Steal the Cookie (No Sign-Ups) page 87

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I don’t need to see you. I just need to see the cookie. You took out the pterodactyls, but forgot to take the cookie.

I walked into the labyrinth. Walking over the bodies of the pterodactyls, I thank you in my mind for clearing the path. I took the cookie and left.

I added some yeast to the cookie and put it in an incubator, and watched as the yeast turned the cookie into its nutrients to grow and reproduce.

And now, as a good scientist, I repeat my experiment.

 
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And I kill you as you finish your experiement. “You can be as smart as you like, but im the assasin, b****”
I collect the results of your experiment and trash your equiptment. I return to the Place of the Deepest Shadows, with the cookies.

 
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[omigawd, I died.] :(

[presses restart button]

I wait for dawn, for sunlight to illuminate the ground and dispel the shadows. I then greet you and ask for cookies pwease?

 
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I look into your eyes. I destroy the other cookies and break the final cookie in half, handing one half to you. I then run off and burrow deep underground.
In other words, anyone who wants the cookie has to collect both halves from us.

 
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[Yay.]

Cookie is yummy :)

Having risen from the ashes, I take flight, leaving behind a trail of warm, harmless flames.

 
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I build a secret underground base 3000 feet underground. I implement several robots with lazer guns and I lock myself inside the base, within a tomb of steel, the half cookie in my hand

 
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I disarm bandit and take the cookie half, before handing him upside down by his feet on a tree. I then take a lightsaber, and defeat the robots since lightsabers can deflect lasers. Then I cut through the tomb using my lightsaber, steal the cookie half before filling the tomb with cement, combine the cookie halves and then throw the cookie into a portal to HELL!

 
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easy, i ask the devil to hand the cookie back. (didnt you read the earlier posts?)
I go to the pit of hell and the devil keeps me safe from all of it’s dangers, with the cookie in my hand.

 
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The devil, being pure evil, turns on you. You begin to blister up and can no long even hold onto the cookie. You let go. It appears on the top of Mount Everest. I quickly take a jet there, go up with a climbing party, and retrieve the cookie. I then go down with the party, take the jet into the Amazonian rain forest, and parachute out of the jet over the river. I break the cookie into fifths.

The first fifth I let the river take with it. The second fifth I give to some local indigenous people who have seldom seen someone from outside of their tribe. I call in a helicopter (using an encrypted radio signal) and get picked up. The helicopter takes me to Fort Knox, where I am graciously allowed to deposit the third fifth of the cookie. I then get further permission to give the fourth part of the cookie to a team of astronauts, who take it to the International Space Station and hide it extremely well in the electrical wiring areas. I break the fifth part of the cookie into two more pieces. I fly to China and leave one of them in a random section of the Great Wall of China; I take the last part of the cookie and give it to the Queen of England (and the other Commonwealth realms), who puts it in with the Crown Jewels.

 
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I disarm bandit and take the cookie half

u no disarm me. i is phoenix, u know.


Aboard a fishing boat, a net caught the first fifth of the cookie along with many fish.

One of the crew asked the locals about the cookie. Since they were not used to outsiders (and not to mention outsiders’ gifts), they gave the second fifth back with a mildly fearful look.

Another person among the crew spied on Fort Knox, and saw a slightly careless officer. He followed the officer to his home in his free time, invited the officer for a drink, and with the help of some anaesthetic, obtained all of the officer’s uniform. The next day he went into Fort Knox, grabbed the third fifth of the cookie, finished the officer’s duties (to avoid arousing suspicion), and returned to the officer’s home to drop off the uniform tidily. The anaesthetic wears off and the officer awakes, but felt nothing out of the ordinary.

The astronauts were still on the ground. (you know, space shuttles are not like jets. They don’t take off every day.) We sent an engineer to explain the dangers of small pieces of stuff in weightless environment, and convinced the astronauts to give back the fourth fifth of the cookie.

At an airport, we looked up flights to and from China, and deduced by timing that you must have flown to Beijing, drove near to the Wall, walked the rest of the way, and dumped the fragment of cookie somewhere along the section of Badaling. So we retraced your route, and spotted the fragment of cookie.

