[Story] Insanity

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A sudden rumbling noise awoke Pandora. She sat up. Darkness surrounded her, and for a moment she forgot where she was. She quickly remembered though. Last week ago, a sudden tremor had shaken her small village of Nathski. A few hunters who had been out in the woods at the time had seen a mudslide come down the face of one of the mountains. When some had gone up to investigate, a cave was discovered. They had come back to the village and informed everyone. The next day, the village spirit man had told the people not to go near the cave; that it had an evil presence about it.

Pandora was a trader, and had been in the village at the time. She had had a dream that night, about an ancient treasure in the cave. She had decided to come up into the cave, in hopes there might be something after all. It had taken nearly all of yesterday to climb the mountain and enter the cave. However, she had had no luck; after several hours of walking through the cave, she had reached the end. She had decided to rest there, and head back in the morning.

Pandora sat up as the rumbling stopped. She searched with her hands in the pitch-dark cave, looking for her lamp. Her hands grasped it, and she turned the knob. The cave suddenly illuminated with a bright light, nearly blinding her. She shielded her eyes, and looked around. The light showed much of the tunnel, but the darkness was too thick further off. She looked down both ends of the tunnel and, seeing nothing, decided she should start packing. As she placed her blanket in her backpack, she realized something. Last night, she had been at the end of the tunnel… but now it extended in either direction. She scrambled to finish packing, and then picked up her lamp and rushed into the newly uncovered passage.

After about an hour of running, the tunnel widened, and finally opened, into a large cavern. Her light was bright, but the cavern was so large that she couldn’t even see the other side. She looked around, and noticed that a small walkway protruded from the stone and led down. She began to follow it, hoping she had finally hit the jackpot. The walkway continued all the way around the chamber, and by the time she wasn’t sure whether she had even reached the other side yet. The slope of the walkway was very slight, and the lamp did not show the ground, so she realized it might be a while till she reached the ground.

As she continued, she noticed that up ahead, it appeared that the walkway abruptly cut off, ending in inky blackness. When she reached the end, she looked over the ledge, using her lamp to see. Nothing but darkness was beneath her. “Damn.” she muttered.

She knew that there must be something in this cavern… the walkway she was on was man-made. She felt on the ground, and found a stone. She tossed it into the darkness. The noise of its impact didn’t come. She had a sudden idea, and set her lamp down. She opened her backpack and pulled out a rope. She had come prepared for this. She tied the rope around the handle of the lamp, and began to lower it. All of the sudden, less than a foot down, it disappeared.

She gasped in surprise, and began to pull the rope. Almost immediately it reappeared. She lowered it slightly again, and it disappeared. She continued to lower it, when the weight on the rope stopped. She pulled it up, hoping she hadn’t lost it. But it was still attached. She lowered it again, this time in a different spot. After disappearing again, the rope began to get slack. Almost as if it the lamp were resting on the ledge. But how would that be possible… She suddenly realized, and cursed at her stupidity. It must be magic of some sort. She had seen magic in several of the cities she lived, but had never seen anything magical in the wild.

She pulled the lamp back up and placed the rope in her backpack. Part of her told her just to leave, to go back to the village and get the rest of her stuff. But the dream… She lowered herself down into the darkness. Pandora was quite tall, and she soon touched the ground. She looked up to reach for her lamp, but could not see anything above her. She realized a veil of sorts had been put in place, to keep out lowly thieves. She was smarter than that though. She felt around for the ledge, and soon found it. Her fingers grasped the lamp, and she pulled it down. As soon as it passed through the veil, she turned towards the center of the cave… She gasped again…

A large pile of gold sat in the center. She slowly approached in awe. The closer she got, the more of the gold the lamp illuminated. The pile was huge. When she reached it, she noticed a gap in between the gold. She began to follow it, realizing it was taking her through the treasure. All around her were gold and treasures, but she knew the best thing would be in the center. She finally reached it, to find a black pedestal sitting in a small clearing. On top of it was an old jar of sorts… Something inside her told her to leave, to run while she still could. She ignored it. For some reason, the only thing she wanted was the jar… not the gold, but the jar. She almost laughed, around her was more gold than she had ever seen. More than anyone had probably seen save the kings and queens. But the jar… She stepped up and touched it. It was cold to the touch, but almost immediately began warming up. She set down her lamp and put both hands on it. She lifted it off the pedestal. Almost immediately, the mountain began shaking again. This time though, it didn’t stop. She pulled her backpack, slipped the vase inside, grabbed her lamp, and ran. When she reached the place where she had dropped down, she noticed the veil was gone. She reached up, grabbed the ledge, and began running.

