Dungeon Dweller [Game Thread]

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R4L.

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Briefing

Once upon a time, there was this empire, the Mighty Empire of Good. Everyone lived happily and, in Fortress of Righteousness, lived the mighty, old and fat king: Lord Jacob Fatums. He was married to the Queen Mary Royal-Fatums, and his daughter, the princess, was the young and gorgeous (And not fat, just in case) princess Carmen Fatums. Everyone loved them, and they took care of everyone.
Obviously, that “Everyone” excluded the evil creatures that reside in the Dungeon of Evil™, owned by The Keeper. This dungeon is located below the Mighty Empire of Good (From now refferenced as MEG). In there, The Keeper leads an army of evil creatures agains several towns of MEG, but many of these fail due to the increasing amount of heroes, although most of them die or get captured. Heroes are not what they used to be, sadly…
ANYWAY, the struggle between MEG and the Dungeon of Evil™(From now refferenced as DE) is still going on and doesn’t seems to be ending soon, so the creatures of the DE are looking for new ways to entertain themselves.
This is the story of the creatures of the DE, between attacks to helpless villages and other evil stuff…

 
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Somewhere below the ground.

Stomp!

“Next!” A femenine voice says.

A human secretary looking woman is behind a desk, with a pile of sheets of paper both on the left and the right, the difference between on and another being that the forms on the right one have already been filled by the minions of the DE and sealed by the pale secretary. The room is quite big, and the desk is at the very end of it, the rest of it filled by benches occupied by all kind of creatures, filling out the forms. For some reason, The Keeper thought that the dungeon would be best organized if he knew who is actually residing down there, so he ordered every single one of his minions to go to that room and fill those papers. Bureaucracy is an evil that affects every side.

“Yes, I know that you’re a mighty and powerful vampire lord, but you still have to fill those forms. Now, please, go and sit down.” said the secretary.

Delilah was a 165 centimeter(5’4 feet) tall pale woman, with a long jet black hair. She had big green eyes, used glasses and always wore teal buttoned blouse below a light-grey business suit and a black office skirt. She had a slender, slightly busty build and was getting tired of all these creatures complaining or asking for a pen. At least some of them where decent enough to fill the papers accordingly. Good or evil, when you must fill the form, you fill the form. And there where still missing many creatures here. She sighed and looked at the wooden double door. It was big enough for two average sized dragons to pass with no problem one on the top of another. Her day was long to over. After the form filling was done, she had to carry it to the central room and file it. She took a long sip of a brown, hot liquid from a mug. She didn’t cared about good or bad, she just wanted to get the job done. And she secretly thanks whoever figured out that this plant could be useful to keep someone awake for a long time when smashed and turned into dust, then poured into boiling water.

[This is the starting point. Every character is or in here, or coming here, filling their forms. And welcome Delilah, our first NPC. But still, Bureaucracy is a bitch.]

[Games have officially started. You may post now]

 
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Sodius
I walk into the room and pick up a waterproof paper at the desk near the back. I then find a pen rolling around on the floor and start filling it in: bureaucracy is a necessary evil.

 
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Leia

“I can’t believe I’m here, doing this out of all things…” My own voice sounded rather odd to me, more than likely due to the fact that I was stuck on this physical plane for the time being. But I couldn’t complain too much…since I was being punished for someone else’s wrongdoings, others would suffer alongside me as well. It was only fair, honestly.

Well, at least this is done.

I look over the form, reading what I had written down in latin and wondering whether that earthly woman would understand. It didn’t matter to me all that much, really. No one specified any requirements, much less give thorough instructions on how we were supposed to complete the task. It seems some of these creatures, more specifically that woman, loved nothing more than being ambiguous. Seriously, her job can’t be that hard.

“Here you go,” I say, placing the form on her desk with a firm palm pressing against it. I smile to be polite, but that’s the only reason. She didn’t want to be here, that much I could tell, and the same could be said for me only if such feeling is multiplied tenfold. “Am I all done here?”

 
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Augustus Dornan

I kick open the door and march up to the form. Finding no spare pen, I decided to decapitate a nearby creature who had a pen and use his pen. Then I start filling out the form. When it said “Religion”, I just wrote “Chaos”. After filling it out, I hand in the form to the woman at the desk.

