Rolby
5346 posts
|
lol im in his story. and wtf? y the fuck did u put those giant letters in the thread?
edit: oh lol theyre smaller again.
|
Roki123
3013 posts
|
wtf lame story. fail thread..
|
Aldir
10090 posts
|
Holy shit someone else from Uruguay? My brethren!
|
Zoronii
8044 posts
|
The structure of the story was disorganized and confusing, and the premise, as far as the first chapter goes, was generic and unappealing. The dialogue and narration was cringe-worthy; it was awkward in choice of words and presentation, as well as being rather predictable. Poor grammar adds to the messy structure, making the whole thing quite painful to read. In general the chapter was riddled with cliche and did a poor job in making itself seem interesting. The main/supporting characters so far lacked any personalization beyond that of a generic cookie-cutter cast and made no emotional connection to the reader whatsoever.
When writing a prologue/initial chapter, make sure you give your story a hook and define your characters’ personalities right off the bat (or one of the two, depending on what kind of approach you’d like to take). And like MadJedi said, describe psychological development in greater detail, otherwise your characters become uninteresting and bland.
|
riddleschool
5051 posts
|
your spamming reserved now i wont play
|
