Thanks, but no thanks.
If you start to get sick of these updates, though, I could take a look at what I posted and see how much of it can go onto deviantART as a Fanfic.
Chris – Littleroot Town
(The last thing he did before going to bed was level everyone up to 14.)
Loudred: UP AND AT ‘EM! IT’S MORNING!
I fell out of bed when I heard that.
Ugh… when’d I catch a Loudred?
Gardenia.EXE: Your 3DS data indicates a 7-AM alarm, does it not?
Chris: The alarm was your idea, wasn’t it?
Gardenia.EXE: It’s actually from the second set of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games.
Chris: That was unnecessary, though. I’ve never had trouble waking up with the regular 3DS alarm. I’d also like to keep my eardrums INTACT.
I closed my 3DS long enough to change into proper clothing, just so Gardenia.EXE
wouldn’t see me naked. Before getting breakfast for myself, I put some out for my current team.
Then it was off to Rustboro. Once I reached Route 104, though, I remembered that I left Team Coal’s machine where it was… in the Petalburg woods.
There were two Coal goons making some changes to the machine.
Josh: They’re not gonna ramp it up even further, are they?
Coal Grunt 1: You sure you didn’t bring a Torchic with you, Argus?
Coal Grunt 2: Yeah… think that meddling kid is back?
They both looked my way.
Argus: Okay, Dawson, get your Pokémon ready. We should be able to crush him. You are challenged by Coal Grunts Dawson and Argus!
Dawson: Ready when you are!
Dawson sent out Mawile! (Level 14)
Argus sent out Aron! (Level 14)
Chris: Josh, Magnemite, go! Arceus? Why not Dialga? Oh, whatever…
Dawson: Uh, Argus, I don’t suppose that’s Venten’s Magnemite he’s sending out, is it?
Argus: I swear, if Venten doesn’t control his anger issues by the next mission…
Chris: Yes, it is Venten’s Magnemite. It doesn’t seem to like Team Coal.
Argus: For Arceus’s sake! Even the higher-ups treat their Pokémon with respect!
Dawson: Mawile, Flamethrower! Fry that Magnemite’s circuits!
Argus: You REALLY brought your Magic Mawile with you?
Dawson: It’s funny!
Argus: Children aren’t likely to know what to expect from each and every Pokémon! You’re wasting your time, and you know how Team Coal is about that.
Dawson: Just issue an order to your Aron so we can ROFLstomp this kid.
Argus: Aron, Rock Slide.
Chris: Josh, cast Ember on Mawile. Magnemite, go with a Thunderbolt on Aron.
Josh was first, blasting Mawile for 28. Dawson’s Mawile then proceeded to make a caster’s pose before frying Magnemite with a 34-damage hose of fire.
Chris: MAGNEMIIIIIIIIIIITE!! Magnemite was sturdy enough to endure the attack!
Magnemie: Mag… ne… MITE!
Chris: You… you survived!
Josh: Did you already forget about Sturdy? As long as it’s at full life, it cannot be knocked out.
Chris: Oh… right.
With that, Magnemite released a wicked Thunderbolt that did 75 damage to Argus’s Aron.
A critical hit!
Aron was knocked out!
Chris: That was awesome. Argus sent out Shieldon! (Level 14)
Dawson: And that’s why Venten’s a retard.
Chris: As cool as that was, I don’t know if you’re gonna be able to put on a repeat performance. I’d better switch you out in favor of Lola. Josh, you finish off Mawile with a second Ember.
Josh: Sounds like a plan.
Magnemite went back in his Pokéball, and then I brought out Lola. In the meantime, Josh’s second Ember knocked out Dawson’s Mawile.
Argus: Show them a real attack. Shieldon, use Rock Blast on Josh!
Argus’s Shieldon proceeded to repeatedly throw rocks at Josh. With each one doing 18 damage, though, it only took two to knock him out. It was at this point that I recalled him into his Pokéball so he didn’t die. The fifth rock looked like it would’ve been a crit if Josh had lasted that long.
Dawson: One for one.
Argus: His Magnemite’s still ticking, and he knocked out my Aron last turn.
Dawson: This won’t be a problem for my Klink.
Chris: Let’s see how you do against Tracer though.
While Dawson sent out a Klink (Level 14), I brought in my Zigzagoon.
Dawson: You are SO begging for the exploding devastation my Klink is about to throw down on your two butts.
Chris: If that’s what I think you just implied, I’m going to have to decimate your Klink. Tracer, Headbutt his Klink. Lola, use Nature Power, also on Klink.
Tracer’s Headbutt only did five damage.