Rocks began to fall all around her; she could hear larger ones striking the ground. She knew she wasn’t going to make it; she was too far from the tunnel. But she reached the tunnel faster than she thought she would, and rushed down it. Behind her, rocks fell, blocking the way back in to the cavern. The shaking didn’t stop. She ran as fast as she could as the small tunnel began to collapse. Suddenly, she saw light ahead. Rocks began to fall though, blocking the entrance. She had mere seconds before she would be trapped. She ran faster than she ever had. She leapt through the hole near the top just as the last rocks fell. She flew through the air a few feet, the lamp slipping out of her hand, before hitting the ground. She began to roll down the mountain, unable to stop herself. Up ahead, a large boulder rested on the side. She closed her eyes, knowing it should shatter her bones once she struck it. She felt herself smash into it… but there was no pain. She opened her eyes and realized the shaking had stopped. She felt the side of her that had struck the rock. She didn’t feel anything broken; in fact she seemed perfectly fine. She sat up, wondering the weird luck that had occurred. She noticed the sun was nearly down, and decided she could think that over once she got back to the village. She didn’t want to spend another night on this mountain. She stood up and began to walk back…

[This is the prologue to my next game, which is the prologue to WWW LIFE. Please rate 1-5. Also, I know it will be a while until Quarantine is over. However, this story is going to be quite large until it comes to the point where the game will begin. But yeah, please review and rate!]

 
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As Pandora lie in bed, she began to wonder about the days events… So much had happened in such a short amount of time. She still didn’t understand how she had managed to escape the tunnel as fast as she had. It had taken her hours to get in, but it took less than one to get out. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She hadn’t gotten much, she had kept waking up. She decided to take some herbs from her bag that she had been trading. One of the villagers here had sleeping problems, so every time she stopped here she would sell him some calming herbs. She heated a pot of tea over a small fire and added the herbs. When the tea was ready, she put out the fire and began to sip it. She saw her backpack leaning against the wall, the jar still in it. She decided that tomorrow she would look it over; try to find any markings to tell its age. When the tea was finished, she lay back in bed and closed her eyes.

Pandora opened her eyes. She couldn’t see anything. Darkness surrounded her. She sat up in the darkness, and put her hands out; feeling for something, anything. Her hands touched something cold and slimy. She pulled her hands back in disgust. Suddenly, a bright light turned on in the distance. She turned towards it, and began to walk. She heard a sudden whisper. “Open it.”

She turned towards the voice, but couldn’t see anything. “Who’s there?” she said, trying not to show her fear in her voice.

The only response was more whispers. They began coming from different directions at the same time. She ran towards the light, but the faster she ran, the further away it appeared. The whispering was coming from all around her now. “What do you want!” She yelled.

The whispers continued.

She awoke, panting. She was covered in sweat. She threw her blanket off and sat up. The sun was just beginning to rise. Her head ached, and she could still her the voices. She sat in her bed and decided that the herbs had simply given her a nightmare. She grabbed a bucket full of water and dumped it into a tub. She took the bucket outside and filled it several more times from a nearby lake. When she was done, she undressed, and stepped into the tub. The water was icy, but it woke her up. The whispers had stopped. She began to wash the sweat of herself.

When she was done, she put on some more comfortable clothes and then stepped outside. The house she was staying in was a little ways off from the village; it was used as an inn of sorts. She stepped back inside, grabbed her bag of goods, and headed off towards the village.

 
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Story goes in the OT.

 
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[Well this story is related to a future Forum Game, so it goes here. We’ve already agreed on that. Anyone want to rate it???]

 
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The first, a 8/10, the second, a 9/10

 
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[Thank you for rating it! I’ll post the next ‘part’ soon.]

