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[story] arctic quest - a short story by randomturtle (quite rubbish)

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It was a cold and dark night in the city that never slept. there was hard rain, the kind of rain that washes the dirt right off the street, tonight it was it straight into my home.Their was a tap on the door, …….. damn I’m going to have to change the plumber I use I thought. So I called a different plumber to fix it. But he robbed me of my house with a gun he had. so I slept on the corner of an old cinema in the city. It was cold and dark here but I woke up just without my money. I walk down to the docks and saw a help wanted sign. It was for an arctic expedition and my arctic quest in the means of science of course. So i decided to help out. I went into the cabin and met the crew. There was Jake just like me came along for nothing and therefore will help with jobs. Joe like Jake who was like me and helps with jobs. Mark the ship mechanic he knows the ship inside and out. George ship chef cooks everything that he needs to. Andy the ships fisherman who catchs fish to eat. And finally Max he is in charge of this expedition. I think max hired me as a help monkey who will dance when he says dance.

We all set sail toward the arctic. That night there was a meteor shower to the north it was wonderful. we all gazed up in amazement for a long time and we all went inside and ate. George cooked some fish from the fisher man Andy.
The next day the arctic was just 100 miles away soon we will be there. I need to get my house back but how what ever the answer this will buy me time. The longer i live the more time I have to think and its quiet so i can think.
I talked to Andy and he told me to sleep on it because i fishing at night and some sleep will give you time to think like your mind knows the answer and you don’t. That night when everyone was asleep apart from Andy who was fishing. Andy fished something out but it was not a fish. It was an eight foot amphibious fish monster. Andy was defenceless and his fate was sealed. He was to terrified to scream for help. The next morning the crew walked out onto the deck and saw Andy riped to bits and no sign of nothing. And I knew if I wanted to think about how to get my home back I knew i needed to live so I need to investigate this. I started by fishing but i have a sword by my side all the time. That night we had the marlin I caught big enough for us all. Later on i went fishing and i caught something that was not a fish. It was an eight foot amphibious fish monster. I grabed my sword it was an epic battle but I lost. I had no hope what so ever. but then out of no where max jumped on its back. so I grabed my sword and lunged it into the heart of the beast. Then max climbed down from the beast we woke the rest of the crew to show them. Was I safe or not? I decided to fish more to see if it was just the one but it was not. I found 4 more of these creatures and this time I knew how to kill them killed them all. at day I fished and found a fluffy pink ball it dose live and it was deadly I was nearly killed. But with the arctic in sight i whent to bed and slept til morning.

The next day I got of the boat and said why are we here again. max told me it was to research and explore that night we all slept in the boat. I woke up and saw everyone else was gone I looked out the window and i was under water. So i knew the ship had sank. I opened a door and water gushed into the room. I dived in and open a hatch it was the waste pipe. I swam back into the room and graded goggles and a scuba suit but only half filled. I dived out of the room and swam to the kitchen I opened the toilet in hope that we whent out of loo role. We was not I grabed it and use it to mark where I have been swam up to sea level and broke a window and use loo roll to though at a mutant squid water gushed in and I swam out the exit and I swam to shore. on this trip I thought why where they gone when I was still in. I climbed up and saw Mark and he decided to try and kill me.

Before I stabbed him a ghost came out and transformed into a glass monster. so i didn’t stab mark but I battled the monster. I stabbed him and broke him. Mark got up and took me back to the rest of there people. something weird was happening and I was thinking harder than ever. Max then said glad you made it. I said nothing we travelled far and found a massive crater with meteors every where this explains the monsters. So there actually aliens and that is there fleet. A meteor cracked open and an alien rock Golem broke out 4 more cracked. 4 smaller alien rock Golems broke out. Me, Max, Mark, Jake and Joe grabed swords. There was only 5 swords. The golem tossed a rock and George got killed by it. And an epic battle brewed. In the end the golems died when We smashed there necks off. We smashed the other meteors they all when to smash a big one and it exploded. I am alone in this icy wasteland.

