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rest in peace, hostess

25 posts

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your deliciously unhealthy breaded and creamed products have most likely finally come to their final standstill, and with that i shall not dwell in these moments of sorrow, but rather reminisce in the memories of those fantastic dessert products being crammed indiscriminately into my gaping pie hole

truly, this is a sad day for americans everywhere.

 
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i couldn’t give two shits about twinkies but i like the chocolate cupcake things

 
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Wait, what? The one food that is designed to survive forever is going out of business? I guess now is as good a time as any to finally try a Twinkie. It’s now or never.

 
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fatties gon fat and cry

 
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Twinkies will still exist.

Hostess is just selling everything to new companies.

They will just be made by a different company.

they will probably use the same machines in the same factories.

 
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It’s time to stock up.

 
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What’s a twinkie?
Gah, you Americans

Funions and Twinkies, you have so much unhealthy food.

Now what is a twinkie?

 
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Originally posted by Jennym_aa:

What’s a twinkie?
Gah, you Americans

Funions and Twinkies, you have so much unhealthy food.

Now what is a twinkie?

A nutritious and delicious protein bar.

 
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congress recently classified twinkies as a vegetable

 
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Now what will we eat when the nuclear holocaust comes?

 
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I’m guessing you Americans like Twinkies.

 
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People generally have strong views about Hostess. As this post will make clear, if Hostess doesn’t see anything wrong with feeding us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations then perhaps it doesn’t deserve all the support it’s getting from us. Hostess thinks that the rigors that its victims have been called upon to undergo have been amply justified in the sphere of concrete achievement. This is a fixed and false (i.e., delusional) belief that will lead to its erasing the memory of all traditions and all history quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “homeotransplantation”. I, for one, don’t know if we can cure Hostess of this stolid belief, but I do know that for the first time ever, a majority of bloody-minded criticasters have been questioning their role in helping Hostess ruin my entire day. I insist that we should take advantage of this historic opportunity and beat Hostess at its own game.

Hostess’s invectives have paid off: Already, Hostess has had some success in its efforts to lash out at everyone and everything in sight. Hostess’s apologists aver that “all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la.” First off, that’s a lousy sentence. If they had written instead that birdbrained twerps are deeply impressed by Hostess’s guff then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, Hostess’s sick communiqués have been found incompatible with personal security and the rights of property. You don’t need to be the smartest guy on the planet to figure that out. Heck, even the lowliest Joe Six-Pack knows that time cannot change Hostess’s behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Hostess can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, convert lush forests into arid deserts.

Hostess should have been placed long ago in a locked psychiatric unit. I would have committed it to such a facility under the justification that it keeps saying that fogyism forms the core of any utopian society. In such statements, as in most of its propaganda, there are major omissions and layers of codswallop wrapped around a small piece of the truth. The real story is that what really gets my goat is knowing that Hostess’s “instill distrust and thereby create a need for its prolix views” mentality is so pervasive that I feel like I’m going to endure its despotic tyranny in all its plenitude. Let me express that same thought in slightly different terms: I don’t care what others say about Hostess. It’s still raffish, callow, and it intends to make crotchety nabobs of Machiavellianism out to be something they’re not. Let Hostess’s conniving canards stand as evidence that Hostess has been attacking my character. If there were any semblance of decency left in its claque that ought to be an affront to it. Sadly, that’s a big “if”; we all know that there are lots of weepy, wimpy flower children out there who are always whining that I’m being too harsh in my criticisms of Hostess. I wish such people would wake up and realize that it is our responsibility to ourselves, to our posterity, to our ancestors, and to the God of Nature, which made us what we are, to deal summarily with nit-picky flimflammers. Am I being too harsh for writing that? Maybe I am, but that’s really the only way you can push a point through to Hostess. The bottom line is that I have put this post before you, without any gain to myself, because I care.

 
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I search far and wide for a singe Twinkie (for I have never eaten one before) and did find find any, through about 12 stores that could possibly have at least one.

I have been defeated.

 
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Originally posted by Groping_Grapes:

I never liked anything made by Hostess anyway

disgusting communist socialist european. this is an american thread for american patriots, not hippie pinkos like you.

 
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The hostess a American food company or something?

 
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Originally posted by Cizinec:
Originally posted by Groping_Grapes:

I never liked anything made by Hostess anyway

disgusting communist socialist european. this is an american thread for american patriots, not hippie pinkos like you.

I’m gonna miss Donettes!

 
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Yay!!

 
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I alaways loved Wonderbread.I alaways hated the wheat bread.I miss you Hostess.By the way on the same products different company thing will they be exactly the same? Will they still be labeled under Hostess?Will their products have the same name?

 
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What.

 
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2012 man, I’m tellin’ you. Hostess is in on it. They made a deal with the Mayans. The only food left after a Nuclear Holocaust is Twinkies and now they’ve stopped making it a month before we all die. They want to make sure that even if there are survivors, they will die of hunger.

 
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My your sweet unhealtht snacks forever lay in peace. ;(

 
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Yes we do.Are you british?

Originally posted by Jennym_aa:

I’m guessing you Americans like Twinkies.

 
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The Ho-Hos or whatever were pretty good
Twinkies are overrated though

 
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Shit.I never realized that.On damn month.This is really bar.I wanted to celebrate christmas and it has to be 4 days before the nuclear holocaust.Were fucked.

Originally posted by KrazyKrippler:

2012 man, I’m tellin’ you. Hostess is in on it. They made a deal with the Mayans. The only food left after a Nuclear Holocaust is Twinkies and now they’ve stopped making it a month before we all die. They want to make sure that even if there are survivors, they will die of hunger.

 
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I love donettes.

Originally posted by Destroyatron:
Originally posted by Cizinec:
Originally posted by Groping_Grapes:

I never liked anything made by Hostess anyway


disgusting communist socialist european. this is an american thread for american patriots, not hippie pinkos like you.


I’m gonna miss Donettes!