Dawson: You call that decimation? Klink, Flash Cannon the Zigzagoon. This is gonna hurt.
Argus: Shieldon, use Rock Blast on the Lotad.
Shieldon threw two rocks at Lotad, each of them doing 7 damage.
Okay, that wasn’t so bad, but what’s Klink going to do?
Apparently what Klink was going to do was launch a silver ball of energy at Tracer. (Oops, forgot to record how much damage it dealt.)
Nature Power became Seed Bomb!
Seed Bomb was six damage. This was a problem.
The next turn was more of the same, except that Tracer fainted!
Dawson: Did you really expect that Zigzagoon to do anything? Butterfree used Sleep Powder!
Chris: This is why I bring a full belt… including this Butterfree!
Argus: It’s going to die.
Chris: That so?
Argus’s Shieldon fell asleep!
Chris: So it can’t Rock Blast me into submission.
Dawson: That was in vain. Klink, Thunderbolt.
Chris: Stay strong, Butterfree. I believe in you.
…but Klink was stronger…
A critical hit!
Butterfree is weak against Electric-type attacks.
Butterfree was knocked out!
Chris: …I’ll just have to finish this before Shieldon wakes up. Lola, Nature Power. A critical hit!
Klink was down another 12 HP. If my math was right, the next Nature Power would KO.
Dawson: Thunderbolt the Pidgey!
Chris: Quick Attack!
Farore did 4 damage and took 40.
Luckily, Lola was able to finish off Klink on the same turn.
Chris: I think I’ve got this… Magnemite, care to help me out?
Argus: This could be bad. C’mon, Shieldon, wake up.
Chris: Magnemite, Flash Cannon. Lola, Nature Power.
Two hits later, Shieldon fainted and I had won.
Chris defeated Coal grunts Dawson and Argus!
Dawson: Dammit! I thought I had that fight under control, too!Chris received 850 yen for winning!
Argus: You definitely would’ve if you hadn’t used your Magic Mawile!
Chris: I’d suggest turning off that machine.
Argus: How about no?
Chris: How about Magnemite pays you goons back for what Coal has done to the newbie trainers?
Argus: Alright, alright, I’ll turn it off!
Dawson: We’re being bossed around by a KID… this is embarrassing.
Argus proceeded to disable the machine. One flash later, the Pokémon in the area were reduced to about level 10. Now newbies wouldn’t face a sudden difficulty spike upon entering the Petalburg Woods.
Chris: While you’re at it, why don’t I take you down to the station?
Dawson: Okay, THAT isn’t something you can do.
The two of them proceeded to jet. Something told me that wouldn’t the last I saw of them…
Rather than hunt them down, I headed to Rustboro so I could patch my team up. There was also the small matter of the Rustboro gym, which was fixed.
The critical T-bolt against Butterfree didn’t help, either. At least I rolled seven turns of sleep for Shieldon so it wouldn’t be able to knock Lola out…
BTW, Dawson and Argus are supposed to be a Shout-out to Bonus Stage.
Chris – Rustboro City
Josh: I’m starting to see Team Coal as dangerously genre savvy.
Josh: You know how you had to deal with the Steel Sergeant and his level 10 Dialga?
Josh: And how Dawson and Argus JUST tried to ramp up the levels of the Petalburg Woods?
Josh: I’m starting to think they want to throw difficulty spikes our way so we can’t advance.
Chris: We, as in the other 13 trainers as well as me?
Josh: Yeah. Pretty sure that’s why Cherry leveled his Chikorita all the way to a level 100 Meganium just to beat the League. If he had to deal with this much, we’re gonna have to pave the way for the other twelve.
Josh: So, uh, am I the only one thinking Team Coal had to do with that Virizion attack?
Chris: Let me guess… it was meant to oust Roxanne so a Coal goon could masquerade as the second Gym Leader. If the Steel Sergeant was a part of Petalburg, then it’s no wonder why that place was reduced to rubble.
Josh: Well, at least we stopped Coal from usurping the second gym, right?
Gym Leader: Roxanne
Certified Trainer: Cherry
Chris: Looks like it.
Roxanne used the Virizion attack as an excuse to renovate the gym. There were now boulders littered everywhere, as well as some switches that could be used to move them. The general idea appeared to be “Carve out a path to Roxanne by using the switches”, but of course, we’d have to fight some trainers along the way. Such as…
Youngster Tommy: Hi Chris. Thanks for saving us yesterday, but I still gotta battle you.
He had two level 12 Geodudes. Easy.
Chris got 300 yen for winning!
(Between Icicle Fall, Flash Cannon, Absorb, and Confusion, there’s not a whole lot Geodude would be able to do to my team at this point.)