I decide that if i wanted to stay alive I have to get back to New york. So i refilled my oxygen tank and dived down to the sunken ship. I swam in to fish a giant alien squid attacked me so I turned him into sushi with a knife. I collected logs and built a raft. I took all my sushi and set of back to New york. It took 7 days to get back now I still don’t have a plan to get my house back but i might be able to plan for another night. I went back to the cinema to sleep. I woke up and head down to the docks and there was a sign saying arctic expedition failed.

Out of the water came an eight foot amphibious fish monster I ran i had no sword but i picked up a gun that someone must of dropped. I shot it but this was only the beginning. I when into my old house and saw the man transforming into an alien I ran because I used up my ammo. The next morning I woke to gunfire. Aliens have invaded I got a gun and whent back to my old home and shot the alien. After 3 years the war was over. So life whent on apart from New york was run down. Except my house.
Well this is what you get if you kill aliens.

THE END

 
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What?!

 
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Random, I would look through the story and proofread it again.

 
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Bad grammar, missing capitalization, missing commas, missing quotations, and some bad spelling. Work on it.

 
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Bad grammar, missing capitalization, missing commas, missing quotations, and some bad spelling. Work on it.

Still.

 
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Is this a game? Did you sign up?

 
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not a game just me writing a story for people to read.

 
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Can I be the plumber?

EDIT: Awww.

 
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To be perfectly honest, you sound like someone who reads too much and writes too little.

Firstly, fix the grammar and spelling. Then re-read the whole thing, and make improvements. At least half of the sentences in that passage are structured awfully – they could be vastly improved with a little thought.

 
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www.freewebs.com/authorrmcd

Read that.

 
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its a good story

 
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To be perfectly honest, you sound like someone who reads too much and writes too little.
Firstly, fix the grammar and spelling. Then re-read the whole thing, and make improvements. At least half of the sentences in that passage are structured awfully – they could be vastly improved with a little thought

exactly

 
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stop commenting on my mistakes.

 
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It’s not good.

 
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it kinda sucks, not a very good story line, sucky grammar, spelling, and the rest

 
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stop commenting on my mistakes.

You post something online, its pretty much open to criticism, wether(s?) you like it or not.
It leaps around alot, first off your in a house and its raining, then you seem to jump straight to being in the arcitic. Also Why would anyone hire these people to be on this expedition. They are seemingly useless you have a cook, a person who is in charge and three people who seem to serve no role. For all we know they could be beggers and have the intelegence of a dead rodent, or they could each be amazingly intelegent, rich and be funding this expedition. So some background on the characters would have been nice. After coming to terms with these people serving no purpose we’re intoduced to Andy who appears from nowhere to catch some fish. No mention of him before albeit there was virtually no space for you to introduce him but whatever.
I stopped reading after meeting Andy, the story didn’t seem to flow at all.
On a side not, keep trying and what not.

 
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Me, Max, Mark, Jake and Joe grabed swords. The golem tossed a rock and George got killed by it. And an epic battle brewed.

Epic!

I swam in to fish a giant alien squid attacked me so I turned him into sushi.

WTF?

 
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Me, Max, Mark, Jake and Joe grabed swords. The golem tossed a rock and George

what? ur talking about u mark max jake and joe, and then suddenly there’s a george…. i say again, it sucks

 
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No seriously, random, this story is terrible.

 
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I opened the toilet in hope that we whent out of loo role.

what the hell does that mean?

 
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what the hell does that mean?

Try actually reading the story. The answers are all there.

 
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No they really aren’t Phoenix. There is no reason in the story for why he went to the toilet in hope they had toilet roll.

 
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Perhaps your all missing it. Try reading it again.

 
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I have read it, he grabs toilet roll and it is never mentioned again; care to explain where the toilet roll is mentioned again? Also if all the answers are in the story, care to elaborate on some of the questions I brought up in my earlier posts? Where the hell does Andy appear from? he just sort of well appears and dies pretty quickly. What was the point of this expedition? Why would anyone hire half of the people to join the expedition? They’re seemingly useless.

 
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I understand it if u don’t fine but no need to get all agrasive at me.