The Quest for the Best
One stormy night in a stormy castle, there was an evil wizard who was trying to come up with a way to destroy the good kingdom of Niceness. "Hmm..." the evil wizard pondered, "how could I destroy the good kingdom of Niceness, which I really don't like?”
"You could-" one of the evil wizard's elemental minions started to say before he was cut off by the very rude and ill-mannered evil wizard.
"I was talking to myself!" the evil wizard fumed; he was often upset for not much of a reason. "Aha! I've got it! I'll simply-"
Meanwhile in the forest of trees located right outside of the good kingdom of Niceness... "Great shot, Leroy!" Casimir the leader of the Strong People Club said, "Some day you might be 37/116ths as good as me!"
"W-w-wow, Casimir, will I really?" the stuttering Leroy asked with great pride and excitement hoping that the answer would be 'yes.'
"Hahahahaha! Don't count on it." Casimir replied, his banana-colored hair gleaming in the sunlight if there hadn't been a tree in the way.
"Oh poo-" Leroy started to say, annoyed that he had been fooled, but Casimir had put a finger to his lips indicating that he wanted Leroy to be quiet and when Casimir wanted Leroy to be quiet, he wanted Leroy to be quiet.
“I heard some noises in those bushes over there” Casimir whispered not very quietly, “Get out your crossbow.”
Now Leroy heard the noises in the bushes. “What do you think it is?” Leroy whispered quietly; unlike Casimir, Leroy knew how to whisper quietly.
Suddenly something giant and blue leaped out of the bushes! Both Leroy and Casimir instantly shot all of their bolts at the unknown thing that had leaped out of the bushes.
“Owwww!” the giant blue thing said, “do you usually shoot at everything giant and blue you see that leaps out of bushes? I guess you won’t anymore, as you’ve shot all of your bolts at me.”
“A-a-are you a ghost?” Leroy asked completely terrified. He had never met a ghost, so he had no idea what to expect.
“Aha! A smart one I see!” the ghost replied giggling, “Yes, I am a ghost. But, I was sent here for a reason. Ghosts aren't usually sent to people without a reason. I need you two to defeat the evil wizard’s army of elemental minions.”
“How will one cool guy with banana-colored hair and his stuttering apprentice defeat a whole army?” Casimir asked suspiciously.
“You have one day to pack up your stuff” the ghost said grinning as he slowly disappeared, “One day...”
“Defeat a whole army yourself?” the fairy princess of the good kingdom of Niceness asked in amazement, “Maybe that ghost you saw was playing a trick on you.”
“Maybe so, but we should pack up our stuff just in case,” Casimir suggested.
“Then what are you doing here still?” the fairy princess screamed at them, “you don’t need my permission to pack up your stuff!”
Meanwhile, in the evil wizard’s stormy castle... “What do you mean we’re out of eye of newt?!” the evil wizard fumed (he did a lot of fuming) angrily, “I just bought some last week!”
“I don’t know where it went, sir! I just know it’s all gone!” one of the evil wizard’s elemental minions who was a little on the small side and got a B in Spanish in third grade said.
“Well, this specific potion is so powerful it needs ten eyes of newt!” the evil wizard yelled ferociously, “but I need ten eyes of newt now! Send my most powerful warriors to slay the mythical ten-eyed newt monster!”
“But the ten-eyed newt monster is only a myth! A fairytale! A fake monster to scare little babies into not stealing eyes off of newts. It used to be a huge problem in the 19-” the elemental started to say before the evil wizard cut him off for the fourth time that day.
“Just get those ten eyes back to me or I’ll stab you in the foot again!” the evil wizard threatened threateningly.
Meanwhile in Casimir’s bedroom in the ninth story of the south-east tower of the kingdom of Niceness’s castle... Casimir was packing up his stuff. Once he had packed up the essentials (sword, crossbow, bolts, toothbrush, etc) he realised that if the ghost had talked to him and Leroy at 4:32 in the afternoon a day before; they had only thirty seconds until they were supposed to have all of their stuff packed.
“Leroy!” Casimir called up to Leroy whose bedroom was on the tenth story of the south-east tower of the kingdom of Niceness’s castle, “Pack up your stuff! We have five--no four seconds until-”
WOOSHHH! Suddenly Casimir and Leroy were spun into a giant purple tornado that threw them clear across the known world. CRASH! Leroy moaned as he stood up. What a fall!
“W-w-where are we, Casimir” Leroy inquired as he stretched.
“Well...” Casimir said as he surveyed his surroundings, “According to that sign right in front of us, we’re ten feet away from the ten-eyed newt monster”
“I can’t believe he’s making us find some legendary monster that was created to scare babies into not stealing eyes off of newts!” an elemental named Webster said fairly annoyed.
“Yeah, bro!” an elemental named Jacob replied, “Killing things that don’t exist is for nerds!”
The group of elementals travelled for several minutes, but at last; they had found the mythical lair of the fabled ten-eyed newt.
“Wow! I guess there really is a ten-eyed newt!” Melvin the elemental said in awe.
“Killing it is still for nerds” Jacob grumbled. At that same moment, all of the elementals heard a noise coming from a bush.