Hiker Marc: Heard about that attack yesterday. Bit of a shame Youngster Josh died.
Chris: If only something could’ve been done…
Marc: There are some things you just can’t reflect on for too long, though… for now, let’s see if you’re worthy of a battle with Roxanne
This guy had two level 12 Roggenrolas. It was a bit trickier since it was pure-Rock and had Sturdy, but Magnemite still prevailed.
Chris got 300 yen for winning!
Youngster Bobby: So you’re the kid that saved our bacon yesterday?
Chris: I may have helped, but I certainly didn’t save the day by myself.
Bobby: Oh? Well, let’s battle anyways!
I’m documenting this battle because it came out of left field.
Youngster Bobby wants to fight! (1 Pokémon)
Youngster Bobby sent out Archen! (Level 12)
Chris: The Pokédex app I use reports an abnormally high Attack stat for this… good luck, Josh! The foe’s Archen breaks the mold!
Josh: Good news is it gets halved by its ability if it drops below half life.
Josh: That’s not Defeatist! Josh went berserk!
Chris: Go nuts. I think we’re up against a Coal goon.
Josh: So basically, we arrived too late to prevent this. NOT COOL!
(I know, it sounds stupid, but I had to think of some way to trigger AIDA
Chris: Icicle Fall. Show no mercy.
Icicle Fall did 35 damage.
Bobby: It shouldn’t be able to outspeed you after a Rock Tomb!
the ground, and a bunch of rock walls practically JUMPED
out of the ground. Josh was knocked into the ceiling by them, but luckily, I was able to catch him before could hit the ground hard… that probably would’ve killed him.
Josh was hit for 52 damage!
Josh was knocked out!
Chris: Magnemite, Thunderbolt. This is for Josh.
Bobby: It’ll be for nothing once my Archen locks it in place with Rock Tomb!
Magnemite wasn’t sent flying this time, but it still took 8 damage and the rocks managed to impede it for a moment.
Magnemite is strong against Rock-type attacks.
Magnemite’s speed fell!
As for how it managed to aim at the offending Archen? It already levitates, so it flew upwards to get a good look at its target.
Chris: Again, this is for Josh.
Magnemite took one last look at Archen before obliterating it with a 101-damage Thunderbolt.
Chris: Don’t use a hacked Pokémon against a challenger. That’s not cool.
I didn’t even bother to check whether or not Archen was still alive. The illegal ability was blatant and had come out of nowhere.
Okay, yeah, that Archen didn’t last long because of Magnemite.
Hacked fight coming tomorrow.
Roxanne won’t be as blatant as the Steel Sergeant, but I’m still going to give her a slight buff via my mod tools. AIDA Berserk will be blanked out again, as will Icicle Fall and Spark Shock, but it probably won’t matter since I won’t be on the front line this time around.
Chris – Rustboro Gym
One round-trip to and from the Pokémon Center, and I was ready to fight Roxanne.
Gym Leader Roxanne: Let’s cut right to the chase. As a league-sanctioned gym leader, I accept your challenge.Gym Leader Roxanne wants to fight!
(3 Pokémon. No video this time, because this was too easy.)
Gym Leader Roxanne sent out Sudowoodo!
I already knew what my lead was going to be… Magnemite.
Roxanne: Isn’t it a bit too early for you to have that?
Chris: Try explaining that to the handful of Coal goons I had to fight just to get here.
Roxanne: So Team Coal’s around?
Chris: My Torchic came to the conclusion that they wanted Virizion to raze the gym just so they could replace it with something stupidly hard. I’m starting to think it would be a Ghost-type gym with a level 20 Giratina.
Roxanne: In that case, I’m glad you showed up yesterday.
Chris: So, uh, about this battle… Magnemite, Flash Cannon.
Roxanne: By any chance, did a Coal grunt drop that?
Chris: The Steel Sergeant took over the Fleurescent gym. I had to fight a level 10 Dialga to get that badge!
That statement put quite the look on her face. In the meantime, Magnemite’s Flash Cannon delivered a one-hit knockout.
Roxanne: Here comes a level 16 Nosepass.
Chris: Here comes another Flash Cannon.
It didn’t OHKO
this time. Nosepass ate an Oran Berry (somehow) for some HP recovery. It then tried to pursue Magnemite, but since the latter wasn’t going anywhere, the former could only do 2 damage.
Roxanne: Uh… that wasn’t the order I was gonna give you.Leader Roxanne used one Potion!
This allowed Nosepass to barely survive the next Flash Cannon, but Roxanne was already out of options. The Flash Cannon after that would knock Nosepass out.
Magnemite grew to level 15!
