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Let's tell some lame jokes! page 2

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There are these three guys 2 of them walk into a bar, the third one ducked

Q:How do you turn a bananna into a veggie?
A:Throw it up and it comes down….. squash!

Did you here the one about the hammer? It was a real hit!

 
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How are elephants and grapes alike? They’re both wrinkled and they’re both purple – except for the elephant!
What did Queen Elizabeth say when she saw the elephants marching? ‘Here come the grapes!’ she was color blind.

I’m chalk full of these, I could go all day!

 
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Originally posted by ShadowGHX:

Comon guys, lets tell some lame jokes for the poops and giggles!

‘’Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud’’

Yes sir, It’s fresh ground.

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

What did the apple say to the orange?

Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.

Why was the Math Book sad?

Because it had so many problems.

Yeah!

Wow that is lame. Stay in school

 
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How do elephants hide? Paint their nails red and hide in cherry trees.
How did Tarzan die? Picking cherries.

lol

 
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Runescape is the greatest thing in the history of the Universe, it is the best website ever and if it didn’t exist the world would fall into chaos. There’s one for you.

Why was the shark sick?
Because it ate a bigger boat.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
So every time something crosses the road, you have to make a mark of it? Do you video tape everybody? What horrible conspiracy is this?

 
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creepy

 
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Who cares? Let’s go get pizza.

 
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

because he heard that lame joke so many times and wanted to prove that nothing happens when a chicken crosses the road.

(unfortunately, he got squashed, but he still marked history.)

 
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this isnt realy a joke but i think its funny, if you say it right…

say whale oil beef hooked. say it in an irish accent and say it fast

 
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*cranks out all the lame arse Chuck Norris jokes

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on jesus. >_>

 
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This is a classic from 1940-whatever:

Quisling: Hail Hitler! I am Quisling!
THe Nazi Officer: And your name is?

For the people not understanding that joke:
Quisling (synonyme for traitor, much like Judas)= Norwegian politician working for the nazi under WW2. Got shot for high-treason after the war.

 
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So I’m trying to look up what your talking about, when all of the sudden I stumble upon the “Offended?” page of Encyclopedia Dramatica…Never again will I use that site.

That just scarred me for life.

 
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why did the dinosaur cross the road….because chickens wernt invented yet

hahaa

Originally posted by slasher:

So I’m trying to look up what your talking about, when all of the sudden I stumble upon the “Offended?” page of Encyclopedia Dramatica…Never again will I use that site.

That just scarred me for life.

what the fuck…….

 
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what do you call a gay milkman?
dairy queen!!!

 
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Originally posted by some_guy1:
So I’m trying to look up what your talking about, when all of the sudden I stumble upon the “Offended?” page of Encyclopedia Dramatica…



Never again will I use that site.

ED was blocked for me. I’m guessing it was edited to show something horrific and disgusting.

That, or their sense of humor is disturbing you.

Whats ED? Sorry, I’m a n00b.

 
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BOY : Since we met, I can’t eat or drink…
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : I’m broke.

BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.

Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.

Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.

Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven’t finished the water I gave them last week.

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it’s a sponge cake, isn’t it?

 
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SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Ouch…

Mary : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

HAHAHAHA

 
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Originally posted by me_luv_food:
Originally posted by some_guy1:
So I’m trying to look up what your talking about, when all of the sudden I stumble upon the “Offended?” page of Encyclopedia Dramatica…





Never again will I use that site.

ED was blocked for me. I’m guessing it was edited to show something horrific and disgusting.

That, or their sense of humor is disturbing you.

Whats ED? Sorry, I’m a n00b.

Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Awesome site, though I never got through the whole Offended page. Only looked at about 1/3 of it.

 
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.. this thread reminds me of my stint as a sit-down in-room comedian in Mostly Harmless a couple days back:

Sad, shortlived, and decidedly depressing in the area of comedic genius ability.

in other words.. I LOVE IT!! HAHAHAhaha..

I have plenty of good jokes.. wait.. do Dead Baby Jokes and Hellen Keller jokes count? or do i get kicked for that kinda thang?

… better play it safe..

What has 4 legs and no ears?
Mike Tyson’s dog.

Where do you find a no-legged dog?
Right where you left him.

What is green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree it could kill you?
A pool table.

 
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why did the pigeon cross the road….

it was fucking the chicken

 
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Originally posted by ShadowGHX:

Comon guys, lets tell some lame jokes for the poops and giggles!

‘’Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud’’

Yes sir, It’s fresh ground.

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car.

What did the apple say to the orange?

Nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.

Why was the Math Book sad?

Because it had so many problems.

Yeah!

I was actually laughing very hard after I read this. Classic.