“Stop shoving! And be quiet!” something or someone in the bush said, “Your elbow’s on my toothbrush!”
Suddenly two figures leaped from the bushes: a strong muscular one and an ugly and scrawny one. Casimir and Leroy!
“Get them!” Webster yelled and the other elementals obeyed even though they didn’t usually listen to him.
The elementals scratched at Casimir and Leroy with their filed talons, while Casimir and Leroy shot and slashed at the elementals. Webster scratched Leroy, Casimir shot Webster, Leroy slashed Webster, Webster disintegrated, and so on. After three minutes all of the elementals were disintegrated, Casimir was putting on some of his emergency bandages to his nastiest scratches, Leroy was lying on the ground groaning and moaning in agony, overall the outcome was pretty good.
“Good fighting, Leroy” Casimir said as he applied a Hello Kitty band-aid to his elbow, “But shouldn’t we kill the ten-eyed newt monster? I mean the elementals were obviously looking for it, so the evil wizard must need it for a potion or something, right?”
Leroy moaned again.
Then Casimir saw that one of the elementals had been cowardly hiding in one of the many bushes during the fight and had just ran into the ten-eyed newt’s house. Casimir hastily limped after him.
Casimir gasped in amazement. Inside of the ten-eyed newt monster’s house was the biggest pile of newt eyes that he had ever seen, which was pretty impressive because in the latest Guinness Book of World Records there was a picture of a pretty big pile.
‘When I bring all of these eyes of newt back to the evil wizard, I’ll be greatly rewarded!’ the elemental I earlier introduced as Melvin thought to him self, a grin on his elemental face. ‘I might even get promoted to ‘King of Getting Eyes of Newt’ like Danny did last April!’
Melvin bent down quietly so he would not disturb the ten-eyed newt monster who was peacefully snoozing two feet away when he heard a voice he hadn’t heard since he was hiding in the bushes five minutes before!
“Stop, thief!” Casimir yelled up to Melvin heroically, his golden sword shinning like his hair. But as I said before, even when Casimir was whispering he wasn’t very quiet, and when he yelled it was unbearably loud.
The ten-eyed newt monster yawned, then opened his eyes.
“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!” it screeched as it leaped onto it’s feet, “I be the guardian of the eyes of newt. Any mortal soul whom attempts to steal from my sacred sanctuary shall parish like thou’ve never perished before.”
Being the kind of elemental minion Melvin was, Melvin through one of those daggers that giants get stuck in their teeth at one of the ten-eyed newt’s ten eyes grabbed an armful of newt eyes and bolted for the door.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHRRRRGGGGGGGGG!” the wounded beast howled with pain, “Come back here, you big meanie!”
Casimir knew that neither Melvin not himself would escape alive while the ten-eyed newt monster still stood.
“Melivin!” Casimir yelled to Melvin just before he would have sprinted out of the door, “Don’t try to leave, there’s probably a curse on the door that will explode anyone who tries to leave!”
“I’ve had enough of your tricks, Casimir” Melvin sneered behind the stack of newt eyes he was holding, “you just want all of these newt eyes yourself!”
Melvin walked through the door.
“Ahahahaha!” the now nine-eyed newt monster laughed, pulling Melvin’s dagger from his face, “looks like your friend their had never heard of the exploding door trick that most mythical monsters that are thought to be made up use!”
“It’s over, Nine-eyed,” Casimir said wiping seventeen beads of sweat from his mighty forehead, “this sword that I’m holding is made of pure anti-newt spray; which could kill you like about three and a half seconds.”
“Oh no!” the newt monster said in mock scared-ness,”Oh wait. I forgot that I had my anti-anti-newt spray on. That sword won’t work.”
“We’ll see about that!” Casimir said charging at Nine-eyed.
The nine-eyed newt monster grabbed Casimir and threw him up into the air. Casimir pointed his sword (which wasn’t really made of anti-newt spray) downward and cut the mighty nine-eyed newt monster’s ugly hand off. Nine-eyed spat a small pond worth of newt spit at Casimir which sent his fall of course headed right for a giant pit of lava which he hadn’t seen before. Casimir held onto the edge for dear life.
“You have no chance, fool,” the nine-eyed newt monster boasted as he screwed in one of the eyes from his pile into his empty eye-socket.
“Oww!” the ten-eyed newt monster screamed as a tooth brush had been thrown at his super-secret instant death pressure point. The ten-eyed newt monster would have fallen on the ground in pain if there wasn’t a pit of lava in front of him.
SSSSSSSssssss. In a matter of seconds the now zero-eyed newt monster had disappeared into the fiery lava.
Leroy had saved the day!
“Casimir, grab onto my hand!” Leroy said in a now manlier voice. Casimir did what Leroy had told him to do for once!
WHOOOOSH! The giant purple tornado that had brought them there an hour before had returned to bring Casimir and Leroy back to the good kingdom of Niceness. How thoughtful!
When they got back there was a big party because the evil wizard had mysteriously gotten eaten by a giant blue ghost.
It’s a good story. I can’t really criticize because I wouldn’t do half as good, but maybe just edit it a bit?