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Ice and Fire: The Redclaw and the Earthern Kingdom / Shrine -

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This is a scrap (Rough Draft) of Lore for my story that I wrote at 4am,

Feedback Wanted!

Info on the Wolves of the Earth Shrine, The attacks on the Earth Kingdom, Rough Draft

Title is to be changed to “Ice and Fire” later.

This May be edited later. This probably contains spelling errors, Will be fixed later.

Changes: Bloodclaw Clan > Redclaw Clan
-New Race Added, Gators of the Western Swamp
-New Race Added, Werewolves of the Earthern Shrine
-New Race Added, Villagers, Popularity of Goats, boars, rams etc (Yes, they’re anthro too)

The Redclaw are nothing but savage beasts, stealing materials from the villagers. They use it for their own weponary. They’ve been crazy enough to attack the Kingdom of the EarthWolves, desparate to get to us. They’re angry with us for bringing them to justice before, and making right of their wrongs. The City of the Earth Shrine was a Kingdom between us (The Frostwolves) and Them (The Redclaw). The Guardians of the Earth Kingdom acted as they should, protecting their city and shooting at the attackers. It won’t be long before they succeed at it – they’ve attempted multiple times. The Wolves of the Earth Shrine had a natural Light-Brown Fur Color, and Yellow-Orange Ambitious looking eyes, but they were a Nutral race. Welcoming the honest and kind, but declining anyone who caused trouble. They made everything they had unique, their Muskets, armor, everything. Living in a Kingdom with Grass, Water, Stone Statues and little bridges, this is usualy the most peaceful place in ( Area ). The “Earth Shrine” Defined is the great 1st Leader, Boulder, The Patient. The Statue stands proudly near the main gates, a City Icon. Overnight, guards of the city watch, inside and out, stationary and patrolling, keeping their city peaceful and quiet at night. Identifyed by their armor, no one should be crazy enough to mess with the Guardians of the Earthern Shrine, but unfortunatly there are those crazy enough to attempt.

 
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Well, judging that this is just a draft, it’s quite good. However, the title is way to cliche for pretty much anyone’s liking, and the names of the races seem too.. fantasy. Don’t get me wrong, I get that it’s a mystical story and all that, but Redclaw, Earthern Kingdom… that’s too much.

You do manage to use a reasonably good vocabular and you can get a few people tangled in your story. Overall, it looks promising…

 
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Any Suggestions what I can change them to? I Would really value any suggestions ^^

 
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Sure…

Since your characters are mostly wolves, it would seem logical to name them “packs”. However, the werewolves you described are more civilized than normal wolves, and certainly more numerous… thus, a perfect title would be “clan” or “alliance”.

Now it’s up to you to decide what clan it would be. It could be either a geografic reference (“of the North”, “of (Area)”) or something with a more revolutionary meaning… such as “Sons of x”, “New Rise”, “New Horizon”…

However, I must say that I misconsidered Earthern Kingdom as too fantasy… right now it sounds good to my ear…

Anyway, you should think of a suitable Alliance or Clan name, and if you think that pack would be more original, go with it! It’s your story, afterall, not mine :D

Edit : “Sons of x” might seem a little bit cliche, but it has been used through history by a lot of revolutionaries… and since as far as your story goes, Earthern is the higher power and Redclaw is trying to combat it(which is a nice break from the usual “Good is small, Bad is huge”). That could be described as a “revolution”, thus making it a somewhat good name. However, a synonim could be used for higher effect.

 
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Originally posted by DrunkenCoffin:

Sure…

Since your characters are mostly wolves, it would seem logical to name them “packs”. However, the werewolves you described are more civilized than normal wolves, and certainly more numerous… thus, a perfect title would be “clan” or “alliance”.

Now it’s up to you to decide what clan it would be. It could be either a geografic reference (“of the North”, “of (Area)”) or something with a more revolutionary meaning… such as “Sons of x”, “New Rise”, “New Horizon”…

However, I must say that I misconsidered Earthern Kingdom as too fantasy… right now it sounds good to my ear…

Anyway, you should think of a suitable Alliance or Clan name, and if you think that pack would be more original, go with it! It’s your story, afterall, not mine :D

Edit : “Sons of x” might seem a little bit cliche, but it has been used through history by a lot of revolutionaries… and since as far as your story goes, Earthern is the higher power and Redclaw is trying to combat it(which is a nice break from the usual “Good is small, Bad is huge”). That could be described as a “revolution”, thus making it a somewhat good name. However, a synonim could be used for higher effect.

Thanks! I really like " (“of the North”, “of (Area)”) " Idea, I’ll use that. Thanks so much for the suggestions! I really value them :]

Now when you’re saying the “Of the North” Idea, would something like Frostwolves, wolves of the North or just Wolves of the North?

 
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Originally posted by Cody_Harrison:
Originally posted by DrunkenCoffin:

Sure…

Since your characters are mostly wolves, it would seem logical to name them “packs”. However, the werewolves you described are more civilized than normal wolves, and certainly more numerous… thus, a perfect title would be “clan” or “alliance”.

