The Eight Crystals(EE Story) page 2

36 posts

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Originally posted by Terence22205:
Originally posted by 1000lol:
Originally posted by michaelan:
Originally posted by Terence22205:
Originally posted by michaelan:
Originally posted by Terence22205:
Originally posted by michaelan:
Originally posted by dasupahplayer:

Can we just start off with the story please?

Story’s already dead, as far as I can tell.

Was it ever alive?

True, I suppose it’s not dead, but an inanimate object, like a rock.
This story is a rock. :D

Yeah, this story rocks!!

…This story is shit. :D

Aw, come on! Don’t blame this story! I made a chapter already!

This story is decent for now, but I will make it better.

No. Just give up on it.

\

I don’t give a hell, I’m not giving up.

 
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1000lol raises his hand

 
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Originally posted by Terence22205:
Originally posted by michaelan:

1000lol raises his hand

huehue

Forces Terence to raise his hand as well

 
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Originally posted by 1000lol:

Ugh, damn it. I’m starting the story. Michaelan, feel free to withdraw. I don’t care.

CHAPTER 1 : A Note from the Vent

I slowly pulled the doorknob to the room they call “auraroom”. As I prepared to open the door, suddenly a smiley touched me on the back. A voice echoed into my ear.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I realized that voice. It was Mysky, whose house was just near mine.

“Erm.. Mysky? Why are you here?”

“Oh, nothing. Just going out, you know, for maybe a while. But shouldn’t you get to sleep? Why are you trying to enter this room? It’s dangerous, Benjaminsen said that few days ago, you remember?”

I remembered Benjaminsen saying “Two of my spies will investigate this room” or something like that. Knowing though that I may get in trouble, I responded as best as I could.

“Yes. But don’t you feel curious about this room?”

“Yea. However, I swear I’ll never get to that room. If you really want to, I’ll invite Leverage and we’ll take a peek at it.”

I agreed, and Mysky got the phone and called Leverage. Later, Leverage came, white-handed because he lost his camera. We nodded to each other, and opened the door, slowly, carefully.

The door opened with a “creeaaaaakkkk”, and we took a peek in.

The room, was empty, dark and cold. Not completely empty though. We saw a vent, with blood all over the bars. I looked in the bars, and saw a trail of blood. We then heard the door creaking, preparing to close. Leverage ran over, and blocked the door from closing.

“I’ll hold the door, you see if you can open that vent or not.”

Mysky and I tried to pull the vent. It was very tight. We tried as much as we could, but nothing happened. However, just a second later, something fell out of the vent. We checked closer : It was a note.

“Leverage! The vent didn’t open, but a note fell out!”

“Good! Let’s try to read it somewhere else!”

We decided that was enough, since we’ll be in danger if we mess here longer. We then went home, and agreed to see the note tomorrow.

CHAPTER 1 END

COMMENT
So in this chapter, Mysky and Leverage had their first appearances here. They found a note, and will see it tomorrow. What then will happen next? I’ve had the idea in my head. So see ya later!

The chapter is amazingly short, especially with the skipped lines and amazingly short paragraphs, but I couldn’t get through it, because it’s so amazingly boring. Add some description, don’t just say what they did, actually enunciate through the words. Seriously, the chapter’s 4/5 dialogue. That’s retarded.

 
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So much fail

 
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Wow. First time I sent my character to a fourm story and everyone hates this story. Can you link me to better stories? @1000lol don’t worry, keep my application please.

 
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Herp.Its a legendary Dragonice post!

 
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Originally posted by Dragonice:

Herp.Its a legendary Dragonice post!

:O this thread is now worth visiting :D

 
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So the story’s dead, Terence?
Suckish. How about next time, you add me in your story?

 
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The story’s quite good. Please don’t stop!

 
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This story is quite crappy. Please stop!