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Poetry!

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Hello, hello! So this is some of my poetry, which is being put blatantly on display here for critique and criticism. Of course, I know I shall be ripped to shreds for this.
Just… when you finish, comment or critique? And tell me which one you liked best! :D
Oh, and I’ll be adding more later, so check back!

Poem 1

Daydreamer

Space cadet

A bland smile etched on your expressionless face

Emotions unreadable

Eyes cast distant, into your inner universe

Your thoughts have gone astray

Your mind contemplates the innate workings of your heart

Come back to me, my ephemeral friend

Plant your feet on solid ground again

Poem 2

Heart and soul captured on paper
Onset of frustration as I fail to realize my imaginations
My mind wanders to places my spirit dares not
Great crooked crags upon which crimson waves crash
Impossible to portray—priceless
Those sad eyes cast skyward in solemn prayer
Cannot be mimicked by a mere mortal as myself
Majestic seraph with eagle’s wings
How can your perfection be grasped by one so lowly as I
Overwhelmed and enthralled by imagination’s limitlessness

Oh, if only I could show the world what cooks in my mind
The green mermaid-witch, vicious creature
The demons that haunts my nighttime soul

Locked inside my thinkbox, unreleased
Won’t you like to gain a peek into my subconscious?
Wander into a place dark and fearsome
Yet bright and promising all the same
My mental screams of anguish
My silent cries of joy
If only they could be shared
With all
With you

Poem 3

Gagged, bound—

I scream—reach out for you.

Deaf and blindfolded—

You cannot, will not hear me.

Cut into my soul and feed

On my agony.

Musical, lyrical screaming—and

Beautiful, eclectic yells of pain.

Bastard child of God and Satan—

Who cares for this lost soul?

Poem 4

The blackness of the quiet

How its thick fog suffocates

Choking smog of silence

Impenetrable hate

Gasping desperately for air

In this ocean of despair

Scream to break this atmosphere

Tension stretching fine and sheer

Frightful, loveless quiet

Lonely, blinding solitude

Reach out to kill this silence

OR it will destroy you

Poem 5

The child sits in his room, alone.
Boredom permits his imagination to run wild.
He hears the wind whisper to him.
He feels a presence close by.
Where is Mother?
Every noise he hears sounds sinister.
Fear envelopes him and he drags his blanket around himself.
The door creaks open—
A figure moves into the room.
The child readies himself—
Who is it? What is it?
He feels his chest constrict.
He holds his breath
As his nocturne visitor moves towards him.

It’s alright, child, fear no more
For Mother is here.
All is well, all is well.

 
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I just realized all the poems I posted before weren’t rhyming! So I’ll post a couple rhyme-y ones here now.

Poem 6
What wisdom hid within your wit, unknown,
Endured the toils and trials of time alone.
Do you not fear the drear decades to come?
Into the weave of existence you are spun.
Legends of your greatness have been sung,
Though your reign on Earth has just begun.
A maritime wanderer of strange shores—
To match your might and measure, there are none;
Great foes defeated with your booming roar!
Who knows if you will stay forevermore?
Of your wistful wonder there is lore;
Into your mystic history I will bore;
To love and know all things about your Soul
Is to be my life’s purpose and goal.

Poem 7
And lazing underneath the sun and clouds,
Amongst the grass and weeds and things that grow,
My mind began to wander past the shroud
Of discontentment and desire to know.

What of this life and then what of the next?
Why are we ignorant of things to come?
Confused, bedazzled, angry, and perplexed,
The truth was hidden and my soul benumbed.

These contemplative thoughts lulling my mind,
The winter sun beat down upon my chest.
Inside my mental crevices I find
No satisfying answer as of yet.

I close my eyes, forget all I resent,
And slumber now, to let my heart lament.

Poem 8
Like the dripping rain, you slipped
Through my fingers
Though I clutched and grasped
For that last droplet
That disappeared, dissipated
Before my very eyes

Like the shattered vase, you cut
The hand that lingered
On your pretty broken pieces
Smoldering regret
As ten thousand little shards
Synchronized a sigh

Poems six and seven were both written in a Miltonian sonnet.

 
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reserved

 
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Lol triple posting.

 
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Here’s a poem:
Pwn, I pwn I pwn I pwn, I pwn I pwn I pwn, I pwn I pwn I am really awesome cause I- (sing constantly to Can Can)

 
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I think I like the second one best. I love the first part, imagination is a wonderful thing. And the third part, with the “Wanna see what I think?” part, that’s pretty sweet. It also managed to use the word “thinkbox” without making a joke, which is pretty sweet. :D

And then poem 5, being afraid of Mother as she comes to comfort you is a pretty cool image. :D I pronounce these poems cool.

 
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Originally posted by yourmom12:

Lol triple posting.

Sorry, I needed to reserve some blocks for future posts…

 
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Originally posted by Mfischer:

I think I like the second one best. I love the first part, imagination is a wonderful thing. And the third part, with the “Wanna see what I think?” part, that’s pretty sweet. It also managed to use the word “thinkbox” without making a joke, which is pretty sweet. :D

And then poem 5, being afraid of Mother as she comes to comfort you is a pretty cool image. :D I pronounce these poems cool.

Yay! Coolness! :D That’s always good….

 
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Originally posted by Xubnormal:
Originally posted by yourmom12:

Lol triple posting.

Sorry, I needed to reserve some blocks for future posts…

Oh that’s what you were doing.

 
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Originally posted by BCLEGENDS:

Here’s a poem:

suck, I suck I have a low IQ I suck, I cnat spel I suck I suck, I suck cause I- (sing constantly to Can Can)

Now thats better.

 
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Originally posted by yourmom12:
Originally posted by Xubnormal:
Originally posted by yourmom12:

Lol triple posting.

Sorry, I needed to reserve some blocks for future posts…


Oh that’s what you were doing.


… Indeed it was.

 
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Originally posted by flyingman:
Originally posted by BCLEGENDS:

Here’s a poem:


suck, I suck I have a low IQ I suck, I cnat spel I suck I suck, I suck cause I- (sing constantly to Can Can)

Now thats better.

Yes indeedy. And all BC does is spam random things in most topics. I said MOST!

 
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Good thing you said MOST, or someone’s gonna start bitching. o.o

 
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i did a forum like this before so therefore its spam

 
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Space cadet

This is an awesome song made by Kyuss! Just to let you know.

 
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These were pretty good, a bit basic but a pleasure to read. Nice job! I probably liked the second one the best, personally.