Roxanne: I made a trade with Roark to get this next Pokémon… Cranidos. Level 15.
It was faster than Magnemite, but only did 8 damage with Rock Tomb. Because Magnemite OHKO’d it with Flash Cannon, the speed drop was pointless.
Chris defeated Gym Leader Roxanne!
She had nothing to say about this… clearly, Magnemite had made the fight too easy.
Chris received 1500 yen for winning!
Roxanne: Well… this is the part where I give you your badge and TM.Chris received the Stone Badge from Roxanne!
Roxanne: Your level cap is now thirty and you’re now allowed to use Cut outside of battle.Chris received TM39!
Roxanne: TM39 contains Rock Tomb, which is guaranteed to reduce the speed of anything that survives it. The next gym should be in Dewford. If I were you, I’d try to beat Team Coal to it.
Wow, Magnemite screwed this gym over. I should’ve had to deal with something that would actually challenge me because of the level jump, but thanks to Venten’s ragequit a few posts back, all that difficulty went down the shitter.
Err, can I take the Tepig if nobody has taken it already?
Technically, sign-ups have been closed for weeks, but Squidward disappeared on us, so whatever. Go ahead… I’d take a look at the sign-up sheet, though.
Chris- Route 104
Something I remembered from my playthrough of Ruby was that Mr. Briney had to take the player character to and from Dewford so you could challenge Brawly and get his badge. When I went through Route 104, though, Mr. Briney’s cottage was nowhere to be seen. He must’ve moved after becoming the captain of the S.S. Tidal.
I flipped open my 3DS and looked up some news regarding Dewford Town… if I couldn’t get there, I wasn’t sure of what HM move I’d be missing out on until I got access to Surf. If it was something important, I’d be stuck.
…The Knuckle Badge gave trainers access to Strength. Okay, I think I can live without that HM.
Before I could consider what the next gym would be for me, I received a call.
Ruune: Ruune here. I received word from Roxanne that you got yourself the Stone Badge.
Chris: I’m guessing all Gym Leaders are given a 3DS?
Ruune: If they don’t already have one, yes. Anyways, I also heard you would be headed for Dewford, but rather than make you go to Slateport for that, I figured I could save you some time. I gave Mr. Briney a call, and he said he could take you to Dewford on the S.S. Torrent.
Chris: I’ve always wanted to see what the Torrent was like… I heard it was a perfectly good ship, shunned only by Smogonites because of an ability of the same name.
Ruune: Nice to know you’re not one of … them.
Chris: I’m not sure I have time to waste when Team Coal tried to oust Roxanne.
Chris: Fleurescent already had the Steel Sergeant masquerading as a gym leader. I wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted Virizion to raze Rustboro so they could take that too.
Ruune: The authorities will probably want to hear about this. As for the S.S. Torrent… it should be arriving in—
Ruune was cut off by the S.S. Torrent’s airhorn.
Ruune: …Uh, better make that fifteen seconds!
Chris: That drowned out your original estimate.
Ruune: I was going to say 15 minutes.
Chris: Oh, uh, okay.
Ruune: I’ll leave you to your voyage. Bye.
Chris – S.S. Torrent (To Dewford)
(Yep, I’m gonna update my location from now on. You can also expect me to attach songs I think are fitting.)
The interior of the Torrent would probably be best described as the SS Tidal, but with a second floor the same size as Tidal’s 1F, and 1F being about 50% bigger. I was told it would take a while to get to Dewford, as in “I could fight a few trainers and get some rest.” Given the fact that they out-right suggested a battle while I waited, I figured I’d visit my neighbor and see if they wanted to fight.
Sailor Bikke: Ahoy. Ye must be one ‘o th’ trainers headed fer Dewford.Irrelevant.
Sailor Bikke wants to fight! (2 Pokemon)
Chris: Uh… yes?
Bikke: I don’t suppose ye came in here lookin’ fer a battle, did ye?
Chris: If it’s too much trouble, I’ll leave you to … whatever you’re doing.
Bikke: ‘tis no trouble at all! I could be off fer a battle myself! Now don’t disappoint me, or ye’ll be sailin’ th’ plank before ye be knowin’ it!
Josh: Fun fact! Walking the plank was more of a movie thing than a realistic thing, as setting up a plank would likely seem like a waste of time.
Sailor Bikke sent out Garland! (Lombre, Level 16)
Josh: Two level edge over your own Lombre?
Josh: When Lola hit level 14, she evolved into Lombre. At this point, you can evolve it into Ludicolo by invoking the power of a Water Stone.
! I thought Lotad would evolve later than 14, so I didn’t note the evolution until I looked it up for use in Bikke’s party. Err… yeah, Lola’s evolution into Lombre was off-screened.)
