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Fight for the world

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Im back to writing,it is my first story since a long time and Im open to Constructive Comments.

Chapter 1:Something has changed
It was a cold night the 12th of October, I was with my friends Ale654,Miles000 and Guitarbattle. We were training in the Dojo, when, suddenly Guitarbattle appears and tell us "Guys, Something has came up, we need to go to Crimson Dragon 255 street. We grabbed our Katanas and followed him.
We reached the street, everything was destroyed, and there were giant footprints in the road. Joking, I said, “This was made by a giant”.I would have loved to be wrong, but, unfortunately, I wasn’t. The giant appeared in front of us. He was big, ugly, and was very angry, he had a scar on his back and on his arms.
He smashed Guitarbattle and Ale654. They were bleeding out, so they couldn’t even move.So the only ones left were me and Miles000. I took the giants attention while miles passed under his giant legs and climbed into his back, opened the scar and a giant head appeared instantly, this happened in his arms too. Miles started to cut of his heads, starting with the arms, and when he was about to cut the last one on his back, he fells off and the giant grabs him, squeezing him to death. I was the only one left, I climbed quickly to the giant’s back and cut off his head. I was going to rescue Guitarbattle and Ale654 because the giant was going to fall over them, but then, in the brink of death, Ale654 told me “Go…You need to….escape…Save yourself”, then he died.

I shouted out loud “NO!!!!!!!!!!!” angrily.My friends had died, and there was nothing I could do about it now. So, I took my 3 friend’s body and went back to the dojo. I buried them in the garden, hoping that, one day, I could bring them back to life. I told myself “I need to train harder,if I had advised this, they’d still be fine”.I turned on the TV and saw
LATEST NEWS: A giant has been found in Crimson Dragon 355 street. It was dead, this giant had been causing problems to the people on the neighborhood, and nobody has seen the person who killed this giant. So, I’ve got one last question to tell you viewers. Was the world saved by an unknown person?".I turned off the TV and went to sleep because everything I saw remembered me of my friends, and I needed to rest to get well,because my enemies could take advantage of my weakness and send me to the afterlife.

What will happen next? Will uruguay_noma be able to revive his friends? Will the world be plunged into chaos? Find out in the next chapter of: Fight for the world

 
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To join please fill in this form
Name:
Side: Friend-Neutral-Enemy(Powerful Human,Giant,etc)
Weapons:
Organization(like you’re a member of Yliaster,for example:Lester,member of yliaster)
Abilities:

 
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There’s no setting, no motivation. Basically, this story is sterile; devoid of emotion and purpose. Have some patience and think about the setting and the themes of a story before laying it down at its final form. Try to add more details to your story, describe the exterior environment as well as the interior (psychological) environment in which characters evolve. I was pretty indifferent to the events described, which is a sign that your story is lacking something.

 
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name: rolby
side: friend
weapons: fists. guns
organization: gang of arnhem
habilities: wtf does this mean?

 
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Name: PirateCapo
Side: Neutral/Mercenary (For now)
Weapons: Swords, Pistols, Cannons
Organization: Leader of the Pirates of the Interwebs
Hablilties: Badassery

 
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Originally posted by MadJedi:

There’s no setting, no motivation. Basically, this story is sterile; devoid of emotion and purpose.
Have some patience and think about the setting and the themes of a story before laying it down at its final form. Try to add more details to your story, describe the exterior environment as well as the interior (psychological) environment in which characters evolve. I was pretty indifferent to the events described, which is a sign that your story is lacking something.

Thanks for the tips, I will!

 
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Originally posted by Rolby:

name: rolby
side: friend
weapons: fists. guns
organization: gang of arnhem
habilities: wtf does this mean?

like you have a tremendous speed, you can teleport,etc

 
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Originally posted by uruguay_noma:
Originally posted by Rolby:

name: rolby
side: friend
weapons: fists. guns
organization: gang of arnhem
habilities: wtf does this mean?

like you have a tremendous speed, you can teleport,etc

oh i can fly and i am cool.

