”
All was silent for the rest of the night except for Mappa’s slight gurgling. As his throat was slit on guard duty. Luckily for the other orks, he was positioned far enough away that they were unnoticed, but this was unlikely to continue. Their presence was known by someone or something.
As they approached the headless body of Mappa, they realized that this was not some roaming beast’s work but that of a highly developed creature.
“Pork look wot’z ’appened to ’im” commented one of the orkz
“‘’Is ’eads gone and it’z not ’ere.” commented Zogg, one of the duller orks, who often stated the very obvious. When they split to search for Mappa’s killer Zogg went off with his best friend following a little way behind him, but this was far enough in deep joungle. Although Zogg was simple he really liked fast dakka. He had thus got Ragant to make him a triple, spinning, big shoota. The mekommando called it a biggy gun. Zogg loved his biggy gun and mowing down huge swathes of enemies with it. Zogg sadly now had a large hole where his stomach used to be. He collapsed, his friend running up hearing the “voom!” of plasma searing through flesh.
“ZZZOOOGGGG!!” he shouted and picking up the biggy gun proceded to destroy the surrounding forest. Hearing the din the orks ran to him but simply found a destroyed ork sobbing over his friends dead body. That ork went missing the night after. The orkz were slowly going missing and about a 3 days after Zogg was killled they found where the orks were. They saw the bodys hanging from a tree, flayed of their flesh, looking like a collecttion of grisly trophys.
“Wot ever did ’dis is gonna pay!” snarled snikka, menacingly strapping on his power klaw.
Preparing for the battle to come, the orkz smeared themselves in mud and dung to hide so that they may ambush the trophy taker.
Though having constantly searched, for a chance to take vengeance upon the monster that had killed their brothers. The orks had seen no sign of it. They were getting tired of the constant waiting and were becoming restless.
“we’z been waitin’ for ages and dere’s nuffink. I say we go out, proppa slugga an’ choppa style an’ cut da forest to shreds”
“Norr we’z gotta burninate da woodz, see it comin’ out da forest doin’ da burny dance, ’den we dakka ’im in da back”
“Your all wrong we ’az gotta…” the sentence was struck short as a dart passed through the unlucky ork’s brain, pinning him to the tree he was leaning on.
“Where woz’ dat from” said Wooly looking around frantically, left hand on slugga, right reaching for a hefty pipe, resting on his back. A shadow darted from the treetops, unnoticed, to behind Wooly, and cleft his body in two. This was it’s mistake however. As the blood spurted from the broken form of Wooly, so the creature was revealed. It’s shape formed, reddened by aforementioned blood, huge and lean. Snikka ran forward, powerklaw raised above head, to strike, but the creatures reactions were lightning fast, and it struck, clawing through Snikka’s torso. This deterred Snikka little, and he ran forward again, luckily for Snikka, Ragant entered the fray, with a large branch he sunned the creature long enough for Snikka to close his powerklaw, slicing the thing in two, the creature coughed out a laugh as the ork gloated over his kill and with his dying breath tapped some symbols on his arm.
The explosion was magnificent. The orks were launched into the air, mainly in small pieces. The heat from the explosion set the damp jungle ablaze, like dry leaves, and like leaves in a draft, the surviving orks sailed high into the air. Their was fate looking grim, even to that most positive race.
The few surviving orks were being set about by the resident dok, the customary grunts of pain were muffled by the cold, hard wind and it’s subsequent waves. A small human settlement was visible from a nearby ridge. But the orks were collecting the remnants of their equipment and repairing it, or being repaired, themselves, by the dok.
They were on a small cold island, surrounded by volcanic cliffs and large waves. Trees with blackened, rotted, fruit about their baseswere everywhere on the island. The crater provided a good hiding place for the orks while they readied themselves.
A small craft was in the town’s harbor. Blue and white markings across it, but evidently dormant for some time. The orks decided the next day they would take the craft and go to the mainland. After killing off most of the town’s population of course.
The young gretchen, having taken their place in society swept the snow up high for the very young orks. The snotlings , in their fenced area, sat in unison with the squigs, stroking them with the utmost care and love. An acid squig was fenced within the fence, for obvious reasons. Its furs colour suitable for its current emotion. Some squigs were being fed the marrow-full bones of their brethren by the younger, less experienced snotlings. Not knowing very well the risk of their own marrow. A solid lick of snow lay to their south side and walls of snow, crafted by the gretchen, everywhere else. The mini-society was in an odd state, where the orks all regarded each other as equal rivals. These nameless orks soon would contest each other for the ruling of their 35 square yard domain. As one ork noticed the slowing rate of the brushing of one grot, he shouted in his harsh, feral tongue, like the screaming of the antarctic wind it was based on, before kicking his victim into the acid squig pen. The other nine gretchen laughed, though slightly uneasily, as the ravenous beast set upon the oldest of that settlement’s gretchen, he was the ripe old age of one week.
The nob sized, newly accepted warboss stood, panting, the snow around him crimson with the blood of his 5 rival, mature, orks. His blade of ice lay in pieces, shattered by the final ork. That one on one battle, fought fist to blade, had been won by the unlikely, smallest, ork. He his headbutt knocked the opponent to the ground, and he had finished him off with a blow to the neck. The language had developed slightly from the first primal speaking. The language was now becoming more similar to that of most orks, adding credit to the fact that orks had been created by the brain boys. The fight had also been a test of the mek’s weapons. Though the “bow” was evidently high powered, it had pinned 3 gretchen bystanders to their slowly improving wall, it had, as is the way, missed. The two blades hewn from ice, also had failed, shattering when when they struck the harder parts of other orks. The most effective weapon had been, two squig bone stakes, they were not quite as powerful as the blades or bow but were far more durable and accurate. At the end of the fight, all but 1 of the observers had cheered. That lone observer, had so far seemed very quiet, preferring to sit on his own outside the wall, chanting, and whispering with the wind. The other orks stayed clear of him, as strange occurrences surrounded him and they did not want to be included in these.
Edit: The rather racist description of the zulus is based on the fact that the officer has only seen the white people of his own imperial race and has no knowledge of any other existing.