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BATTLE DESCRIPTION

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‘The hoofbeats were deafning.When the dark elves stormed the broken palisade that once protected the town,they did so in a undulating mass of swords and hooves,a fast-moving blob of man and animal’.

now give me your description.

 
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Well…using your description, obviously translated from 3 year old typing, i conclude it to be a description of…a battle.

Prize now please.

 
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thats all? is that a part of a story or something?
you should put the hole thing down instead of just one sentence…

 
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Originally posted by xorrexx:

‘The hoof beats were deafening.When the dark elves stormed the broken palisade that once protected the town,they did so in an undulating mass of swords and hooves,a fast-moving blob of man and animal’.

now give me your description.

Corrections in bold. I would also suggest removing the word “blob”, it is out of place compared to the rest of the text.

 
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I think we’re supposed to write our own short passages based on battles.

Here’s mine:

The torrent kept on coming. He was battered and bruised, but he had found some shelter. The rest of his tired group were scattered across the field, hoping and praying for an end. Praying wasn’t enough. Hoping barely made a difference. Instead, the enemies came closer and closer, scanning for a sign of their prey. The sound of marching footsteps came closer and closer until he could take it no more, so he ran. He could hear them behind him, but he was gaining speed. Taking a quick look behind him he could see a small figure run off to get help, he could only hope that it would come fast enough.

Soon enough, he was on the ground. The enemy was above him, weapon raised high. He could feel hot tears running down his cheeks as he realised that this was the end. He looked across the field and saw a woman running towards him, blurred by the water in his eyes. He closed his eyes and waited for it to come…

SMITH! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING! PUT THAT STICK DOWN!”
“mumblemumblemumble”
She came closer as she shouted, “I DON’T CARE THAT HE STARTED IT, PUT THAT STICK DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL PHONE YOUR PARENTS!”
“mumblemumble”
“What was that?”

A silence descended across the field.

“Sorry Mrs Winterburn.”

The bell rang.

 
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i like ur skool one.

 
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Corrections in bold. I would also suggest removing the word “blob”, it is out of place compared to the rest of the text.

 
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oops just experimenting………….fizz pop

 
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^ TRIPLE post

 
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heres a good battle:

BOOM!!!

 
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Originally posted by a_wise_fish:

thats all? is that a part of a story or something?

you should put the hole thing down instead of just one sentence…

2 sentences.

 
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Here’s mine, it might not be a battle description but it’s not bad.

“Never underestimate the power of overwhelming stupidity in overwhelming numbers.