 
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name: donglord
side: i dont need friends becoz they betray me
weapons; i use a katana because it IS SUPERIOR to western wepons
organization: order of the massive cocks
abilities; i am invincible and can kill lots of ppl instantly like death and stuf

 
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Name: Cesar The Shadow
Side: Enemy (Ninja-like Human)
Weapons: Male version of Neko-te (metal fingernails), Ashiko (spiked attachments to boots that allows one to climb easier and attack the enemies with the spikes)
Organization: (Not sure which ones exist, so I will just come up with one) The Dark Wolves
Habilities: To slow time to 50%

 
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Originally posted by waffle_god:

name: donglord
side: i dont need friends becoz they betray me
weapons; i use a katana because it IS SUPERIOR to western wepons
organization: order of the massive GODS
abilities; i am invincible and can kill lots of ppl instantly like death and stuf

 
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Voodoo
With Organization
Pirates of the Interwebs
AK-74,Cutlass,RPG-7, Pirate Grenades
My ability is Communist Workforce: Summon minions to aid in battle.

 
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I’ve thought a lot about what you told me MadJedi, and I hope this chapter’s better than the last one, if not, make me know please, and Please make constructive comments.Well here it goes

Chapter 2: The Reincarnation
I Woke up. I was still thinking of the accident, I needed to find a way to revive my fallen friends. Several months later , I received a call from the FBI saying “ We know you killed the giant, and we need your help ”, I replied “ I’d be glad to help you, but, the thing is I can’t beat another giant alone, And I don’t want more people to be hurt, my entire crew died that day“. I ended the call and thought to myself I won’t risk anybody’s life anymore. I’m not the man I used to be. I have grown up. At the time my friends died, I was a person who wanted to kill every enemy with brute force, but, now, I plan strategies for the different enemies I might have
I heard on the radio that Yliaster was causing problems and zombies were surrounding the city. I knew I couldn’t stay on my sofa doing nothing and waiting for humanity to die. I opened my closet, it had my katana. They were both dusty. I haven’t used them for a long long time, so before going to the zombie apocalypse, I decided to check if my katana skills were the same. And so I went to the Dojo Training Arena. But then, Something weird happened, my wooden floor that had never made a noise was gritting. A few minutes later I heard punches to my floor, from beneath it. I hurried to the dojo, and cut a few training bags. I thought “ Yes! My katana skills haven’t changed, Im still the swordman I used to be ”.
When I was leaving the dojo, the floor cracked and a bunch of zombies got out of it. They were ugly, green, with their left side brain broken and bitten, and, believe me I didn’t want to turn into that. I couldn’t believe the zombies had made a tunnel to my underground base. I started fighting, but there were too many of them. I shouted for help several times while I nailed my katana in their brains, until I received a reply. " Don’t worry, I’m here to help you. I would tell you my name, but in this situation were facing, time is gold ”. He was wearing a hat and had a dotted beard. Also, he was wearing a brown jacket and had a magnifier glass. I realized he was an architect. He also had a clyde&tommy gun and in seconds all the zombies were lying on the floor.
I’m sorry, My name is Rolby, from the organization Gang of Arnhem, this organization is to help people evacuate their homes when anything unusual happens, “So what is your name?” he asked " Oh, Where are my manners, My name is Uruguay noma, I worked for the C.IA, but quit when they refused to help me defeat the giant " “ SO, IT WAS YOU! ” Robbie Said. “Yes”, I replyied, “ But it has been a long time since that, and that day I lost all my friends ”. “ I see ”,
Well if its helpful I heard Yliaster knows a way to revive people, and they have been testing it ”. “ Thats why this zombie apocalypse appeared ”. “ I heard their leader is Miles000 ” he said. “ WAIT!” I told him. “ Repeat that to me! ” I said. “ Why, is anything wrong? ” Rolbie asked. “ Everything’s wrong ” I told him. “ Miles000 is one of my fallen friends, but why is he on the dark side?” I asked Rolby. There was no answer. But if Miles was on the dark side something serious had happened. We went out. The sky was violet, and the clouds were black, as if lightnings were gonna fall from the sky. The air was tense, and we found it hard to move. We walked 50 yards and fainted on the ground.
When we opened our eyes, we were on an interrogation room, tied to a chair. A guy named Cesar the Shadow was asking Rolbie questions. Meanwhile, I cut the rope with a ring I had on my hands. All of a sudden I stood up and kicked Cesar in the face, knocking him. I ran out of Yliaster installations quickly and saw they were reviving one of my fallen friends. They had the life elixir on a glass tube and it was yellow. They made him drink it and in one second he was standing again, but his eyes were red. I knew he wasn’t a zombie, because zombies would have been green. I started to run after them but they took refuge in a bunker that could only be opened by them.
We run back to the Dojo and started to think a plan to steal that medical elixir of life.

