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Long Lost Friend (A Poem)

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Long lost friend,
I have not seen you in a while.
Why don’t we talk about,
Old times.
Care for a glass of lemonade,
Like when we first came to cross?

Come along and take a walk with me.
Tell me about what has been going on since,
Tell me what you’ve seen,
And what you’ve heard,
And what you’ve learned.
You’ve really have grown a lot.

Tell me now, what opinion do you have of me?
How such unfortunate turn of events led us astray.
Did I’ve ever tell you my mind was always filled with guilt?
How sorry I wanted to say,
For everything I’ve said,
And everything I’ve done.

But I could not find you.
Even now, I cannot see you.
As I stand by your earthly bed,
I cannot reach you.
You have no sound, nor consent to my words.
But tell me one more thing before I turn back.

What in the world will I do?
Long lost friend,
What in the world will I do?


Constructive criticism is appreciated.

 
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I think that:

How such unfortunate turn of events led us astray.

should be:
How such unfortunate turns of events led us astray.

Also,

Did I’ve ever tell you

You’ve really have grown a lot.

^Needs fixin’.

Maybe it’s just me but…

How sorry I wanted to say,

doesn’t quite make sense to me. If it is actually correct and intended then just ignore me. :D


Other than that, I felt the whole poem lacked a good rhythm. Maybe I just couldn’t see it, I’m no poetry person. I usually comment on structure and the like as opposed to meaning and metaphors. There were times were I felt a rhythm but the next stanza was completely different. If I dared to give any suggestions with fear of steering you wrong I’d say, you don’t have to end every line with some form of punctuation.

If I had to take a stab at it, I’d change the second stanza to this, personally.


Come along and take a walk with me,
Tell me about what has been going on since.
Show me what you have seen
And what you have heard.
Then, what you have learned.
You really have grown a lot.

Again I’m not trying to say this is better. Perhaps you were repeating the words on purpose for a reason I missed. There still is an overuse of have here though, and while not really a problem, it’s always nice to have multiple ways to say the same thing.

If you decide to try and fix some areas of the poem, might I suggest using the rhythm in the first stanza as a base or example. I really liked the lines:


Long lost friend,
I have not seen you in a while.
Why don’t we talk about,
Old times.

Also notice how you didn’t use, I’ve and used, I have instead. It definitely sounds better here and you should try using the elongated version a bit more.

 
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Whoa, thanks for spending your time to write the rather long review. I’ll look it over.