Live, Die, Die Live and Die. page 91

you get stepped on by a fly.

I steal some nuclear stuff from lybian terrorists to build a time machine! (see what I did there?)

Luckily you have a kevlar so, when they shoot you, you don’t die

I drink a poison with no antidote

I go back in time and steal your poison before you can drink it… and I AM THE ONE WITH THE TIME MACHINE!

Oh and I drink your poison, thinking it’s apple juice.

You drank so much poison that you’re immune to it LULZ

I shoot myself.

It was really apple juice the entire time.

I jump into a dragon’s mouth

I am your feet, and I back away, making you spill your poison on the base of the machine.

I cut myself off of you, then jump into the no-longer-closed-for-maintenance Pit of Death.

Edit: Was ninja’d

You splat the dragon… fly.And you land in water, forgetting that this is minecraft

I shoot myself again

SO MANY NINJAS!!! They’re so fast they’re almost invisible and save everyone and kill me… NINJA!

Originally posted by FG20:

SO MANY NINJAS!!! They’re so fast they’re almost invisible and save everyone and kill me… NINJA!

fail

You miss because your accuracy is -88888.

I shrink myself to nothing.

You actually grow, as B.P.Nothing is a basketball player

You forgot to kill yourself. I shall respond to efar.
That is not possible. Since your skin cells are too close, they stop getting closer. Bahaha
I throw my heart into a pit of battery acid.

it was only your metaphorical heart and you are now like Scrooge only without ghosts

I bury myself under 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 pounds of dirt

Too many 9’s. Action could not be completed

I stab myself with scissors

they are blunt and don’t even pierce the skin
i jump into a pit of lava with a gravity feild around it so anyone that follows me will fall in too

I throw a net in before you jump, so you are caught. I pull you up into a safe place.
I jump into the same pit of lava before anyone can emulate me.

the lava is’t lava it is red water which can’t hurt you

i get a tank to run me over and let razor finish me off

You are run over by a small fish tank with wheels, leaving you unharmed. A Razor® Brand scooter then comes to finish you off, running you over but doing no significant damage. (That was a tough one)

I travel by boat to the pacific ocean wearing a 500lb weighted suit with no respirator, and I jump into the Mariana Trench.

Your boat rower decided you were too heavy, and turned back once you got on the boat to go. No, you already jumped.
Um.
Just then, I decide to jump into the ocean to find a rare species of fish (with scuba gear on). I notice you flailing, and go over to you and give you my oxygen tank. I then die because I gave you my oxygen tank.

You float up and a massive dinosoar uses dark magic to wake you up from the airless state.
I go into a redneck bar and start making offensive redneck jokes to which causes the rednecks to beat me to death.

You were in a bar for the KKK and the Black Panthers come in and kick the KKK’s ass, saving you just in time.

You are now being beat to death by the Black equivalent of the KKK.

Yea… I traveled in time to make sure none of this happened.
In the future, everyone wanted to kill me… fuck..

But you are not in the future.

I’m divided into tiny pieces because I fell in a shredder.

you are too large to fit into the shredder and don’t die
I ask the joker to kill me. He obliges

Originally posted by thedude0:

you are too large to fit into the shredder and don’t die
I ask the joker to kill me. He obliges

Hey, I said I was divided to pieces. Anyway, I call Batman.
I burn myself with an unextingusihable fire.