Now it’s up to you to decide what clan it would be. It could be either a geografic reference (“of the North”, “of (Area)”) or something with a more revolutionary meaning… such as “Sons of x”, “New Rise”, “New Horizon”…

However, I must say that I misconsidered Earthern Kingdom as too fantasy… right now it sounds good to my ear…

Anyway, you should think of a suitable Alliance or Clan name, and if you think that pack would be more original, go with it! It’s your story, afterall, not mine :D

Edit : “Sons of x” might seem a little bit cliche, but it has been used through history by a lot of revolutionaries… and since as far as your story goes, Earthern is the higher power and Redclaw is trying to combat it(which is a nice break from the usual “Good is small, Bad is huge”). That could be described as a “revolution”, thus making it a somewhat good name. However, a synonim could be used for higher effect.

Thanks! I really like " (“of the North”, “of (Area)”) " Idea, I’ll use that. Thanks so much for the suggestions! I really value them :]

Now when you’re saying the “Of the North” Idea, would something like Frostwolves, wolves of the North or just Wolves of the North?

In my opinion, “Frostwolves, Wolves of the North” is a little bit too long, but I have an idea of how you could use that without deranging anybody.

Every minority in the world has an official name(African American, Hispanic etc) and a slang term(Beaner, etc…). So you could have something like that.

For example, in every royal instances they would present themselves as Wolves of the North, while the peasants could reffer to themselves as Frostwolves(“He’s a really lucky Frostwolf!”).

So, there you have it. A little suggestion on making your story more realistic, no matter how many werewolves are in it.

PS. Sorry to everyone who is offended by the slang terms, but I’m not trying to be racist, I’m giving examples of slang which may be translated into a fantasy story!

 
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That’s an interesting suggestion, DrunkenCoffin. The use of proper names, nicknames, and colloquialisms can be tricky when there’s not some very clear structure and clarity in the writing. It’s a good idea, however.

I was dwelling on this story concept over the last day. It doesn’t really excite me as it is; it feels like it’s telling a story that’s already been told better. It’s the beginning of a traditional fantasy romp where the characters are replaced by werewolf/anthropomorphic dogs.

However, what’s interesting about dogs is their dog-like behavior. Would werewolves greet each other by sniffing each other’s asses? Probably, right? Instead of flags and banners, would they urinate along their boundaries? Would they be fiercely loyal to the pack leader… right or wrong? Would they obey a strict feeding order? Would they struggle with fleas and ticks?

And, speaking of weaponry and armor, dogs don’t have thumbs. What kind of weapons or armors would a wolf use?

 
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Originally posted by petesahooligan:

That’s an interesting suggestion, DrunkenCoffin. The use of proper names, nicknames, and colloquialisms can be tricky when there’s not some very clear structure and clarity in the writing. It’s a good idea, however.

I was dwelling on this story concept over the last day. It doesn’t really excite me as it is; it feels like it’s telling a story that’s already been told better. It’s the beginning of a traditional fantasy romp where the characters are replaced by werewolf/anthropomorphic dogs.

However, what’s interesting about dogs is their dog-like behavior. Would werewolves greet each other by sniffing each other’s asses? Probably, right? Instead of flags and banners, would they urinate along their boundaries? Would they be fiercely loyal to the pack leader… right or wrong? Would they obey a strict feeding order? Would they struggle with fleas and ticks?

And, speaking of weaponry and armor, dogs don’t have thumbs. What kind of weapons or armors would a wolf use?

Hi! (I moved to this account from Cody_Harrison)

Umm, well no, they don’t go sniffing others, at least in this story. I’m kinda keeping it civil I guess..It’s still in creation but I know it’s not going to have fleas or Ticks. Have you ever seen a anthro art peice with maybe like a wolf or w/e in Armor? (Fully body Armor) I trying to do that, Im still working with their “hands”. I know you can’t really do anything with paws as hands… big thing I gotta work on. If you haven’t seen a picture of an Anthro-Wolf in Armor or anything before, I can send you a link to a pic of one.

 
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Also, if you have any suggestions, I would highly value them! I Want to keep the story headed in the same way it is, but anything you can come up with (Besides ticks and fleas) XP I would be greatfull. I really want viewers to be interested.

 
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I have to agree with Pete, and you said in your words what he said; “Have you ever seen a anthro art peice with maybe like a wolf or w/e in Armor? (Fully body Armor) I trying to do that”. You agree that you’re trying to write a story without any unique factors. So unoriginal that it looks like other stories I’ve read on this Forum, I myself, can’t really understand the fascination of “wolves” or anthromorphic characters in people that says “That’s good story material right there.” It’s fantasy, yes, but it has no spark. You’re introducing characters and names of things in almost every sentence, there’s no part where it’s describing the scene, or the characters in detail, you just move on to the next “thing” in the story with a name.

 
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That’s right.

Start with a story that you want to tell, then figure out how to tell it as well as you can. You’re approaching this a bit backwards; you have the ingredients and you’re trying to make a meal out of it. Why don’t you start with what kind of meal you want to make, then find the ingredients?

 
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I wouldn’t know what else I should use for the character eace, my brain is like dead right now.

 
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Well, you don’t seem to have a problem writing about your lack of ideas. Why don’t you expand on that?

Sit down and write.
Write anything. Doesn’t matter. Slam your fingers onto the keyboard and make 30 pages of gibberish. Eventually some words will start to form, and the words will gravitate toward each other and make ideas.

If you knew what you wanted to write before you actually wrote it, that wouldn’t really be “writing.”

Do you think Star Wars, or Harry Potter, or any other story you can think of was all formed in the author’s head before they sat down in front of their keyboard? Absolutely not. In fact, there’s a very high possibility that what they first wrote didn’t even resemble the final product.

 
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Alright, I’ll get to that. Thanks ^^