 
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Jaq
Sigh. Bureaucracy – namely, keeping track of people through forms. I’m reasonably sure it was one of the few things we had over the so-called Mighty Empire of Good; if you had stuff, it was because you were either a fantastic diplomat or a powerful S.O.B., and at a certain power level, you may as well be either a ruler-type being or a wandering nomad. And now we don’t even have that. Or maybe we never had that, and the reason my family kept hold of its fortune was because nobody dared invoke bureaucratic wrath upon themselves. Either way, we have to all be logged now, which will take a royally long time. Or not that long, but still pretty excessive. I mean, I’ve been in this queue for a couple of hours now, and even that’s impressive, considering the sheer number of creatures in the Dungeon as a whole. Anyways, I’m nearly at the front desk now; I’ve been amusing myself by mentally undressing some of the more attractive individuals in the room. In particular, a very pretty fallen angel at the front desk has caught my eye recently; I feel I should get to know her soon. And by “get to know her”, I mean “seduce and fuck, then possibly get to know her”. Or possibly vice versa, all things considered; I’m guessing she has high standards, on the grounds of her being a fallen angel. They usually do. Point is, if I want to do anything to her oh woah that human just smashed his way in and killed a guy. Well, an imp; I don’t really know if those have their own sexes, but I assume so. Regardless, the imp getting killed means that there’s now nobody in front of me; and because I’m not useless and stupid, I brought my own pen with which to write out this form. Which… might take a while. I’ll have to pay attention to see if the fallen angel leaves before I’m finished writing the form out. Can’t miss an opportunity like that.

 
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Isaac

Paper work is the stuffs of life, I thought, as I walked over to the table where I would use one of the pens to scribble on this sheet of paper while admiring the statue of the Keeper in front of the giant hearth eating meat. Erm, What? Something about a heart eating Chicken. Oh, the Heart better not be eating chicken. I sat down next to the wall, and a dangerous looking imp who didn’t look dangerous at all except for the little necklace around his neck that seems to be made of imp. The seat itself, however, was slightly made of wood that was too dead. I prefer my chairs made out of real stone. More comfortable.

The paperwork was rather dull, There was too little origami. TO make up for this, after I finished the work, I folded up the sheet of paper into 87 little segments, and dropped it onto the desk of the person who told me that I had to fill it out. I hoped that she could read my writing. It isn’t like everyone around here can speak AND read English. I mean most evil-doers around here don’t even practice magic. That orc I ran into didn’t even swing his hammer right. How did he make it here?

Anyways, I was just about to turn around and walk away from the table when I noticed that in the far corner of it was Lobster, labeled with “Free to eat”, and I just could not hear them calling from this far away. I needed to hear them, but this slightly taller-than-me pale blond winged thing in robes (Oh, yeah, they’re called fallen angels) was blocking my path. I needed to get her attention away from the lobster so that I may have it. I decided to speak up “Hellllooooooo, Erm, you seem to be blocking my path the the nice shellfi—”. My facial expression went plop from there.

I looked between the Angel in front of me and the demon now on my left to see if they had caught my blunder.

 
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Sodius
I walk up to the front desk and hand in my papers. Whilst I was writing an orc had burst in and a very awkward situation had arisen between three guys at the front desk so I just queued up behind them and hope that no one would notice my name.

 
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Jrek Gnorl
Jrek shoves a couple of people out of the way and hands the lady his application, after sitting at the bench with a red marker for two hours.

WHEN JREK START, WOMAN?”
He looks around impatiently. Filling out the sheet has apparently put him in a bad mood.
Jrek notices some fallen angels nearby, one of whom takes a slight glance at his insanely heavy Warhammer.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOK AT? ARE YOU NOT LIKE WARHAMMER?” he says, aggression clear in his voice.

Originally posted by thedude0:

Sodius
an orc had burst in

(Are you a wizard?)

 
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Augustus

I decide to take the imp corpse and cut it up to make me some rations. Then, having stored the giblets in my pack, I sat down on a bench and started waiting for something to happen.

 
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Isaac

The orc had burst in just as the other fallen angel would have given to me her answer which may or may not have allowed me to eat shellfish. I really dislike big stupid hulking hulks of things. He seems to scream at me some badly garbled English, and by the red markings on his sign up sheet, I can take that he is not very intelligent. I decide to have some mindful fun at his expense.

I quickly dim the light in the area between us, creating a very ominous shadowy veil around me. I fluff out my wings to make myself seem larger. I then cast a 7m tall shadow of myself above me, so that it seems like there is a demon behind me. Then, using the illusion of sound, I use the shadow to scream, in the same tone “I ARE LOOKING AT HAMMER! DO HAVE PROBLEM YOU??”. I hope that the orc does not notice the slight wavering of my real body, that spell requires energy!

 
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Augustus

I looked up when I heard “…AT HAMMER! DO HAVE PROBLEM YOU??”. I noticed a ominous shadowy veil surrounding someone…or something from the looks of it. “I SMELL MAGIC FAGGOTRY! AND THIS MAGIC FAGGOTRY ISN’T DARK GOD MAGIC!” I shouted aloud. Then I charged towards the shadowy veil.

 
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Jrek Gnorl
Jrek screams something incomprehensible and lifts his hammer above his head, charging directly at the illusion of Issac. He brings it down with tremendous force directly where Issac would have been standing, enough to smash the Shellfish table in half and crack the floor.
YOU DIE FOR INSULT ORC CULTURE! NO ONE INSULT ORC CULTURE!”
Jrek has apparently been aggravated into a rage. Once the illusion dissipates, he starts wildly swinging his hammer around the table in powerful strikes, attempting to hit Issac. In reality, this ends up with Goblin entrails all over the broken shellfish table.