Chris: Oh. So, uh, what do I use against Lombre?This is gonna be a problem if Josh gets involved too soon, isn’t it.
Josh: Poison, Flying, and Bug.
Chris: I have just the thing! Farore, Gust!
Bikke: Fry th’ wee birdie wit’ a Fire Punch!
The Lombre took one look at Farore, then one at its own arm, which suddenly combusted. It then slugged Farore with this flaming fist for 14 damage. Farore’s response was to flap its wings violently and blow Lombre back for … fifteen damage. I wasn’t sure this would bode well. By my math, Farore would be able to last one more turn. I forgot to factor in crits, though…
A critical hit!
Farore was knocked out!
Bikke: So, landlubber, what’s ye next pick?Good question. I can’t use Josh because he’ll either eat a 3x Water or lose his Leaf Vest. Magnemite will take 2x from Fire Punch. Lola’s two levels behind and might not be able to do enough damage with Nature Power, given we’re fighting in a ship. Tracer’s stats are gonna be bad until he evolves. Butterfree will take 2x from Fire Punch and has no STAB moves, although I probably could go with Sleep Powder.
Chris: Butterfree, Sleep Powder!
The shining, blue powder seemed to do the trick, but Lombre woke up immediately afterwards.
Bikke: HA! ye really thought that would set the sails against Garland? Now he’s gonna knock ye all below! Fire Punch!
Even though Butterfree survived, the results weren’t pretty. Early on in your journey, being on the receiving end of 29 damage isn’t going to be pretty.
Chris: Can I get you to try that again?Maybe… maybe.
Bikke: Ye predictable tactics gunna be th’ end ‘o ye!
For now, it worked… this time, Lombre didn’t wake up.
Bikke: Sheer dumb luck. I be still goin’ to sink ye!
Chris: We’ll see about that. Butterfree, thank you. I’ll let Josh take it from here.
Josh: When I’m through with you, every other word out of your mouth is gonna be glub.
Chris: Icicle Fall.
It’s 5 PP stronger than Spark Shock and Lombre doesn’t resist it.
Josh also managed to score a crit for 16 damage.
Chris: Icicle Fall again! I don’t know how long it’s gonna be asleep, but you’d might as well take advantage of it, right?Garland woke up!
Josh: Have at you.Apparently.
Bikke: Bikke: Cut th’ birdie below to size wit’ Fury Swipes!
Josh: THAT’S its response?
The Lombre proceeded to jump towards Josh and slash him twice.
Hit two times!
Bikke: …that be all?
Icicle Fall didn’t crit this time, so Lombre took 8 and was left with one hit point.
Bikke: Fury Swipes again! Don’t let that landlubber get another attack in.
Chris: Easier said than done.
For Fury Swipes to KO, it would need to hit four times, although a crit would count as two hits. The odds were not in Bikke’s favor…
Hit four times!
Josh was knocked out!
Chris: Crud. Butterfree, finish this with a Confusion attack.
Contrary to popular belief, it wasn’t easier said than done.
Garland was knocked out!
Bikke: If ye think ye’re gonna win just because ye sank Garland, though, ye’ve got another thin’ comin’. Leela, show them how ‘tis done! Sailor Bikke sent out Leela! (Milotic, level 16)
Suffice it to say that I knew I was in for a world of hurt.
Chris: Uhh… Sleep Powder?
If I had switched Lola in, she would’ve had to eat two attacks before landing even one. Butterfree, if you’re reading this… I’m sorry.
Surprisingly, Butterfree was able to get Sleep Powder in… except she missed.
Milotic whacked Butterfree with its tail so hard the poor butterfly was knocked into the wall. She was alive… but it still hurt.
Butterfree was knocked out!
Before I could bring in Lola, though, I noticed that Tracer was already present.
Tracer was dragged out!
Chris: Uh, what the heck just happened?Great. She’s gonna run me through my whole team before I can bring out Lola.
Bikke: Dragon Tail has th’ side effect ‘o removin’ a Pokemon from th’ battlefield ‘n replacin’ it wit’ a random Pokemon from ye belt.
Bikke: Now do it again… Dragon Tail!
Chris: Tracer, Headbutt!
Why did I bother with the command? I noticed that Dragon Tail took a while to set up, meaning Tracer could get an attack in. While it only did 7 damage, it managed to break Milotic’s concentration. She would have to start all over while Tracer could get another attack in.
This quickly became two free turns as Milotic flinched from a second Headbutt.
The third time was the charm for Milotic, though. It managed to get its attack going… except that it missed.