 
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As Pandora wandered into town, she realized she would need to be leaving soon. She had to get to Westuvern soon. It was a major town just on the other side of the mountains. It would soon be winter and the pass through the mountains would be impassible. She decided that when she got back she would pack up and leave in the morning. She spent the day selling some good, and made some nice coin. She bought a couple chicken legs and an apple for dinner. She went home later in the day and gave the apple to Ginny, her horse. The chicken was slightly cold, so she ate it quickly. She packed her few things into her backpack and then got into bed.

She awoke again with a scream in her mouth. She had had the same dream as last night…. only she hadn’t had any of the sleeping herbs. She decided she would ask a healer in Westuvern. It was just early morning, the sun was just barely coming through the window. She sat up and reached for her pack, only to notice that the jar was sitting right next to it. She hadn’t remembered taking it out the night before, but she must have. She placed the jar back into her pack and gathered up ther rest of her things. She placed the pack on her back and got onto her horse. She didn’t use a saddle, as she didn’t need one. She had more or less grown up with Ginny, and they had a deep bond. She had enough supplies to last her for a few days, but she would need to hunt and gather in the mountains to get most of her food. Luckily, she was good with her bow. She clicked to Ginny and started off. They rode off in the first rays of dawn towards the pass.

 
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Too long; Reading Later.

 
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OK. This is what i think….

Part 1- 4/10. Overload on description, too fast paced, and confusing. One minute shes in a house, the next rocks are falling around her. Too long.
Part 2- 2/10- Too fast paced, hardly anything that gives you an idea of what the storys meant to be about. The length is just right.
Part 3- Too fast paced, too short, Once again, description overload. Boring.

 
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Well, thanks for the constructive criticism. And yeah, I know they aren’t very good. I honestly don’t care too much, as I’m just happy I’m writing again. They’ll get back to their old ways soon enough. And most of these were thrown together in 5-10 minutes, so there isn’t much effort put into them. But like I said, thanks for realistically reviewing them.

Also, you claim that several parts are description overloads. Well, I wouldn’t call that boring. I would call that actual real life things. Honestly, super amazing exciting stuff doesn’t happen all the time. That would be boring. And there’s only supposed to be small hints about what the story is about. You’re only supposed to know as much as Pandora, minus the whole if she opens it she dies thing. And part one, she isn’t in a house… So I don’t know if you maybe got confused?

 
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2 words.

TOO.
LONG.

 
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If you don’t plan on reading it, don’t post. Also, most stories are long.

 
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I guess you’ve seen Avatar.

 
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Originally posted by Flyingman_junior:

I guess you’ve seen Avatar.

The hell are you talking about? I fail to see any reference to Avatar in this.

 
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so I can also, make a story, and post it here. Sweet!

 
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Yeah, I don’t see a reference either. Unless he means the name Pandora. In which case, my only response it this: Learn 2 Greek Mythology.

Also, I will post another ‘chapter’ in an hour or so. Helping my dad set up a DVD player…

 
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[Sorry about that. After we set up the DVD player, we assembled a couple of guns and cleaned another. Anyways, here’s another post.]

As Pandora sat around the fire, she listened to the sounds of the woods over the crackle of the fire. Ginny was about thirty feet away, in a small clearing amongst the trees. Pandora has decided to set up camp in the trees right next to the clearing. She hadn’t wanted the smoke to blow up through the clearing. There were things in these woods that were very smart at hunting. As she sat there, she decided to take out the jar and look at it closer. She pulled it out and put it up to the fire. There were bands around the jar… and some weird etchings in the band. Other than that, the jar was pitch black. As she sat there staring into its inky depths, she had the sudden desire to open it. She slid her hand to the seal at the top, and began to pull. A sudden screech in the night brought her out of the trance. She looked around. She could just make out the sound of something running over the sound of the fire. It began to get louder, and she realized it was coming towards her. She jumped up, slipped the jar in her backpack, and ran for Ginny.

As she was running through the trees, she tripped over an exposed root. She quickly scrambled to her feet, but she could hear the thing much closer now. The clearing was but a few feet away from the clearing, and yet it felt like miles. She broke out through the trees and ran towards Ginny. In the pale moonlight, she could see the horse turn its head up towards her. It suddenly froze, as if in fear. Pandora didn’t want to turn around to see whatever was behind her. She jumped up onto Ginny, who took off without her even telling her to. As they ran through the trees, she turned back. Whatever was chasing her was gone… For now.