Worse, the loud voices of Orcs can been heard nearby- in all likelihood, Jrek’s War party. That’s seven half-retarded warrior Orcs coming near their leader in a Battle Frenzy.
Someone should probably do something about this before it gets really fucked up.

 
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Isaac

I see what the pretty predictable response to the illusion, but I didn’t see the war party or the blathering idiot in the corner. I don’t really want to fight them, but if I don’t think of something fast, I might have t-.

I conjure an illusion of the orc war leader and I take off in flight. I send the illusion towards the war-band, and have him run off in the direction opposite the fight. Hopefully that buys some time. I also dedicate myself to remembering the shellfish.

 
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Luke
I look up from the form I had been working on collectively for 3 minutes, distracted by the squabble of several fellas who had been filling out paperwork for two hours.
“Would you all shut up? It’s bad enough I have to fill out this stupid form, I don’t want to listen to listen to you idiots!”

 
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Delilah

Suddenly, she stands up and slams her hands in the desk, shouting.

“Everyone! If you’re going to make a mess and kill each other, please do it outside this room! I will not let you two ruin all these papers just because you want to know who’s got the- No, sir, that’s not candy, that’s a pen- bigger wang!”

Some of the creatures in the room silently walked away. They might be big, bad and scary, but Delilah is the only one who ever scolded The Keeper when he dropped wine on all her work. The Keeper didn’t show his face for some months.

 
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Oriana
I look up from the book that I am reading.
“Good I almost thought that I would have to raise my voice. Is it not enough that I have to be surrounded by peasants let alone about have of them have to be piss stained berserkers who go into a blind rage when their pride is the least bit dented.”
One of my servants walks up to me with a quill and paper.
“We are done with our papers shall we start on yours?”
I nod and say “Sure lets get to it”
“Date of Birth?”
“August Sixteenth 1679”
The servant begins to ask me more questions and write the answers down on the form because I can’t be bother to lift my hand to write.

 
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Augustus

Did that vampire woman just insult my people? I walked up to her. “Not all of my kind are piss-stained madmen. Now what’s going to stop me from stabbing you with an imp’s spine?” I asked the vampire.

 
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Oriana
Hmmm I don’t want to cause a scene and I wore an extravagant dress encase I ran into any higher ranking vampires and I would just hate to ruin it with blood. Intimidation won’t work knowing that these brutes think very highly of themselves. Diplomacy won’t work on this savage. So I decide to appeal to his sense of greed.
“I would say the fondness of a person wanting to keep all their blood in their body but I wouldn’t want to get any on my dress and I’m pretty sure the nice woman at the front already has enough trouble as it is. Also you seem not to think of me as any threat so i won’t bother with threats seeing as they won’t affect you. So let’s offer about one eight of the dresses price. that should keep you busy”
I nod to another one one of my servants to hand me a pouch.
“This is about 800 gold Now go fetch” I say as throw the pouch outside the door.

 
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Isaac

Causing scenes is just hilarious. I love watching them from above, seeing the panic and frith go about. As I commit some of this panic to memory, I begin to wonder where there might be more shellfish, I would like to get my hands on some. Maybe that heart eating chicken had some over by the wall of tables? Well, it was worth a try, after all of this pandemonium. Aaaaahhhhh, pandas.

 
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Skordar
I cause a filled-out form to drift slowly in front of the woman at the desk. After making certain that she notices the papers, I turn to quietly find a place to wait.
My attention is swiftly brought to a fight that has broken out amidst the other applicants. Hopefully, they don’t kill each other, I hate it when they kill each other. I proceed to slowly approach the scene, clutching the locket around my neck. “Lord, I pray you keep your end of our bargain.” I chant silently.

 
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Augustus

“Fuck your money. Gold is worthless.” I said as I walked away. I happened to glance up, and see a fallen angel. “You’re not fooling anyone, pussy!” I shouted.

 
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Jrek Gnorl
Jrek attempts to punch his mirror image, dissipating it. Since the rest of the scene has quieted down and the original fallen angel is gone, the rest of Jrek’s Warparty barge to the front of the line and basically throw their scribbled-on papers at Delilah. They’re even harder to read then Jrek’s. The pinkskin started arguing with some vampire.
JREK HATE BLOODLEECH.” Jrek says, in the most normal and not-shouting voice he can muster. The warparty grunts in agreement, and sits down at the bench. The huge figures of the Orc Warriors and their weapons take up twelve chairs. Jrek surveys the scene, staring angrily at anyone that looks at him until they avert their eyes. The orc-marked MEG commander’’s pauldron marks Jrek clearly as the leader of the warband. Jrek starts making racecar noises.

 
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Oriana
Surprised by multiple things. That the barbarian did not want the money, the fact that he completely forgot his threat to me, and the fact that the entire warband of orcs did not notice a bag of gold just outside the door. I gesture for the same servant who handed me the gold to go retrieve it. No use in wasting that kind of money. the other servant begins to ask me the last of the questions for the form.
(This is enough RP for today I’m going to bed see you all tomorrow)