, I switch from dice to to Random.org for this part and Milotic gets horribly owned.)
Milotic’s fourth shot at this actually delivered results. Tracer was sent back to his Pokeball, and Lola was dragged out in his place.
I figured I would give Nature Power a shot against Milotic, if only because Absorb wouldn’t be able to put up numbers.
Nature Power became Tri Attack!
Tri Attack was a bunch of shots, invoking fire, ice, and lightning. For some reason, it wasn’t counted as any of those elements, but as Normal instead. (Damage calculation would probably be hell if it counted as a Fire/Ice/Elec hybrid attack.) In this case, it was 9 damage. Still a problem. It was at this point, however, that I remembered Magnemite could survive any one hit. With Milotic readying a Dragon Tail, I was hoping I could bring Magnemite in and finish with a Thunderbolt. Surely enough, Milotic’s Dragon Tail knocked Lola back into her Pokeball… and Magnemite was dragged out.
Chris: Bikke, consider this your final fantasy… Magnemite, Thunderbolt.Leela used Water Pulse!
Bikke: Leela, gift it somethin’ to drink.
Apparently, this meant spitting a … well, huge pulse of water … at the opponent. In this case, it was Magnemite. It did 29 damage, but it also seemed to short-circuit the Magnet Pokemon.
Bikke: Ye Magnemite seems to be confounded. ‘Tis lasts up to four turns ’n gives ye Pokemon coin-flip odds ’o hittin’ itself.CRUD!
Good news is… Magnemite didn’t hit itself. Instead, its wicked Thunderbolt did a whopping 45 damage to Milotic, knocking it out.
Chris defeated Sailor Bikke!
Bikke: Well then… that was quite th’ fight.Chris received 500 yen for winning!
Bikke: wit’ that kind ‘o skill, stoppin’ ye gunna be harrrd.
Lombre was another of those ‘Mons that got underestimated, so once Milotic showed up, I was a bit scared. TBH
I actually forgot about Magnemite’s Sturdy ability until after Lola was dragged out, but once it got its attack off, it basically saved the day. It’s way too early for me to have T-bolt. I’ll have to write it out of Magnemite’s moveset so I can replace it with the drastically weaker Spark Shock, because the numbers are a bit ridiculous.
Oh, and http://postlikeapirate.com/ was used to type up Bikke’s lines.
Also, I know Garland wasn’t a pirate, but he was from the same Final Fantasy game as Bikke.
Why are you still posting :P
I pretty much told myself that I wanted to keep this alive. I already offered to move this stuff to DA if you got sick of it.
Still regretting throwing a level 10 Dialga into the first friggin’ gym… at least I wrote him out of the script so newbies would instead face level seven commons.
Chris – S.S. Torrent (to Dewford)
Even after resting up (which patched up my team as well), the S.S. Torrent hadn’t arrived at Dewford. I checked one of the digital on-board maps, and it said we were about two thirds of the way there. I could probably get another battle in before we reached our destination.
Before I could open my door, a sudden bump (as if the ship had hit something) knocked me on my butt and sent Josh flying. He took five points of falling damage.
Chris: The heck was that?
Josh: My best guess would be someone boarding the ship.
A bit farfetched, but he probably thought about that because we just faced someone that looked like a pirate.
Surely enough, an alarm started to sound, and a digital map was replaced with an alert.
Sailor Dimitri: A Sand Grunt is attempting to board the ship! Passenger Chris will be given directions on how to access the panic room.
I ignored the instructions, knowing that if the Sand goon killed everyone on-board, it would include the crew trying to transport me to Dewford, so I’d might as well also be dead. I instead made my way to the bow. If they wanted me, they should know that I wasn’t gonna go without a fight.
Sailor Dimitri was surprised to see me, given the fact that I was just ordered to avoid this fight.
Chris: Let’s put it this way… I’ve got no way to pilot this ship if I’m the sole survivor.Sand Grunt Marusya wants to battle! (3 Pokemon)
Sand Grunt Marusya: So you’re choosing to fight me? Good choice. I can complete my mission faster.
Chris: How am I relevant to your mission anyways?
Marusya: Team Sand is dangerously genre savvy. We know that you kids have the right amount of skill to bring us down, so we’re going to kill you all before you can get your shit together.
Chris: GREAT. Team Coal wants to implement difficulty spikes and Team Sand wants to kill me. I’ll just have to fight you off.
Marusya: Die trying.
Sand Grunt Marusya sent out Blissey! (Level 13)
Chris: …am I reading this right?
Josh: Blissey has the highest base HP in the game.
Chris: Is that really an excuse for it to have 100 HP at level 13?
