I made a little interactive fiction game about 2 years ago. The first draft of my second is now available for scrutiny: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cs_Sp5HFZcouZ2Vmv2qnavALfNdc_67uKuygldKFf7c/edit
Please leave any feedback you have, either in this thread, over a private message, or as a comment on the document itself. Be honest!
Also, concept art: https://docs.google.com/open?id=0ByTsK3yeU9BkWE1EZ3dSVW9WWFU