What will happen next? Will they be able to steal Yliasters elixir? Will Guitarbattle and Miles000 become good again? Find out in the next chapter of: Fight for the world!!!

 
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Originally posted by MadJedi:

There’s no setting, no motivation. Basically, this story is sterile; devoid of emotion and purpose. Have some patience and think about the setting and the themes of a story before laying it down at its final form. Try to add more details to your story, describe the exterior environment as well as the interior (psychological) environment in which characters evolve. I was pretty indifferent to the events described, which is a sign that your story is lacking something.

fuck you mod i don’t see you making any storeys

 
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Originally posted by KingOfTheLULZ:
Originally posted by MadJedi:

There’s no setting, no motivation. Basically, this story is sterile; devoid of emotion and purpose. Have some patience and think about the setting and the themes of a story before laying it down at its final form. Try to add more details to your story, describe the exterior environment as well as the interior (psychological) environment in which characters evolve. I was pretty indifferent to the events described, which is a sign that your story is lacking something.

fuck you mod i don’t see you making any storeys

Leave him, he made a constructive comments and we all learn from our mistakes, don’t we?

 
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Originally posted by cesarcurado:

Name: Cesar The Shadow
Side: Enemy (Ninja-like Human)
Weapons: Male version of Neko-te (metal fingernails), Ashiko (spiked attachments to boots that allows one to climb easier and attack the enemies with the spikes)
Organization: (Not sure which ones exist, so I will just come up with one) The Dark Wolves
Habilities: To slow time to 50%

You’re in chapter 2 onwards

 
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Originally posted by Rolby:
Originally posted by uruguay_noma:
Originally posted by Rolby:

name: rolby
side: friend
weapons: fists. guns
organization: gang of arnhem
habilities: wtf does this mean?

like you have a tremendous speed, you can teleport,etc

oh i can fly and i am cool.

You’re in chapter 2 onwards

 
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Me and Pirate Capo?

Originally posted by VoodooCoffeeGuy:

Voodoo
With Organization
Pirates of the Interwebs
AK-74,Cutlass,RPG-7, Pirate Grenades
My ability is Communist Workforce: Summon minions to aid in battle.

 
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0/5

 
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Name: quaker oats man larry
Side: Pepsi Co
Weapons: Larry is a pacifist.
Organization: Quaker Oats Company
Abilities: The power to convert oats into delicious Quaker Oats brand Quaker Oats.

 
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Meh. I think the story is a bit random, with the stuff happening so quickly. Also, cut the numbers out of the names.

 
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Originally posted by XxTheProtectorxX:

Meh. I think the story is a bit random, with the stuff happening so quickly. Also, cut the numbers out of the names.

What’s wrong with the numbers?

ATTENTION EVERYBODY: I will be going on a trip today and won’t come back until february aprox, so that’s why I left so many reserved posts, so if anything happens I can write the chapters there,Im sorry to keep you waiting, but it’s an order from above(my parents)

 
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Reserved

 
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