Steal the Cookie (No Sign-Ups) page 86

I build a submarine that can withstand the pressure at the bottom of the ocean and has arms so i can grab the jar open it and hide it inside a deadly,venomous snake’s stomach.

I wear a protective suit and slay the snake, dissecting it to remove the cookie from its stomach. I then put the cookie through a wormhole and send it to the other side of the universe.

I go through that wormhole, steal the cookie, attach an antimatter bomb onto it, escape through the wormhole, then explode the antimatter bomb with a remote right after I get to Earth.

I estimate the location of the blast, calculate the likely trajectories of the pieces of the cookie, send very many spaceships to gather them while improving the previous guesses based on the new information, analyse them to determine their original arrangement, and reassemble them.

Originally posted by plopfill:

I estimate the location of the blast, calculate the likely trajectories of the pieces of the cookie, send very many spaceships to gather them while improving the previous guesses based on the new information, analyse them to determine their original arrangement, and reassemble them.

Firstly, an antimatter bomb is so strong that it may have blown the cookie into atoms. Secondly, you forgot to protect the cookie.

So, I can fly over your spaceship, steal the cookie, then blow your spaceship up with a hydrogen bomb. (Yes, I have some other types of bombs and other tricks up my sleeve.) I then protect the cookie with a 2 inch thick amadantium wall. (If you wonder, amadantium is a fictional, indestructable metal that covers Wolverine’s skeleton. Don’t ask how did I get this large amount of it.)

I use a teleportation device to get inside the amadantium wall, steal the cookie, and fly back to Earth. I travel into the middle of the Sahara desert, dig a hole to the mantle of the Earth, put the cookie in a protective casing, and then bury it. I place several traps all around the vicinity of where I dug the hole (the exact location was filled in so well that it looks like nothing ever occurred there).

I construct ten thousands of vessels capable of travelling in earth mantle. I dig a hole to the mantle of the earth and place the machine into the mantle. I control the vessels and go to the mantle under Sahara. I find the casing eventually. I open the casing a take out the cookie.

I construct a spaceship. I put the cookie into the spaceship. The spaceship will now travel randomly in space. Good luck.

I secretly put a tracking device on the spaceship before it left and know exactly where to look. I send my own spaceship, which finds the cookie, takes it, and brings it back to earth. I then proceed to put the cookie in a jar and hide it in a bear’s cave.

I follow you to the bear cave, and upon seeing you getting in and out unharmed, concluded that there is no bear. I then walked in, opened the jar and took the cookie.

I boarded a Typhoon, ate the cookie and my fellow officers dove the Typhoon.

I followed you down in my own Typhoon submarine, followed by two friends in two other Typhoons. Using sonar, we discovered your location, we each attached heavy-duty cables, and drug you back to the surface. We then boarded your vessel, took the cookie back, tied you up, and took you onto our pirate-ship-looking sail boat. We then made you walk the plank and proceeded to blow up your Typhoon so it could not be used again.

I then grounded the cookie into minuscule, microscopic crumbs and spread them all over the beach of a deserted island, mixing it in with the sand. I then installed several anti-air defense installations to prevent anyone from flying there. I also set several thousand nautical mines around the island to prevent any submarine or ship from docking there. I also ordered a large crew of men to dig under the island and make a six foot thick reinforced concrete wall under the entirety of the island to prevent anyone from digging there. Finally, I installed a special jamming device that redirects all attempted teleportations to the site to a small cheese house in England.

I contact God with my powers and ask him to reverse time for me, but to make sure the cookie falls into my hands. He reverses time to the point where the cookie was never touched at all and i find it in my fridge.
I, feeling that this cookie will cause many others to search for it and cause widespread pain, contact God and ask him to put the cookie in his pants. Anyone who tries to reach into his pants will be automatically transported to hell and anyone who even thinks of asking him for the cookie will also be transported to Hell, for only I can ask him for favors.

I am God. I pull the cookie out of my pants.

I shoot the cookie into SPACE.

I am also friends with the Devil, so I contact him and get him to pull it out of space and give it to me.
I then ask the Devil to prevent God and everyone else from moving. He does so and I stop moving too. Hey, its the devil. Point is, everyone and everything cannot move, even the devil. and I still have the cookie in my non-moving hands.

The devil dies eventually because he cannot move. I shoot you in the head and take the cookie away.

I make the cookie collides with another cookie which is made of antimatter. The cookie becomes pure gamma rays.

God resserects me and I say “Ït’s on b****.” I get God to turn the gamma rays back into the cookie. (I would have had to get another cookie anyways, WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?)
I then open a portal into the Void, where nothing exists, and I throw the cookie into there, sealing the patch afterwards. I then get God and the Devil to work together to seperate the Void completely from this universe, making it inaccesable by anyone.

Using telekinesis, I concentrated on the cookie and it simply appeared in my palm.

I went to the cookie factory, and a worker saw me with the cookie in hand. He promptly snatched it out of my hand and place it in a pile of cookies. How do you tell which one is THE cookie?

I ask God which one is the cookie. since God is all-knowing, he points to the correct cookie. I take it.
I then have God eat the cookie. God cant be destroyed. How do you get the cookie outta him?

I politely pray to and ask God for the cookie. He gives it to me (don’t ask how lol.)
I burry the cookie deep below the river Styx.

It washes up on the shore of hell, where I grab it and run away with it. I then nail a high explosive onto the cookie that detonates whenever someone attempts to disable the bomb. I activate the bomb’s timer.

I take the bomb off the cookie without disabling it. I then feed the cookie to a rancor.

I ask god to give me the cookie, and he does.

I then ask god to tame the Rancor and so I get the rancor to defend the cookie.

The Rancor was so tame that it did not stop me from getting the cookie.

I ate half the cookie and threw the other half into a landfill.

[Please elaborate instead of simply “ask god”. This is getting old.]

I learn how to do a gastric surgery, then get one half of the cookie out of your stomach so perfectly, that you didn’t even notice. Also, I put a GPS chip on the cookie a few pages sooner, and it somehow ended up being on the other half of the cookie, so I know exactly where to dig to find it.

I put a newly invented explosive on the cookie. This explosive activates whenever someone attempts to move the cookie by any means (telekinesis or asking God or the Devil also counts looks firmly at hangman95), blowing up both the cookie and the person who tried to move it into simple atoms, where it’s unrecognizable if an atom is from the cookie or not. Also, I blocked every type of communication between any supernatural being and hangman95.

This explosive activates whenever someone attempts to move the cookie

I move the explosive away from the cookie, and tossed it into the sea just to be sure. I then simply take the cookie.

I added some yeast to the cookie and put it in an incubator, and watched as the yeast turned the cookie into its nutrients to grow and reproduce.

I knock you out with a baseball bat and take the cookie out of the incubator…. somehow.

I bury it somewhere in the desert, inside a labyrinth of cliffs in the middle of a … pterodactyl nest.