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lawyer mess-ups

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Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.’
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Were you alone or by yourself?

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

Q: I’ll show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I’ll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So you were gone until you returned?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to strike the next question.”

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

Q: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the man’s pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you listen for a heart beat?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?
A: Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

Q: “You were not shot in the fracas?”
A: “No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel..”

Q: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
A: “I have been since early childhood.”

Q: “Can you describe the individual?”
A: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
Q: “Was this a male or female?”

Q: “Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?”
A: “No, this is how I dress when I go to work.”

Q: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
A: “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”

Q: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
A: “Oral.”

Q: “Mr. Saltery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
A: “I went to Europe, Sir.”
Q: “And you took your new wife?”

funny thing i found on internet

 
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copy-pasta.

 
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Not funny…

 
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Originally posted by sillyrabb9:

Not funny…

Originally posted by GHXpert59:
copy-pasta.

Pretty much. = l

 
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Originally posted by hokage4354:
Originally posted by sillyrabb9:

Not funny…

Originally posted by GHXpert59:
copy-pasta.

Pretty much. = l

QFT.

 
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You can’t quote yourself as part of a QFT. It doesn’t work like that. xD

 
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Originally posted by hokage4354:

You can’t quote yourself as part of a QTF. It doesn’t work like that. xD

QTF?

 
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My bad- QTF = Quoting the facts. xD

 
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Q: “All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
A: “Oral.”

I lol’d hard on that one.