A security detail to the monarch of the Commonwealth advised her to leave the cookie crumb, fearing a weird assassination attempt, so Her Majesty dropped the cookie crumb. After the party turned a corner, we picked up the last piece of the puzzle.

We put all 6 cookie crumbs together, baked it somehow (to put it back to one piece), and threw a little party for our effort. Win.


I put the cookie in a jar, and left with our crew to shopping!

[let’s have the game back to normal instead of breaking the cookie into X pieces.]

 
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I sneak into your house, steal the jar with the cookie in it, and break it with a hammer.
I put the cookie in a storage area of a pharmaceutical factory, mixed in with roughly 16,000,000 various pills. Good luck finding the needle in the haystack, or rather, the cookie in the pill storage area.

 
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The storage was emptied of the pills.

(dimensions of cookie > dimensions of pills
→ cookie got stuck & stayed in the storage)

I then went in and took the cookie.


I gave the cookie to some starving children in sub-Saharan Africa.

 
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I sent ninjas to knock the children unconscious before they could devour the cookie. They also brought the cookie back to me. (Good job, you have me stealing from starving children).

I place the cookie in the National Archives, and do so in such a way that if it is ever removed, it will pour ink all over several priceless, historical documents.

 
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[I’m so sorry. I’ll have you steal from the billionaires who ‘stole’ our fortune by manipulating the economics instead.]

I remove the documents first. I then place some bowls where the documents were, and remove the cookie. The bowls collected the ink nicely.

At a lunch after a press conference with the CEO of some randomly super-rich corporation, I placed the cookie among the stack of cookies. The CEO then unwittingly ate it.

 
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I hire a specially trained ninja to perform the Heimlich maneuver on the CEO, causing him to spit up the cookie (though a few broken ribs also likely went along with it). The ninja then knocked the CEO out to prevent him/her from calling for security.
I put the cookie in the coffin of an old man at his funeral. His body is already buried before you can get there. [Still have to get you back for making me attack starving children, lol.]

 
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Using minimally invasive techniques, I opened a small gap in the coffin, grabbed the cookie, and retrieved it. I then replace the earth and make it look nice and peaceful as before.

I washed the cookie of the CEO’s fluids (argghh), and then just randomly tossed it away.

 
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Your carelessness cinched the retrieval of what rightfully belongs to me. You threw the cookie into my clutches

I decode the cookie into binary transcript and widely distribute it all across the internet

 
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[But the cookie is still there, right? Like, a document doesn’t disappear after you type it into a computer.]

I viewed the logs of your online actions. I then trace your location, and find the cookie beside a computer.

I hide the cookie on top of some lamppost.

 
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I climb up the lamppost and retrieve the cookie.
I place the cookie as bait on a set mouse trap.

 
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I get an army of ants to retrieve the cookie. They were too light to trigger the mouse trap.

I went to a cookie factory, filled up a ship load of containers with cookies, and got the ship to sail to Africa. I fly there myself, and gave the children there the cookie, telling them that they could have more cookies if they shared this one without fighting.

 
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They couldn’t help but fight about the cookie. As they fought, they didn’t notice that I took the cookie and replaced it with another one.

I threw the cookie in a spot of Antarctica from a helicopter. As for where did I throw it, I don’t know, since I did it blindfolded. Also, I previously put the cookie in a box covered in thin magnets, making all GPS chips or other tracking devices useless, but still letting the local penguins break though it and eat the cookie.

 
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A future US president declares war on penguins and in the slaughter that follows, the penguin who ate the cookie is killed and found to have eaten the cookie. I take the cookie and give it Dr. Hax, telling him anyone who tries to take the cookie is a HACKER!

 
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I went to Dr Hax and took the cookie from him, while he get mesmerised with computer hacking.

I stick the cookie to a tree in Africa.

 
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I get Indiana Jones to retrieve the cookie for me, he hands to me before running away from a boulder.
I toss it under the boulder and the cookie crumbles. I stomp it into the mud.

 
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The cookie regenerates and kills you. How, nobody knows.

I hide the cookie in a Aperture Testing Facility.