Assassination Attempt page 3

95 posts

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I use particle physics to generate a small scale black hole to suck you out of the pocket dimension through your decoy and destroy you by annihilating your molecular structure in the hole.

I stand out in the open, like a real man.

 
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You stood out, so you got killed with ease (LIKE A REAL MAN.)

I shoot myself. There- I made it easy for you newbies.

 
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I ran you over before you shot yourself….

I hide, where no one can find me. It has a life time of canned food that never rots, and I am wearing a suit that can survive anywhere.

 
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Canned food was poisoned. Thus you die

I hide myself in an impossible maze

 
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Annoyed by the maze’s difficulty, I plainly blow it up completely, killing you and me.

 
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You died. I do nothing.

I hide myself in an impossible-to-find and deserted galaxy with an infinite supply of non-dry canned food that I de-poisoned pre-arrival to this galaxy and will never rot and a suit that lets me survive anywhere forever.

(Unoriginality alert)

 
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Congrats, It’s impossible to find since it was absorbed by a black hole! and to quote…

Originally posted by ThatsANiceGuy:

You died. I do nothing.


BOOM TAKEDOWN!
I pay Deadpool, Thugs-4-Less, Chuck Norris, TF industries and The Zombie Beatles to protect me!

 
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But I ain’t dead. Black holes don’t kill. I grab a shrinking device, and teleport inside of you. Then I drop your heart inside your bladder. Collective hilarity from me, Deadpool, Thugs-4-Less, Chuck Norris, TF industries, and Zombie Beatles ensues, leading them to protect me while I’m inside you.

 
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I died, okay, but I come BACK FROM THE DEATH!!! and I brought evil friends… or something!!! PROFFESOR MORIARTY!!! DORMAMMU!!! MICHAEL JACKSON!!!(He’s awesome I just had to make that joke) OVER 9000 GUY!!!!!!!!!! AND AN ARMY OF UNDEAD!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WAR AGAINST THE LIVING!!!

Also, Bruce Lee, Chuck is screwed.

 
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I destroy the whole universe.

I hide myself in an indestructible box out of space and time, with healthy food and clean and potable water,

 
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You just destroyed yourself by destroying the universe.

I reform, and make a barrier blocking any spawning e.g. I killed thread. GG NO RE.

 
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You die of old. TAKE THAT. T.A.K.E.T.H.A.T.

I reconstruct the universe and hive myself in a bunker

 
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NOOOOOOO

I, with the help of a mage who revived me and himself ONLY, learn magic. I kill the mage with the magic and make the bunker implode, killing you.

Then I just bring my invincibility bubble from CaW into here and make it ENVELOP me (I can’t die from old age or suffocation.) No one can spawn. I killed thread. GG NO RE FR.

 
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You die of hunger. BOOM

I turn into a Highlander

 
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Originally posted by Behemoth542:

You die of hunger. BOOM

I turn into a Highlander

I didn’t die because of my invincibility bubble. BOOM.
My spiked invincibility bubble touches you, killing you.
I go to CaW to upgrade my invincibility bubble.

 
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There’s only 1 weakness of invincibility bubble,SPIKES!

I turn into a terminator that is perfectly constructed.

 
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I launch an electromagnetic pulse and dismantle you

I turn into a Lowlander

 
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I kill physics and then step on you.
I wrap the corpse of physics around myself, then leave the universe.

 
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As you leave universe, you enter an completely unknown world and die of inhalation of the poisonous “air” of that place

I hide inside a box that is along with boxes identical to mine inside a container that is with identical containers in a ship that is docked in a harbor with alot of identical ships.

 
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I blow up the harbor. Problem solved.
I go faster than light.

 
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You turned into pure energy. Congrats, you killed yourself. I just say I made you go faster than light so people think I killed you.

I become invisible.

 
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I get a thermal visor and I shove a shovel and break your head. Then I dig a tomb and throw your invisible body there.

I inject myself an elixir that gives me an healing power three times faster than Wolverine’s

 
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I annihilate you with an antimatter bomb. The destruction power is so big and so sudden that you die before you could heal.

I use a soul shifting machine and I shift my soul with Chuck Norris’ soul. I’m in Chuck Norris’ body now.

 
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Chuck Norris is a fifty year old martial artist. A MOAB is a very large bomb. Go figure.
I use a mind control device to stop people from even wanting to kill me.

 
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I invite you over to a party, bro – and we knock back a few beers, maybe a Long Island Iced Tea even. Then I drive you home. It’s almost predictable how there is a car crash.

…sadly, the passenger airbag was out of order. You left through the windshield and smashed into a lamppost.

I go to an airport and board a plane. It takes off.