Josh: If you factor in HP EVs, yes. Luckily, it doesn’t get Softboiled until level 16.
Chris: So it can’t heal itself… nice. Try to burn it with Ember.
Josh: Can do.
No dice. Josh’s fireball did 9 damage and nothing more.
Marusya: Bulldoze it.
Apparently, this meant stomping Josh so hard he lost a stage of speed. Since he had a speed tie beforehand, this wasn’t good. Neither was the 12 points of damage that did.
Marusya: Now use Thunder Wave.
It sounded like a cool attack, but all it really did was throw a weak jolt of electricity at Josh. It flared up upon contact with Josh, though…
Josh was paralyzed! He might not be able to move.
Chris: You okay?
Josh: Paralysis knocks my speed down to a quarter of the original. I also face a 25% chance of losing my turn.
Chris: Uh, try to get an Ember in.
Josh: I swear, I’m gonna leave my mark…
Apparently not… another 9-damage hit with no burn.
Marusya: Don’t let it leave a mark. Drain Punch.
Josh: Luckily, Blissey’s Attack and Defense are trash; if they weren’t, Bulldoze would’ve done a LOT more damage than just 12.
Chris: It can’t cure a burn, can it?
Before Josh would get a shot at that, he’d have to withstand Blissey’s fist. Apparently, this was six damage.
Marusya: Really, Drain Punch is a placeholder for Softboiled. I wanted to get that move on there pronto, but they sent me on this mission before I could finish my grinding. Thanks for the three hit points though.
Okay, yeah, Drain Punch was overestimated. Josh’s Ember still resulted in a net loss of hit points. I’d want to make sure he stayed alive, though, so I sprayed him with a Potion.
Josh regained 20 HP!
Marusya: You should minimize that with another Bulldoze since Drain Punch isn’t going to do enough.
Another 12-damage stomp. I could already tell Josh was going to be outdamaged.
Chris: Josh, return! I’m bringing out Tracer!
Marusya: And Blissey is going to Bulldoze it.
Tracer took 5 damage and a speed loss.
Marusya: Now use Ice Beam.
Chris: QUICK! Headbutt it!
Not fast enough to avoid taking 21 damage, but at least he got his attack in: A 12-damage Headbutt.
I had to switch him out, though, as I couldn’t outheal and he would be KO’d next turn.
Chris: Okay, that’s not getting results either. Tracer, I’m gonna bring Lola in.Great.
Marusya: Thunder Wave.
Yep, Lola was paralyzed.
I think Nature Power is gonna be my best bet if I’m pitting Lola against this.
Chris: Lola, Nature Power!
Marusya: Ice Beam!
Ice Beam did 17 damage. Lola’s Nature Power once again became Tri-Attack… but it only did 6 damage.
Argh, no! I may have to just bring Butterfree in and hope Sleep Powder works.
The next turn was more of the same; another 17 and 6.
Chris: I’m sorry, Lola… Nature Power.
Marusya: Running out of options?
It seemed like it…
Lola was knocked out!
(Okay, screw this. It’s time for Big Damn Heroes time.)
Taric: Picking on the small fries, huh?Thanks for showing up, Taric, but why does the Torrent have a waypoint?
Marusya: You should know by now how dangerously genre-savvy Team Sand is. Rocket, Magma, Aqua, Galactic, and Plasma have all been stopped by child prodigies, so Sand has been ordered to kill these kids before they can build any momentum.
Taric sent out Amy! (Mawile, 15)
Taric: That’s terrible, and I think my Mawile has something to say about it.
Amy: Blech, more Sand goons. Chris, when’d you get their attention?Err, wouldn’t this play off of your quad-weakness?
Chris: I think Sand did some research… I hope I was their first target.
Amy: Uh, about that… I already heard about Cherry and his level 100 Meganium. Maybe you could hire him as a bodyguard or something?
Chris: I’m not actually sure he took the league challenge seriously since his other Pokemon were low-level HM slaves.
Amy: By the way, is Josh still alive?
Chris: Bad shape right now, but alive.
Amy: How bad is it?
Amy: Hey, Taric, mind if I give Josh my Cheri Berry?
Taric: Go right ahead… but afterwards, I want you to use Iron Head on Marusya’s Blissey.
Chris: Speaking of which, I thought difficulty spikes were Coal’s job.
Marusya: I figured two could play that game. Blissey, Drain Punch.
Amy: BRING IT ON! I know your Blissey has crap for Attack.
Surely enough, she took 16 damage from that. By comparison, Amy’s Iron Head did 33 damage.
Marusya: Great… Intimidate got in the way of a two hit kill. I’ll just have to hope for a crit! Drain Punch!
