Live, Die, Die Live and Die. page 88

You can’t. So i die. YAY!

Then i die in Heaven. I die in Super Heaven, too.

Please do mine again.

evaporated the hole ocean to keep you alive

i get ran over by a tank and razor fishes me off if i’m still not dead

I go in a time-machine and tell you to go somewhere else instead so you don’t get run over.

I teleport to a black hole.

the black hole dos’t kill it sends people to other reaches of the universe and it sends you to a paddling pool with no water

after posting this i hang myself as no one is looking at it http://www.kongregate.com/forums/2-off-topic/topics/302611-best-of-the-best-2012-semi-finals

I travel back in time and tell you I looked at it.

I drink every poison.

I induce vomiting and pump your stomach. also give you antidotes.
I anger a mob of communist elephants and get trampled while being shot by them.

I change their bullet into healing mode and it regen you before the trample kill you.
I give my lifeforce into the bullet.

I give you new lifeforce.

I walk into a gym and tell the biggest guy there that i was with his mother last night.

The guy from the gym recently became divorced from his wife, making him stare at you in confusion.

I unstabilize the stabilized black hole in a Portal gun in an area where time travel only rewinds time by a single second, and makes time machines take 2 seconds to work.

I step out of the corner, awaiting your appointed arrival as told by the black hole that spends in the alternative future. I stoot the portal gun out of your hand. Thus, saving the world, I am done here.

I go on a rocket to the sun, which has no additional thrusters/obsticals.

I reprogram the rocket to make a safe return to Earth.

I eat a nuclear reactor… somehow. I’m getting radiation poisoning from several different radioactive elements, anyway.

I encase your stomach in lead, give you an antidote to lead poisoning, and reverse the elements in the reactor to grow slowly, instead of decaying. I then give you a SUPER laxative, causing you to release the reactor, and I outlaw all fission, because I have just discovered cold fusion.

I anger the leaders of every mafia, and insult each of the masters in the few assassin organizations left.

It may sound extremely weird but….I’ll just..make you….

…..APOLOGIZE!
Haha, didn’t see that coming, did you!? Well, neither did they. And it worked due to 10x surprise crit hit multiplier.

Anyway, I lock myself in a cage with horny male gorilla. I get so scared that I swallow the key. It was the only key in the world that could open the cage. Oh, and the cage is actually inside a steel cargo container that just got dropped from a helicopter somewhere above Atlantic ocean. I can feel the water pressure slowly crushing the walls. And the gorilla grabs dick.
What now?

The gorilla releases your dick, and dies as it had eaten something poisonous earlier. The steel cargo container’s lock, after years of waiting, finally becomes loose and you get out of the water, and swim to the nearest land. You have survived.

I take a knife and am about to stab myself with it, piercing my heart, in 5 seconds.

I slap you, then you throw the knife away and survive.

I run into said knife, inevitably destroying my head.

Too bad for you! I call an ambulance. You survive but you are brain-damaged and paralyzed for the rest of your life.

I got run over by the ambulance though.

you don’t die and the paramedics save you

i let terror-hurts, hypno disk and razor on myself to kill me

I use my witchcraft to stop anything from killing you

I ride for days and days into a desert on camels and then shoot myself in hopes of nobody ever finding me ever again.

As you fall, your horse lets out a terrible whinny, which summons a nearby helicopter. In the confusion you shoot yourself in the arm. The bullet goes through and
hits me..

I use first aid and emergency surgery to remove the bullet from your foot.

I use a chainsaw to cut my own neck.

The chainsaw was just a prop and couldn’t kill anyone.
I beat myself to death with a Nintendo DS.

Your mother takes your DS away before you die.

I swallow an electric eel whole.

I turn it into air making a breeze for you.
I jump off a cliff filled with spikes on the bottum of it

It turns out the electric eel was dead, and unable to kill you. You therefore enjoy fresh electric eel.

I drink every poison known to man, making sure it is impossible for anyone to see me in the process, then sew my mouth shut. The sew requires a complex knot only I know how to untangle, and I handcuff myself.