Amy: That’s not a very good gamble to make. I’ll just have to punish you for it with a second Iron Head!
Taric: Good thinking, Amy.
Surely enough, Blissey didn’t crit with Drain Punch. It did, however, give her enough HP to survive Amy’s second Iron Head.
Chris: One hit point. Seriously?
Marusya: Could’ve been worse. I could’ve barged in with a level 16 Blissey. This would give it more HP, and more importantly, Softboiled.
Chris: I’ll have my Butterfree finish her off.
Marusya: Son of a—
Cheating? Yes. But I wasn’t about to let Blissey kill Taric’s Mawile.
The foe’s Blissey was knocked out!
Amy: Thanks… I owe you one.
Chris: You’ve already seen too much… Why let them give you the same fate?
Marusya: Did you or did you not quit the battle?
Chris: I’ll jump back in. Josh, you ready?
Josh: Amy didn’t get the chance to give me her berry.
Amy: Oops! Sorry about that.
Once Amy gave it to him, though, he wasted no time in gulping it down.
Josh’s paralysis subsided.
Marusya: I can think of worse fates than paralysis. Furret, I think you should go hunting. Sand Grunt Marusya sent out Furret! (Male, Level 12)
Chris: Last time I saw a Furret, it used Surf to carry Marusya through Route 103’s river.
Marusya: So that’s how the officials were able to track me. Well, now I regret ignoring you back then.
Chris: Josh, try to paralyze it with Spark Shock.
Josh: Can do.
Marusya: Stop him in his tracks with a Surf.
Chris: Apparently you’re not getting your attack in.
34 damage was enough to knock him out.
Magnemite would be my next choice. Surely, Thunderbolt would do plenty of damage, right?
Marusya: Surf again. It doesn’t resist it!
While Surf did 18 damage, Thunderbolt did twice that. I had a problem on my hands, though… Surf was a 2HKO at this rate, and a Potion wouldn’t stop that. I’d have to bring Butterfree in.
Chris: Not enough… sorry, Magnemite, but I’m gonna have to switch you out.
Marusya: Whatever the replacement is, use Surf.
Butterfree fared better; 13 damage meant Surf couldn’t even 3HKO.
Chris: Great! Sleep Powder!
Nope. Butterfree was faster and Furret fell asleep.
Chris: Now you should be able to spam Confusion until it wakes up.
She liked that idea. Marusya? Not so much. Each Confusion did 10 damage… but Furret woke up after the second one. It appeared to be confused, though.
Marusya: Oh shit.
Marusya had a reason to be scared; her last order was Thunder, and if she took the hit…
Furret knocked itself out in its confusion!
…or Furret could just smack itself for 8 damage and faint. That works too.
Marusya sent out Lapras! (Female, Level 12)
Chris: More of the same. Sleep Powder while it’s awake, Confusion while it’s asleep.
Marusya: Don’t let it get that attack off. Ice Shard!
Lapras (telepathically): Consider it done.
Lapras spat a few chunks of ice at Butterfree for 18 damage.
We’re gonna need results, and quickly… wait, is that a Water subtype?
Lapras fell asleep!
Chris: Change of plan. I’m bringing Magnemite back in so it can T-bolt this.
Lapras: Zzz… Closed Kan… 4-man…
Once Magnemite was in, it was as simple as queuing up a Thunderbolt. It did not fail to deliver… 54 damage.
Lapras: Zzz… My comment question of the day is… what Pokemon do you fear the most?My biggest fear would probably be Giratina. Shadow Force means it can pop up from just about nowhere and its massive size means it could probably swallow an adult whole.
(For me, it’s Vileplume… friggin’ spores, AND THE DAMN
THING’S A CARNIVORE
Wait, Lapras is still alive?
Chris: It held on by two HP. Thunderbolt it again?
This time, Lapras was knocked out.
Marusya: And thwarted! I actually only bring 3 Pokemon at a time so if they’re confiscated, I don’t lose as much when – not if, WHEN – I escape.
Taric: And you plan on escaping how?
Marusya: We’re in open fucking water. What do you expect me to do?
With that, she jumped off the ship before anyone could grab her.
Amy: Err… maybe we should’ve seen that coming. Chris, you might want to get some rest… and I hope Josh survived that.
Chris: There’s a weak pulse. He’s alive.
I probably should’ve saved Blissey for the next time Team Coal tried to attack. That colossal HP means it can take a beating this early on. In fact, it looked like it would’ve cost me way too many ‘Mons if it didn’t out-right sweep me, so I DEM’d Taric in.
It’s probably the first time I’ve actually had to back out of one of these fights!